All of that shit about thinking gross thoughts or whatever never did the job for me. Hearing Sutton enter the room, I took a shaky breath. It was now or never.
CHAPTER10
SUTTON
Watchingthe movie had been the most delicious torture I’d ever experienced. Between overhearing Jayden talking to his dick—this was Jayden so I had no doubts that’s what he’d been chatting to—and him cuddling up to me, ending up rubbing against my cock, and I was a walking, grunting ball of need.
I wanted him so badly my nerve endings were alive and pulsing with desire.
Every touch, look, and word we shared buzzed with awareness all night. It had been developing for a few days, something I was viscerally conscious of.
Tonight a change had happened. While I didn’t understand fully why that was, if Jayden indicated he wanted more from me, I wouldn’t hold back. Couldn’t if my life depended on it.
But it had to be him.
Being in love with the guy meant I had no choice but to hold back. This had to be his decision. Only then could I truly be all in.
His words from when we were in the outback taunted me. He’d said the same things. “All in” then was bullshit. We’d both known it. There was only one version of “all in” that existed.
Heart, body, mind, and soul.
I wanted to give him it all. So ready that my body vibrated.
Already in bed, I tried to relax and not act as if this could be it. The moment he asked me for more. Despite my efforts, my muscles were tight.
More than aware he could exit the bathroom, give me his usual sweet kiss—one of my favorite parts of the day—and turn his back to me, I closed my eyes and counted to ten.
Then to twenty.
Moving on to thirty, I heard the soft click of the door opening. I had no choice but to look.
I soaked him in, drank in the light splattering of hair on his chest, the way his muscles dipped and curved. Reaching his stomach, I didn’t dare go any further, my gaze snapping to his.
Moving toward the bed, he seemed in control, unperturbed by the invisible current zapping between us. Before he got into bed, he faltered. The first tell his nerves were close to the surface.
“Jay.” I stopped there, not sure what else to say.
But he knew. He had to.
The man at my side, now under the covers, his head on the pillow, his whole body facing me, knew me. And I was tired, oh so tired of the wall I’d erected, the barrier I’d felt like I had no choice but to build to protect my heart from my friend.
Jayden would never hurt me deliberately. The certainty of that was as clear as the open expression on his face.
With parted lips, his eyes wide, Jayden’s stare remained unwavering.
I lowered beside him, head on my pillow, aware of every inch of space between us. Warmth spread between us, and the slow movement of his hand caught my attention. I held my breath. Waiting, needing, wanting. And then his palm touched my cheek, fingers dancing over my skin. The gentlest touch I’d ever experienced.
It surprised me, the tenderness of the exploration. Jayden often dived in headfirst, usually without a first and never with a second look. But here he was, his gaze and fingers wandering, as if discovering the man beyond the friendship for the first time.
I expected him to speak, assumed he would say something cocky to cut through the tension.
I was wrong.
He leaned in, his stare on mine, his breathing uneven. Watching, waiting, perhaps assuming I’d stop him.
He should have known better.
Unable to wait, I closed the gap, my lips pressing against his, and then our mouths joined, moving, exploring, tongues probing. One of us groaned, maybe both of us, and Jayden wasted no time in plastering himself against my body.
