When both Mimi and Giovanni realise what is happening, they instantly relax. Giovanni has the good grace to put Mimi down, looking embarrassed when he walks over to stand next to me at the firepit.
‘I hope you’re not expecting me to do the same,’ I joke and after a long minute, where he works out if I’m serious, he throws his head back and laughs like a drain.
Thankfully, everyone starts laughing, even the mardy Mimi.
‘Don’t worry,’ I say in a playful tone. ‘I’ll return him in one piece.’
Chapter 17
All the attention has gone straight to Giovanni’s head. He looks me slowly up and down with an appreciative look on his face, which makes me immediately uncomfortable. While Porscha is instructing the crew to change camera angles, he leans over to whisper, ‘I like a funny woman. And you’re not bad to look at. I don’t usually go for brunettes, but for you, I’d make an exception. You get me?’ He looks very pleased with himself and stands with his legs apart, facing the firepit, hands clasped at his groin.
Oh my God. This empty-headed, muscle-mountain is trying to hit on me, even though his lips are still wet from slobbering over Mimi.
He winks at me, making it very clear that if I try really hard, I may be in with a slim chance. What a time to be alive!
‘That’s quite alright,’ I whisper quickly. ‘You’re really not my type.’
Giovanni seems to take this as an opportunity to prove me wrong. While we are told to take five, so that Destiny can get some powder on her too-glowy face, he turns to me.
‘Seriously,’ he says, leaning in. ‘Look at me, bro.’ He flexes his biceps. ‘I’m every woman’s type. I’m God’s young dream.’
I can’t help laughing.
‘I appreciate that you have an ego the size of Japan, but I hate to break it to you, some of us have deeper core values than shiny biceps. But I’m happy to play along until you are recoupled with the love of your life.’
‘Who?’ he says, looking genuinely baffled.
I can’t decide if he has attachment issues or just a really bad memory.
‘Mimi. The frozen-foreheaded girl who is staring right at us, looking like someone just drowned her newborn kitten.’
Giovanni bursts out laughing again and looks over his shoulder at Mimi, who has gone from smiling adoringly at him to stalker vibes in under six seconds. She is not loving watching the two of us do ‘banter’.
Giovanni strokes his man-stubble. ‘Oh yeah. She looks like she’s about to scream her hair out, man. That’s sick. She’s a real live wire.’ He blows her a kiss and Mimi instantly softens. ‘I have that effect on women.’
‘Oh, my God,’ I’m almost choking with laughter now. ‘What’s with the horrendous mixed metaphors and non sequiturs? Are they forcing you to speak like that? Have they given you a script?’
Giovanni looks momentarily panicked but keeps smiling at me. ‘Are you speaking English right now, bro? I have no idea what you just said to me. Are you, like, from Britain?’
My words have flown straight over his head.
‘England, yes.’
‘Man, that accent is so sexy. Are you, like, from London?’
‘No.'
'No?' He looks taken aback.
'There are…othercities,’ I say.
He glazes over. He has lost interest. He looks me up and down again, and then casts his gaze over to Mimi who still has her eyes trained like a sniper’s rifle on both of us.
‘Man. You are both smoking hot. If only there was a way the three of us could… you know.’ He waggles his eyebrows at me.
I blink rapidly. ‘Okay. That’s enough for me. I’ll leave you and Mimi to it.’
I don’t care that I’ve been told not to move, I start walking towards the outside kitchen when Porscha barks, ‘CUT!’.
