Ava and Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen lean in to hear what is going on. I press the loudspeaker button. They may as well hear first-hand the consequences of their drunk social media posting.
Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen looks at me as though I’ve just pressed the button for DEFCON 1.
It’s a teaching moment. An ironic teaching moment.
‘Miss Weston, I assure you, no one of that name works here at the ICF. We do not have a Madrid branch and we certainly haven’t suspended anyone.’ She sounds annoyed. ‘I’m going to push for your monitoring visit to take place as soon as possible. Goodbye.’
We take a beat to stare at each other.
Apparently, Oliver is lying about working for the ICF or the ICF are lying about him.
I switch my phone back on.
Five missed calls from Oliver.
Chapter 31
Beforewecandigestthis startling information, the phone trills again. Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen gingerly picks up as though the handset weighs more than a baby elephant.
‘Hello, is that The Life Coach?’ asks a polite voice.
Of course, Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen has pressed loudspeaker. Of course, she has.
It is Wendy, the lovely Zoom woman, who wanted help dealing with her men fellas. She is wondering if she could book another session with me in a few days’ time and she has an idea she would like to discuss.
‘Also,’ she says, ‘would it be possible for us to go on The Coach Trip? I’ve just seen it pop up on my socials. It sounds like an ideal team away-day. Will we be life-coached when we get there? How do we book places?’
GAAAH!
Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen tells her that I’ll be in touch really soon with all of the information.Me. I will be in touch really soon withALLof the information.
I stand with one hand on my hip and my other arm raised, my finger pointing towards my office, ready for when she clicks off the call.
‘You two! In my office NOW!’ I sound like a very cross Headteacher. They both wilt under the force of my instruction and meekly head through the door.
I catch sight of my reflection in the gigantic mirror across the office. My hair is all over the place. I reach up to pat it down. Is that a yellow post-it stuck in there somewhere? Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen and Ava are standing sheepishly over by the window. I look no better than either of them.
I push thoughts of Oliver to one side. One thing at a time.
‘I’m so sorry,’ says Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen. ‘I am late. I have no notes. I have mixed up the bookings again, and I think… I may have been sick in your fridge.’
Ava is staring at her toes. They are poking out of her wedge sandals and seem to be absorbingly fascinating.
I take a deep breath and instantly calm down. I need to be at my best. I want to be a more effective life coach. I have the tools I need to run this businessandhelp Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen, rather than abandon her like I have.
‘I’m sorry too,’ I say to Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen. ‘I shouldn’t have yelled. It’s not your fault. Well, not entirely. Or yours, Ava.’
I realise that I also need to help my clients. They have been paying me good money, even if I have no idea where it has gone, to do a job and so far, I am failing them.
‘We’ll figure it out together.’ I invite them to sit down. ‘But first, I need to be honest with you, Ava.’
Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen beats me to it. ‘I am not the managing director. And… I am not entirely sure what happens here.’
Ava sniggers.
‘And I’m not the CEO,’ I say, causing Ava’s jaw to drop open. ‘I don’t run this company. Nidi does. She’s the qualified life coach. I’m more like an apprentice. I only just qualified.’ I point to the envelope on my desk.
‘Yes. This is true. Quick qualify,’ Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen says helpfully. ‘She made the last client cry.’
