Instead, he said quietly, “Not.” At Sascha’s raised brow, Ivan clarified, “You said intentional or not.” He met Sascha’s gaze evenly. “Not.”
Sascha hummed, keeping the eye contact for a prolonged moment, then turned to Kai. “If you want to join Nix and Matty, I wouldn’t mind some time alone with Ivan.”
For all his posturing, Kai didn’t hesitate once Sascha made his wishes known. He bent low for a kiss, shot one last glare at Ivan, and walked out of the kitchen.
Ivan waited to hear the front door shut before he spoke again.He’d thought to tell Sascha more details of what he and Nix were planning, but instead found himself asking, “Do you remember the man you walked in on being tortured?”
It was a stupid question, and maybe a cruel one. Ivan already knew Sascha remembered. It was the reason Ivan’s brother couldn’t stand the sight of blood. He’d been too young to see such butchery—a full decade younger than Ivan at the time—and it had taken its toll.
Sascha paled but nodded. “I do.”
“He was the son of a local mob boss.” Ivan could see him now, as he’d looked before the torture. Relatively young and plain-looking, but strong. He’d seemed quite strong, actually, before Ivan’s father and his men had gotten their hands on him. “Not any huge organization, but big enough to have our father’s attention. The man’s father had passed, and he tried to take over, as had been planned.” Ivan tried and failed to relax his fists. “He failed. A brother or a cousin set him up and he ended up in our hands. You know what happened then.” Sascha nodded, his face still ashen. “After you left, Father had me put a bullet in him to end it.”
Sascha gripped the table, as if to steady himself. “Ivan. You were only, what, sixteen?”
“My first kill.” Ivan’s lips twitched into a bitter smile. “Father wanted me to know the consequences of failure.”
“That’s fucked up,” Sascha hissed, some of the color returning to his face. He seemed to let it sink in for a moment, then repeated, waving a hand in agitation, “That’ssofucked up. And it’s fucked up that you’ve believed him for so long. Not every mistake ends in gruesome death, Ivan. Jesus.”
Sascha didn’t wait for Ivan to argue, just frowned down at his mug, speaking thoughtfully, “If Nix…if having him around is helping you rethink some of the ways we were raised, then…” He met Ivan’s eyes. “I don’t care if he’s desperate or has ulterior motives. Keep him around. And we’ll help, with the…restructuring. Me and Kai.”
Was that why Ivan had told Sascha the story? To manipulate him into helping? Or had he been looking for some sort of catharsis? Ivan didn’t know. He couldn’t tell anymore. It was probably Nix’s fault somehow. He was turning Ivan into something soft. Into the type of person thatsharedthings.
But if it brought Ivan’s brothers around…
“You think you can talk Alexei into doing the same?” he asked.
“Unlikely. Very unlikely.”
Ivan nodded. He hadn’t expected any different.
They passed a moment in silence before Sascha said, frowning down at his mug again, “We should put whiskey in this coffee.”
“It’s ten a.m.”
“So? You just told me about your first murder. As ateenager.”
Ivan shrugged. It wasn’t as if the memory was new to him. But also…what else did he have to do in Maine?
He raised his mug. “All right, then. Let’s get drunk.”
13
Nix
Nix and Matteo walked the short distance downtown, neither of them speaking.
It wasn’t in Nix’s nature to stay so quiet, but Matteo was an odd one, and Nix wasn’t quite sure how not to scare him off. He was once again swimming in a hooded sweatshirt about three sizes too large for him and radiating a massive amount of discomfort.
Nix might have thought he was shy, or maybe socially anxious like Ivan claimed Cooper was, but it wasn’t anxiety leaching off Matteo.
It was fear.
Somuchfear, as soon as they’d left the safety of the house he shared with Sascha and Kai.
It made Nix’s skin itch a touch. Fear wasn’t his emotion of choice, or even among his top ten. It was too ashen for his taste.
Nightmare, on the other hand, would be well sated in Matteo’s presence, with fear like that to feed off of. Except Nightmare waspicky as hell about his contracts. He didn’t seem to care if he was stuck in the Void for all eternity.
