She smiles at him and blows him a kiss before turning back to Carlton to stroke his face.
My simple deflection is complete. Now to stoke the fire. ‘You might have to put the graft in to win her back. They look like they might be catching feelings.’
‘ACTION!’
Filming Carlton’s entrance, us pretending to be shocked and him pretending to lay eyes on Mimi, and them being instantly smitten with each other takes only a few minutes as everyone is desperate to go back to bed.
The crew pack up their cameras at the speed of light. The islanders charge towards the main villa, and I pretend I’m going off to the outdoor kitchen to refill my water bottle. I slip through the PANTRY secret door and slide along the wall. I am beyond excited to see what Cam makes of me in this sultry outfit. I feel like sex on legs. When he kisses me, I’m going to hoik my leg up like Mimi, so that he can fully appreciate that I am wearing stockings. I’m hoping that he will slide his hand the length of my thigh, right to the top. I’m hoping that his fingers will find their way underneath the rubber dress and stroke my behind. Oh, my God, I can barely stand it any longer.
I wait a few moments, but Cameron doesn’t show. We agreed that two minutes is the maximum time we can be in the blind spot without raising suspicion. The two minutes is up.
Devastated, I slip back through the secret door, into the PANTRY and hear hushed voices coming from the outdoor kitchen. I sneak a look, to see Porscha standing with her back to me, arguing with Cam.
I duck back into the PANTRY out of sight. Porscha is telling Cam to make me sleep in the same bed as Giovanni tonight. Cam is saying that he won’t do it. That I have every right to choose, for the sake of my well-being and the integrity of the show. He is standing firm and will not violate his ethics.
‘This show doesn’t have any integrity,’ spits Porscha. ‘Why are you protecting the collateral? You like her. Don’t you?’ She sounds very jealous. ‘You like her romantically.’
‘No. Of course not,’ says Cam, which I have to admit does pinch at my heart a little. ‘From a professional point of view, she’s great on camera. The public seem to love her, and she brings an extra dynamic to the show that the current contestants don’t. She’s different. Do I like her being on the show? Sure. Who wouldn’t?’
His soothing voice calms Porscha instantly. ‘Good. That’s erm, well, that’s good to know. It’s just that if you did develop romantic feelings for anyone on the show… contestants that is… erm, there would be serious consequences.’
‘I know that, Porscha. You remind me every day. I’ve been producing this show for two years now. You have nothing to worry about.’
Gosh, he sounds so convincing.
‘You’re right. I just need to keep an eye on what’s what, so everything doesn’t spin out of control. That production village turns into a hotbed of carnal activity at night. They forget those trailer walls are paper thin. It’s just that it feels like the wholecrew are bonking away behind my back. There’s more action going on in the village than with the collateral on the show. We should be filming them instead!’
So, we’re merely collateral instead of real people with feelings? Good to know.
Cam laughs. ‘Yep, you’re not wrong there.’ There’s a silence between them. I wish I could see what they are doing. Why are neither of them talking? ‘So, don’t forget we’re on camera,’ Cam blurts. ‘And everything you say and do may be taken down and used as evidence in a court of law.’ He emits a fake-sounding laugh.
Porscha clears her throat. I am imagining the worst. Her lunging at him with her perfect plumped-up pout, and hopefully, he is reminding her that the cameras are still on because he is not interested in the slightest.
‘Well, if you’re listening to this, you lot, keep your heads in the game,’ Porscha orders. ‘No more gratuitous loud bonking in the trailer park.’
I hear a cackle of a radio. It sounds like a walkie talkie. ‘Roger that, boss. Message received. Over.’
Porscha laughs. ‘They’ll hate me even more now. You coming?’
‘I, er, I have to erm, check on the…’
‘Leave it until tomorrow. There’s only one car left going back to the village and that’s mine. Take the lift.’ Porscha says sharply. ‘And you can leave the pineapple here. I’m allergic.’
The next morning, I wake in the Dog House to a knocking on the door. My hopes soar at the thought it might be Cam. I had a dreadful night’s sleep imagining that Porscha had him strapped to her bed. She was administering all manner of unspeakable sexual favours on him. Her plumped-up lips were sucking himdry while he was calling for my help, but I couldn’t get to him because Giovanni was standing guard, towering over me like a bronze statue, his muscles rippling in the moonlight, hair flowing in the breeze.
I’m breaking into a sweat just thinking about the sexual deviancy going on in the trailer park hotbed of sin. Poor Cam. I hope she hasn’t taken him hostage. The knocking continues.
‘Libby, are you in there? You’ve slept through the Klaxon. They sent me to get you.’
My heart sinks. It’s Giovanni. I pad sleepily to the door and pull it open.
‘Can I grab you for a quick chat?’ he asks my breasts. I am wearing the silky number.
‘Sure. Which one do you want to chat to? The left or the right breast?’
‘Oh, erm. Both,’ he says, his eyes darting to my face. ‘I mean neither of them. So, a chat, yeah?’
He’s so articulate. He should write a book or something.
