I sip my drink,urgh, and wait for him to reply. And wait. And wait. He is struggling to think of an answer.
‘Yeah man, like that was pretty dope. Sick, yeah. You get me?’
I’m a little startled, to be honest.
‘Are you… are you answering the question I asked, or is this the answer to another question? One that I haven’t asked?’
He looks uncomfortable.
‘I was asking about your novel. You know, the one you said you’re writing?’
He remains blank.
‘The romantasy? The romantic fantasy?’
Nothing. There’s nothing behind his eyes to suggest any hint of understanding.
It’s no use. I’m going to have to administer some basic nursery-nurse style communication. I point to myself. ‘I like reading books.’ I point to him. ‘You like writing books.’
Giovanni looks grateful. I wonder if he is nervous about all the cameras, and it is making him forget all his basic motor skills. ‘You like books, yeah?’ he manages, clutching for conversation. ‘That’s cool, bro.’
I will help him. After all, I am a teacher. Like the police, iPhone call centres and other emergency services, we are never off duty. ‘Stories are essentially the building blocks of humanity. The basis of all communication.’
Now he looks petrified. ‘Yeah, writing books, it’s hardly like rocket surgery.’
This is such hard work. I look at his arms. He has biceps the shape of bowling balls. And they are just as shiny. ‘Do you go to the gym much?’
His face lights up. ‘Yeah, bro. Yeah. Like a lot.’
Another uncomfortable silence follows until I can’t bear it any longer. He then leans over to me, and it looks awfully like he might be attempting to kiss me for want of nothing better to do. As his eyes close, and his lips hurtle towards mine, I jerk backwards away from him. When his lips don’t find purchase, he opens one eye.
‘Nice chat,’ I say leaping up. ‘See you around.’
Then to my horror, Giovanni yells that he is coming with me. He rolls off the bed, ‘Wait,’ he says. ‘I wasn’t going to kiss you. Please don’t tell Mimi.’
Didn’t I tell Cam this show is very playgroundy?
In his haste, he slips on the first step and comes tumbling down the stairs towards me like an avalanche. I turn sideways, grabbing hold of the banister, instinctively saving myself as he crashes at my feet.
‘Oh my God, are you okay?’ I ask. Bending down to help him. He is lying upside down in a heap, almost at the bottom of the stairs. I hope he hasn’t broken anything.
Having a nurse as a sister has its perks. ‘Don’t move. Lie still. I’ll support your head. Help!’ I yell. There’s an almighty thundering sound of islanders in heels click clacking towards us.
Mimi is first to arrive on the scene. ‘You!’ she points dramatically to me. ‘What did you do? What have you done to him?’ She drops to her knees to cradle his head. She puts her arm round him.
‘Don’t move him,’ I yell. ‘You might make the injury worse.’
‘Don’t tell me what to do,’ she spits out hysterically, trying to yank him up. She is obviously not used to dealing with any sort of crisis. ‘Did you do this on purpose?’
‘What? No!’
‘CUT!’ yells Porscha. ‘Giovanni, stay where you are. Or if you can, just shift around a bit to face camera three so we can get you from both angles. Mimi, you lift him up and we’ll film you helping him walk to the daybeds. Then we’ll do a shot of the two lovebirds getting cosy behind Libby’s back. We can get some real traction going for this love triangle.’
Mimi looks thrilled at this new plot twist.
‘And Libby?’ We all look at Porscha as she pauses dramatically. She looks me up and down. ‘How could you do this to him? Sour grapes is so not a good look.’ She is shaking her head at me, but I can see a smile hovering on her lips.
Once Porscha has yelled, ‘ACTION!’ Mimi drops down to check on the love of her life. ‘Come on Giovanni, babe. I’ll help you up.’
