Endless Cloud sweeps forward to wish everyone a good night. He throws what looks like crushed lavender pot pouri at us from a small basket in his hand. Most of it seems to land in my hair. ‘May your spirits be at one with your souls. Rest and be at peace.’
This day keeps on getting worse and worse. I march away from him towards my room. I poke the heavy key into the lock and push open the large ornate door with a loud creak. As promised, the room is so ablaze with the glare of crystals reflecting from every surface that I hardly know where to look.
I’m so ridiculously tired and hungry, I fall face first into the big soft bed, relieved it’s not a straw mattress on the floor.
‘Happy birthday,’ I whisper to myself, and within seconds I am out like a light.
Chapter 6
Whatseemslikeafew hours later, I’m woken by a God-awful clanging. My eyes spring open, trying to make sense of the pitch black. I hear a scurrying noise outside and fly to my balcony.
‘Fire! Where’s the fire?’ I hear someone yelling to my right. I can just about make out a huge shape on the balcony next to mine.
‘Oliver? Is that you?’
‘Nell?’ he yells back, sounding panicked. ‘What’s the ringing? I smell smoke. Is there a forest fire?’
Like I should know?
‘Would I be standing talking to you if the whole place was burning down?’ I say. I can hear the stroppy tone, and I’m not loving it, but before Oliver can say anything, we hear a wailing sound.
Oliver gasps, I can just make out his hands flying to his face like that painting The Scream. ‘It must have spread to the retreat. Quick, Nell, grab your essentials and get out of there. We need to evacuate. NOW!’
He really isn't great in a crisis situation but he is thoughtful, I'll give him that.
‘Now?’ All I can think of is that apart from Ava’s GHDs and Chanel sunglasses, I haven’t anything worth saving.
‘Yes. Over there, look!’ He points to the source of light being thrown across the retreat towards us. He’s right, there is a strange orange glow rising from the far side of the retreat.
I turn to Oliver. He’s standing on the balcony next to mine, a few feet away but there’s something not quite right about this situation. In the panic, my eyes adjust to the darkness. No, that can’t be right.
‘Are you naked?’ I squeak.
What is wrong with him?
‘I didn’t have time to find my robe,’ he says. ‘Besides, I hardly think it matters when it’s a life or death situation.’
‘Well, could you at least cover up before we run screaming for our lives?’
He gives me a disbelieving look.
‘Well, could you at least stop staring at my genitals while you talk to me?’ he says sharply.
Gaaaah!
‘Well…. erm, could you stop… being so sensitive?’
This tit-for-tat sounds incredibly infantile when so many people are burning to death around us. Suddenly, the clanging stops and the wailing increases.
Oliver shushes me.
He’s so rude. And still incredibly naked.
‘Listen, do you hear that?’
I’m not sure I want to hear people dying of smoke inhalation and horrific burns. ‘Shouldn’t we be running for our lives?’ I say, baffled as to why I can’t seem to drag my eyes away from his magnificent torso. ‘I mean… trying to save them. Shouldn’t we be trying to save them?’
‘Wait… the smoke on the wind, it’s no wild fire.’ He sniffs the air and lets out a huge, exasperated sigh. ‘It smells of patchouli.’
