Page 54 of Wreaking Havoc
“Because it haunts you.” Taloned hands landed on his shoulders, cupping them gently. “And because it’s part of you, and I wish to know all parts of you.”
He’d found the perfect answer. Sascha couldn’t resist. Who didn’t want to be known? To be seen with all their flaws and hang-ups and still be wanted in the end?
He cleared his throat. He could feel panic hovering on the periphery, but it couldn’t quite take hold, not with Kai’s solid warmth surrounding him. “I was still a kid,” he began. “Only six, I think. I went somewhere I wasn’t supposed to. My father and his men were…torturing someone, I guess. There was blood everywhere.”
Kai’s grip on his shoulders tightened. “Too young for such a sight.”
“Yeah, but I might’ve—maybe I still would have been okay,” Sascha told him. “But when the guy saw me—when he realized someone new had arrived—he started…begging.” Sascha struggled to swallow, to keep the panic at bay. Kai began stroking his upper arms in a steady rhythm. “Asking me to help him, to save him, telling me how much it hurt. I was so little— What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t help. I couldn’t do anything. My father sent me back upstairs eventually, but I could—I could hear him screaming as I left.” He let out a harsh breath. “When I see blood, it’s like I’m right back there. Helpless. Useless.”
Kai’s hands were a soothing balm. “Such pain you hold.”
Sascha shook his head decisively. “No, I’m—I’m lucky. I’m spoiled,” he said, repeating the familiar refrain. Spoiled Sascha who didn’t have to work, who had a chauffeur and a maid and an entire apartment bought for him, who received a sizable allowance no matter how useless he was.
“We must have different definitions of the word,” Kai murmured. “But no matter—Iwill spoil you.” He started pouring palmfuls of water over Sascha’s shoulders again. “A demon spoils its mate. And if we bonded, you could not be hurt. You could not fall ill.”
He said the last part pointedly, like that was a huge selling point.
Sascha gave an incredulous laugh. “You want to permanently bond our souls together because you don’t want me to get the flu again?”
“I want to permanently bond our souls because I wish to stay by your side,” Kai said easily.
The words were so sweet, but after reliving his past, even for a moment, Sascha was one raw nerve. One raw nerve with serious trust issues. “But you’re supposed to go home,” he pointed out.
“You want me to?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want!” Sascha half hissed, half yelled, anger rushing through him without cause. “You’re going—you’re going toleave. You told me yourself. Everyone leaves eventually, and you’re included in everyone so…”
It was true. That was what happened when someone was weak and useless and stood still while everyone else moved on. People disappeared, no matter how attached to them someone got. Sascha’s mother, all the nannies, Alexei.
The panic that had been hovering at the edge took hold, and he could only force breath into his lungs with heaving gasps.
Kai made soothing noises, wrapping his broad arms tightly around Sascha. His biceps were so large, so otherworldly, with the blue lines dancing on the skin of his right arm, that Sascha was taken out of his head in an instant.
“You’re stupid big,” he said dumbly.
Kai gave a soft laugh. Eventually, when Sascha’s breaths had evened and his muscles had released their tension, Kai spoke again. “I can also protect you without staying,” he said, holding Sascha more firmly when the words sent a jolt through him. “If you don’t wish to keep me. You could use me to take control from your brother—I could give you that. You could have his power for yourself.”
Sascha twisted in Kai’s hold to glare at him. “Why the fuck would I want that? That isn’t the bargain we made. I don’t need his power; I just don’t want to be stabbed again.”
“I see.” A broad smile graced Kai’s lips. It should have been alarming, with all those sharp teeth. But it was only beautiful. “I would very much like a mate bond with you, Sascha,” he purred, like Sascha had just given him a love confession.
Kai didn’t get it. Didn’t get that Sascha wasn’t the catch he thought he was. “I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret,” he told him.
Kai cocked his head. “And why would I regret it?”
“You just will.” Sascha let out a bitter laugh. “I’m not that great, as humans go.”
There was a long silence.
Sascha huffed, slapping at the water with his palm. “This is when you disagree with me.”
Kai grabbed his hand, stilling his movements. “I’m gathering my words,” he told him. After a moment, he spoke. “You asked why I entered my name and powers into the Book. There was the prestige and power, yes. But in truth…” Kai met his eyes, looking more serious than Sascha had ever seen him. “I have been a restless soul for as long as I can remember. It’s why I attached myself to the Book. Why I looked to the human realm for diversion. But when I’m with you, Sascha, I am…soothed. Content. For perhaps the very first time in my existence. It’s the way I would like to feel, going forward.” He pressed a kiss to the back of Sascha’s hand. “I will not regret.”
Well, that was lovely. That was just so fucking lovely. What was Sascha supposed to do with that kind of loveliness? Fall in love and live happily ever after?
Was that even allowed, for someone like him?
“But we need to bondbeforewe finish the contract,” Kai told him, his voice gentle, as if sensing his declaration had shaken Sascha to his core.
