‘I’ve just seen him heading to the catering tent. He’ll be there for hours. I’ll do two coffees. Want one?’
‘Uh, no thanks. Here, let me do it.’
I hear a whirring and fizzing followed by Porscha oohing and ahhing. ‘Thank you so much. Is there nothing you’re not good at?’ She laughs as though she’s told a funny joke, while I bristle at the horrendous use of a double negative.
‘Seriously, though Porscha. I really need to speak to Graeme urgently.’
‘It can wait. Sit,’ she instructs as though he is her pet dog. ‘I need your advice.’
‘Sure. What is it?’
‘It’s about…’
I can almost hear her mind whirring while she makes up a fib. She’s totally stalling. She’s making it all up so that she canflirt with him. I know because I have done it myself so many times since my arrival. It’s not his fault he emits a sort of sexy hunk pheromone. Like a drop of blood in the ocean, he attracts women from miles around.
‘It’s about these trailers.’
Pathetic.
‘What about these trailers?’ Cam sounds frustrated.
‘I’m thinking of changing mine. It’s too small. I wondered if I could have a look around yours. Do you mind?’
Genius.
‘Go ahead.’ He lets out a huge, bored sigh until he yells, ‘No! Not in there!’
There’s barely time to react so I do the only thing I can and dive onto the bed covering myself with the quilt.
Porscha laughs. ‘Why? Are you hiding a woman in there?’
‘No. Well, yes, actually.’
Does he struggle with low-level lying too? We really do have a lot in common.
Porscha stops walking. ‘Excuse me? You’ve brought a woman back to your trailer? You’ve brought a woman to this secret location? Well, I hope she’s worth it because it’ll cost you your job if the boss finds out.’
‘I can explain.’
‘No. Hang on. I am the boss!’ Porscha spits, not letting him explain.
‘It’s not what you think.’
There’s a thumping sound vibrating through the trailer. I imagine Porscha tapping her foot, waiting for an explanation. Then more thumps and a hand on the bedroom doorhandle. Lord knows what he’ll come up with.
‘CHAP 3 was in there. She’s been sick. The hotel couldn’t check her in before two o’clock, so I offered for her to use the trailer. Ihaven’t yet disinfected the place. So don’t go in. You might catch what she’s got. Even I haven’t been in.’
Very impressive. But only if he’s lying. I do not want to be in this bed if that awful woman has been in here.
‘Thank God, you stopped me in time.’ Porscha sounds as though he’s just saved her from accidentally walking off a clifftop. ‘How disgusting. I’ll get cleaning over here immediately.’
The whole experience has clearly put her off evaluating its suitability as potential accommodation. I hear the trailer door open and feel Porscha’s weight on the steps.
‘Maybe I’ll come back another time. When you have fresh sheets,’ she laughs. ‘Ciao.’
The trailer door clicks shut and, a few moments later, there’s a gentle knock on the bedroom door. ‘The coast is clear.’ Cam opens the door and spots me still hidden under his quilt. It smells of lemon-scented woody aftershave. Just like his shirts. Fresh and clean. The CHAP 3 story was a complete lie. I’m impressed.
‘That woman is stress on legs, isn’t she?’ I say, sitting up in his bed. ‘I’m surprised you’re not on permanent tenterhooks. It’s almost sexual harassment in the workplace the way she’s throwing herself at you.’
