‘What is it?’ I demand.
She becomes mute and shakes her head at me.
‘What is it?’ I hiss.
She leans in. ‘Don’t turn around. Whatever you do.’
‘Why?’
‘It looks like… I mean, I know it’s mud, but it looks like you’ve had… just don’t turn around.’
Oh my God. I’m going to have a heart attack. Cam will think I’ve been at the gluten again.
‘ACTION!’
All the islanders are now looking at me with distraught expressions as I hobble my way over to them. My hair is soaked and hanging limply down past my shoulders. Not a beach wave in sight. Water is running down my face and pooling on my chin, to drip off like a tap. I can see their eyes are out on stalks because it looks as though I am naked. I may as well be.
The rain was cold, but it still feels bizarrely hot. I stop in front of the firepit and begin to shiver. ‘Hi, I’m Libby. I’m a teacher and I like reading and Sudoku.’
Destiny looks horrified and visibly unwilling to approach me. ‘What an entrance,’ is all she can say. ‘Libby, how does it feel to be our firstLove on the Islandbombshell?’
‘Great,’ I manage, my teeth chattering. I place one arm across my chest to cover my protruding nipples and the other hand over my monokini bottoms. I don’t care what it looks like. I’d rather not be flashing my bits to the world. ‘So great, yeah. Loving it.’
I have never regretted a decision so much in my entire life.
‘So, who have you got your eye on? Anyone in particular?’ She sweeps her arm across the islanders sitting around the firepit, all coupled up and immaculate looking.
Is she kidding me?
I look from one man-mountain to the next. All five of them are refusing to make eye contact with me. Two of them are inspecting their nails. How embarrassing.
‘Not yet,’ I say shyly. ‘Maybe when I get to know them a bit better.’
‘Exactly. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, Uh-huh. So, which one would you choose?’ Destiny is smiling sweetly at me.
‘I still feel as though I’d like to connect with them first. Find out their names and a bit about them, that kind of thing.’ My legs are turning to jelly. I wish she’d just get on with the show and talk to someone else.
‘One hundred per cent, for sure. Yaaaas,’ she’s purring and batting her lashes rapidly. She puts a finger discreetly to her earpiece then stares at me as though to say, ‘CHOOSE OR DIE!’
‘But if you had to choose one,’ she is starting to lose patience with me.
Is this hypothetical?
‘Em, that one?’ I point to a man sat on the end.
‘Why have you chosen Marcel?’ she says, suddenly delighted.
‘Erm, he’s got two eyes, two arms, two legs,’ I shrug, looking over at him. He is rather easy on the eye I suppose. ‘And doesn’t look as though he kills puppies for a living?’
This is so fudging pointless, but at least when Destiny starts laughing after a split second, where it could have gone either way, everyone joins in sniggering tentatively along.
The atmosphere is unbelievably tense for what should be a joyful welcome to the show. Marcel is not sure about everyone laughing, and says to the beautiful girl next to him, loudly enough for us all to hear, ‘Don’t worry, Ella. She’s definitely not my type. Not in the slightest. I only have eyes for you.’
He grins to himself and lounges back on the curved seat, throwing his arm around her. She snuggles closer to him.
Everyone looks my way to see if I’ll react.
As if this wasn’t mortifying enough.
