“Yeah.” His gaze stayed glued to mine. “I think telling them would help me cope with you not being there. Either that or you come with me.”
Wide-eyed, I froze, gaping and with no idea what to say. “You serious?”
He shrugged. “You want me to be serious?”
I frowned. “No. You can’t do that, say that and put it back on me.” My whole body vibrated, a rush of confusing emotions vying for attention.
“Shit, Nate. I just—” He sat up and faced me. “There are things that I know.” I raised my brows at him, indicating that I was absolutely paying attention. “I know that leaving you is going to be miserable and hurt like fuck. I know that I do not want to be out in public, but our friends and family... I want them to see how much you mean to me. How amazing you are.”
A lump formed in my throat so big, I wondered if I’d be able to dislodge it without breaking down.
“I also know that if we can’t be together next season, one year is all I have left in me.”
“What do you mean?” My question was whisper soft. While I was sure I understood the meaning, I couldn’t quite believe it, nor was I sure I could let it happen.
And fuck if that thought didn’t shoot poison into my gut.
“I have one more season left before I’m a free agent. I can take an offer or leave.”
“You can’t leave,” I rushed to say. “You play in the League, for Christ’s sake. This is your dream, and you’re so fucking good at it.”
“But what if my dream’s changed?”
Dead. Kaput. Melted. Ryan had officially destroyed me.
Held frozen, I gaped at him. For a man who was the master of struggling to share his emotions, Ryan had nailed it. Hell, he’d blown all declarations in the history of mankind out of the water. Or at least where my heart was concerned.
After closing my gaping mouth, I finally spoke. “I don’t know. Is that what you want?”
Everything seemed too much, too soon, despite this moment feeling like it had been fifteen years in the making.
Shifting to his knees, Ryan reached out and touched my face. I melted into his warmth, not quite believing this was all going on now.
“If you say all that you want is me, I swear I’m either going to die or break out in a Mariah Carey tune.” The words tumbled out of me, unexpected and unplanned. But apparently, my overstimulated brain didn’t give a damn about random thoughts escaping.
For a split second, Ryan paused. Hovering above me, his lips twitched. Then the bastard laughed, full-on belly laughed. He collapsed on top of me, whole-body shakes vibrating through me as the muscled oaf squashed me. Flat on my back and squished, trying to breathe was pointless. Instead, I let Ryan’s hysteria sweep over me until I gasped for breath. This time, I wheezed and patted his arms, needing him to move.
Ryan did so immediately, his whole face alight with amusement while I chugged in lungfuls of air. “You trying to kill me?”
His smile still in place, he said, “You’re apparently the one who’s going to die. Or would you prefer me to turn your playlist on?”
Reaching out to the side, I clamped on to a pillow and smacked it across his head. “Piss off,” I grumbled. My heart remained unsteady and still accelerated. While my faux pas made me cringe, it gave us both a slight reprieve from the oversharing.
Ryan leaned on his elbow and peered down at me. Warmth shone in his eyes, and I felt the heat scorching into me, leaving a trail as it maneuvered around me.
The intensity in his gaze sobered me almost instantly. I gnawed on my cheek, building the courage to tell him the truth. After what he’d already shared, he deserved it.
“I love you.” I didn’t look away as I spoke, didn’t fidget despite the flicker of embarrassment sparking to life in my chest. The intensity remained as Ryan stayed freakishly quiet and calm, enough that I worried if, after all that had happened, he’d been pushed over the edge.
Either that or he had a Mariah Carey song stuck on a loop in his head.
“If I tell you I love you, you promise you won’t be dead?”
I almost sprained something with my eye roll. “I promise not to change the ringtone on your phone.” I could compromise when the incentive was there.
Ryan’s smile was wide and perfect. “I love you.”
I laughed out a huff of air, amusement, relief, and full-on happiness mingling.
