I assumed the shake of his head meant he wasn’t convinced. “I mean, the last couple of weeks have been intense. Like, crazy intense. When we left the States, it was clearly without Sutton, and don’t even bullshit me by saying nothing weird was going on between you.”
I lifted a brow at his choice of words.
He snorted. “Notthatthing between you. I mean, whenever I spoke to you or Sutton, you were never together.”
Trying to control my expression, I held back my wince. “You know, codependency is unhealthy.” Somehow I contained my smile as I channeled Sutton’s words. “Not spending all your time with someone can be a sign of a healthy relationship.”
When his mouth gaped, I couldn’t hold back my grin. His stink eye simply made me chuckle.
“You’re an asshole. You’re telling me everything was fine between you and Sutton?”
I reminded myself to stay as close to the truth as possible. “Secrets are hard. You know that,” I said pointedly. He acknowledged my words with a slight nod. “Working together, being in each other’s space while having secrets, is not easy. But you know Sutton is the one person in the world who gets me.” The truth of those last words rang loud and clear. “I’m not saying last season wasn’t difficult and that things were always okay between Gale and me, because they weren’t. But it’s different now.” A genuine smile lifted my lips.
Everything was so very different.
While I wouldn’t forget the reason for the decision Sutton and I had made, I couldn’t regret it. I had my friend back, and what was more, I liked our version of dating. A lot. Like, a hell of a lot.
Every night before I turned the lamp off, because of course we were sharing a bed since being back, I couldn’t resist dotting that same brief kiss on his lips. It was a moment, an exchange I’d come to crave. The touch sent a flurry of butterflies to wake and take flight in my stomach every time I did so.
How on earth could I regret something that felt so right?
“You really love him, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said immediately. Maybe it wasn’t the full-on romantic love he was referring to, but without a doubt, I loved Sutton. “So, my questions?” I pushed.
For a beat, Ryan stared at me, wonder still evident in his expression before he told me his story.
I listened, my heart feeling lighter the more he explained. That he hadn’t figured out his sexuality until he was at college had made my heart flip over. A strange relief formed in my chest knowing there wasn’t a single rule that meant if you didn’t realize at puberty or simply forever or something, it meant there was something funky going on.
It’s stuff I always thought I’d known, just from watching movies and TV, but it had never been a conversation I’d had.
“So falling for a guy later on, even though I’ve never been attracted to another man before, that’s, I don’t know, okay?” I asked honestly.
Ryan’s smile was gentle when he said, “I’m not the font of all knowledge to everything gay-related. Struth, I’ve been publicly out for what, a year? Sexuality doesn’t come with a rule book. That much I know. You know the term love is love?” He didn’t wait for an answer, saying, “You ever think about what that means? How love simplyislove. It comes in so many shapes and forms, and no one size fits all. You falling in love with your best friend?” A huge grin lit his face. “You know I’m all about best-friend love.”
I grinned and put aside the empty beer bottle.
“You think about it. How many straight single guys have straight single female friends and it simply stays that way?” He shrugged. “Sure, I know there’s plenty of exceptions, but I think falling for your friend is natural. Here’s this person you care for, share all your time with, and it’s normal for romantic feelings to get involved. I don’t know, maybe millions of people with platonic friendships would call bullshit. Maybe we’re the anomaly. I just know that loving Nate is as natural and easy for me as breathing.”
Latching on to his words, I absorbed them and considered them carefully. He stood and indicated if I wanted another beer. “Yeah. Thanks.” Alone with my thoughts, I thought about everything I knew and felt.
I loved Sutton.
I wasn’t sure about romantic love yet, but the idea was far from horrifying. And that sounded really shitty, but that Iwasn’tas freaked by the possibility warped my mind.
I supposed the question was, did I want to be open for more with Sutton, really explore something with him? Make our “real” relationshipreallyreal?
Hearing footsteps returning to the outside patio area, I called out, “So tell me more about anal sex. Is it really as good as the porn I’ve watched?” I was mildly aware that an engaged bi man wouldn’t ask these questions. But hell, I needed inside information. I could totally argue the case that Sutton and I were saving ourselves till our wedding night.
When my dick perked up, I looked down at my lap in surprise. I huffed out a laugh. “Huh, you like the idea of some anal penetration, right, big guy?”
A strangled sound came from behind me. I turned quickly to peer over my shoulder. In the doorway stood Sutton, a bag of takeout in his hand and a heat in his eyes that had me freezing.
And as easy as that, my cock hardened, thick and fast, and totally on board with whatever was happening right now.
Ignoring the tremble in my hands, I gave him a chin lift, an easy smile on my face. “Smells good,” I said, completely ignoring the tension. I was 99.9 percent sure he’d overheard at least part of what I said.
Movement behind him drew my attention. Nate appeared. “We good to eat out here? I can put the patio heater on.”
