“And some.”
“You’re the dad?” The words tasted sour, wrong. And selfish or not, I wished with everything I had that he wasn’t. His reaction had given me hope, but his following words would either destroy me all over again or, hell… I didn’t even know anymore.
“You really need to ask me that question?” Disgust registered in his voice, the timbre causing the hairs on my arms to stand on end. “If that’s the case, you really have changed and never knew me at all.”
“No,” I rushed to say, all but hearing him making a move to end the call. “I don’t, not really. I just… reacted.” I rested my forehead against the kitchen counter and closed my eyes, the phone still to my ear. “I just saw a picture on Instagram, saw an exchange, and freaked out.”
Nate made a sound in the back of his throat.
“I’m sorry. I know you’d never do that. I know you look out for her.”
“She’s practically my kid sister.”
His words stung, the truth of them clogging my throat with emotion. For years I’d been avoiding him and putting distance between my family and me. It had reached the point where I didn’t know how to make everything right, unravel this lonely existence I’d made for myself, correct the harm I’d done, the hurt I’d caused.
“Perhaps you should finish this conversation with Amber.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I angled up and took a seat on the stool. “I’ll give her a call.”
“Give her twenty. She’s having a bath.”
“You’re there?” I frowned before shaking myself from the direction my emotions attempted to tug out of me.
“For the foreseeable future.”
My back went ramrod straight. “What’s wrong?”
Nate sighed once more, and while it was beginning to rankle, I got it. “I’m so pissed that you have to even ask that.” Sorrow blanketed his tone, carrying his words to me and threatening to suffocate me. I’d hurt Nate so badly.
“I know. I wish I didn’t have to ask,” I said honestly, trying and struggling to remember when I last bothered to pick up the phone to call Amber or Gran.
“Gran’s not great. She took a fall a couple of days back, but she wasn’t doing brilliantly before that either. And Amber’s due soon. She’s big and cranky, and she’s got no one but Gran and me.”
“I’d be there if I could—”
His laughter cut me off. “That right?”
I clenched my jaw, hating he was right. The last three times I’d promised to visit, I’d canceled my plans, and when Gran offered to come out, I’d put her off. “Listen, I know I fucked up.”
“And some.”
“I get it, but I’m trying here.”
“Right, one call with you accusing me of knocking up your sister and asking a few questions means you’re trying. I suppose it’s good to have expectations.”
God, I hated he was right, but that didn’t stop my hackles rising, trying to defend myself, even knowing my own arguments were hollow. “They don’t want for anything,” I gritted out.
Hell, I’d bought Gran a house a few years back. I’d offered a couple of times to give them money too, but every time Gran refused. My gut tightened. Gran had retired last year, and I didn’t even consider if she was still okay financially.
“That’s right. I don’t suppose the love and support of a brother or a grandson rank so highly these days. Whatever makes you sleep at night. Just call your sister. I’m done.”
He ended the call. I pulled my phone away and stared at the screen, not quite sure which emotion to settle on. The worse thing was knowing anything Nate threw at me, I deserved.
CHAPTER3
NATE
JANUARY
