I just didn’t know.
My chest started to constrict, my breathing quickening. I fidgeted, wanting to get out of here.
The whole time, six sets of eyes stared back at us.
A hand appeared on my leg, stopping it from bouncing and pulling my attention.
Jayden.
His pale hand squeezed my thigh, and I inhaled, hoping like hell I wasn’t making a dick of myself.
“Just give me and Sutton here a few minutes. That all right?” His voice was calm, soothing on my nerves.
“Absolutely.” It was Harry who spoke.
And then Jayden was tugging me up, hand on my arm and then holding my hand. He led me out the room and asked the woman at reception for an empty space we could duck into, and she must have given him the information, as I followed blindly before I heard a door closing and Jayden pushing me onto a small couch in an empty office.
Lips pressed against mine, soft and tender. Jayden’s tongue skimmed my lips, encouraging me to open. I did so immediately, welcoming the contact, the intrusion. Needing him to ground me and help my emotions and head catch up with everything, especially my reaction to it all.
Slowly, tension trickled out of me, but I wasn’t ready to stop. Wrapping my arms around him, I held on tightly. The perfect distraction from my addled brain was him, and I was loath to let go.
Jayden sank against me, giving me what I needed. Tender touches. Sweet kisses. A steady reassurance he was with me.
All too soon he pulled away. This time I allowed it and met his concerned gaze.
“What’s going on in that bulging brain of yours?” he asked, his words gentle. He traced his fingers on my temple and down to my cheek.
I looked back at him, not expecting to find amusement or disbelief, but I checked anyway. Nothing but curiosity and affection shone back at me.
When I eased back onto the sofa, Jayden moved off his knees where he’d been camped out between my thighs and sat next to me.
“I think I panicked.” Uncomfortable heat spread across my skin, admitting as much to him. Rather than respond, he nodded, the look in his eyes encouraging me to continue. “I feel like a fraud. Then when I realized I felt that way, I started to freak. Then when I started to panic, I felt ridiculous for reacting that way. Still do.” I rubbed my palm over my short hair, frustrated by the spiral of emotions.
When I risked a glance at him, his smile was thin, tight. “So…” He paused, twisting his mouth, swallowing hard, and then exhaling. “A fraud?” His brows knotted. It was obvious he was trying to figure me out, my reaction. I held back my derisive snort.Good luck with that. How could Jayden possibly understand, since I was just as clueless. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Hurt filled his expression. I saw the battle before me as clear as day. He wanted to understand, wanted to help, but the more confused I became, the more I could possibly hurt him.
I’d done enough of that already. No way did he deserve any more.
“You said you’ve had feelings for me for a while.” His cheeks turned crimson. “Did I get that wrong?”
I shook my head. “No, you didn’t. I have. I do.” Annoyed I was doing an awful job of explaining myself, I ran a frustrated hand over my face. “That,” I said, finally facing him again, pushing every trace of certainty I could muster into my words as possible, “I am sure of. I know how I feel about you. You’re the only thing I’m certain about at the moment.”
He exhaled shakily and reached out and took my hand. “And?”
“But who am I? How do I identify? What changed? Why now?” The questions continued to spiral in my brain. “I’m such a fucking idiot. I prided myself on being so fucking smart, knowing my goals, my plan, and now I’m beginning to question everything.” I gripped Jayden’s hand firmly, terrified he’d pull away.
“Hey.” He squeezed my palm. “I’m sure of my feelings for you too.” A gentle resolve caressed his words, and fuck if I didn’t love him the more for it. “All those questions you have, I have too.” I nodded like an idiot, feeling like a bigger dickhead that I was the one having a meltdown while Jayden was here carrying me. “Hell, Sutton. I don’t know any real answers to any of your questions. All I know is everything I feel for you is right. I know it and trust in it.”
His words were like a sucker punch to my gut. Why the fuck couldn’t I trust in it like he did? What was with the overanalysis?
“Listen, we’re different. Our brains work differently,” he said, the slightest edge of amusement creeping into his tone. “I’m the dumb jock who just goes with the flow, remember?”
“You’renota dumb jock,” I said vehemently, hating when he joked about shit like that.
A look of satisfaction lit his face at my words, and I couldn’t resist the smile that pulled at my lips when he was genuinely happy. “But you use your brain differently to me, and you wanna know what I think?”
