“Was just going to see if you wanted to meet for breakfast in the morning.” Jayden shrugged. “Seems stupid as shit now.”
I sighed. “You think? Your cell not working?”
He shrugged again.
“We’re going to head off.” Sutton stood and dragged Jayden up with him. “We’ll text you about breakfast.” They headed toward the door and opened it. Before Sutton pulled it closed, he turned to me, his lips pressing together. “Listen, I’m sorry if we fucked anything up, but we both have your back. Just remember that, okay?”
Surprising the heck out of me, Sutton reached out and hauled me into a tight, brief hug. I hugged him back, pissed at myself that I believed him yet still didn’t share what was in my heart.
When he eased away, he ruffled my hair a little, like the dickhead I was used to. “When you go back home, just spend proper time with Nate and your family. Figure out what you want and what’s good for your heart, okay?”
I couldn’t do anything but nod as I clamped down on my lips, too afraid my emotions would spill out and life would irrevocably change.
I wished I was ready for that, but faced with the reality, I just wasn’t quite sure when or if that would ever happen.
CHAPTER11
NATE
For three hoursI’d tossed and turned before finally settling into a fitful sleep. Seven o’clock was too damn early to be awake after the shitshow of how my night had ended, but I was awake, showered, dressed, and on my second cup of coffee by the time Ryan showed his face.
While seeing him this morning was inevitable, that didn’t do a thing to slow my racing heart battering against my chest. It was already bruised and hurt from what I’d overheard, so what were a few thumps for good measure?
I was bombarded by if, buts, and maybes, so the last thing I wanted to do was take his words personally, but that didn’t stop the hurt. Ryan hadn’t even told me that he was into men. Not officially. For all I knew, Ryan could be struggling to accept what could be a new discovery. Or our kiss could have been a tipsy experiment. Or perhaps he even knew he was gay, was into me, but didn’t want to come out at that moment to his drunk work colleagues.
Those possibilities had kept me awake most of the night, and my “Morning” sounded wooden, despite practicing how to greet him, but the word was out there. Determined to stick to my plan, I indicated the pot of coffee. “My coffee attempt is better than yesterday’s. It’s safe to drink.” There was no follow-up chuckle, though. I didn’t have it in me to play casual that much.
Ryan stood a few steps from his door, gaze on me, his hesitation clear.ThatI wasn’t going to fix. If pressed, I wouldn’t lie and say what he said was okay and didn’t hurt, but for now, my plan was to get through the next few days before we headed back to Australia.
“Yeah, thanks.” His response was cautious, and rather than offering him false platitudes, I bobbed my head and went back to my phone and checking my emails. Unfortunately, little in my emails needed my attention, so I closed my phone and took another gulp of coffee.
“How’s your ankle?”
“A bit tender. I’ll just keep it strapped, and it’ll be fine.”
I hummed in response, not sure if his version of fine was the same as mine or his physio’s. “What are your plans for today? Have you got meetings or anything?” I asked, despite already being sort of aware of the answer. At this point, I wanted a safe topic. Plans seemed like the logical option.
The rake of his gaze over my face froze the breath in my lungs. It was clear what he was searching for, but I was tired, too exhausted to control my features, keep the hurt from my eyes.
Ryan rubbed a palm over his face, his own exhaustion evident before he pulled his hand away and took a step forward, so only the small kitchen bar separated us. “You heard me last night… talking to the guys.”
The statement was out there, and I waited for him to continue.
“It was a shit thing to say, to talk about you like that, Nate. I’m sorry.” Truth bled into his words, complete with so much hurt that my heart ached afresh.
I swallowed hard, my mind snagging on his words. “Are you sorry for saying it or for me hearing?” My voice was rougher than I would have liked. I exhaled, wishing my half-arsed plan of staying casual and leaving this conversation for another time could have played out.
Why the hell now did Ryan decide to be open and talk this out? Sure, it was the Ryan I knew from my youth, but considering his history of running and cutting me from his life, I’d relied on that, expected him to ignore the giant elephant in the room.
“Both.” A tremble was evident in that one word, but while my whole being ached for him, I couldn’t give him the answers or make any of this okay.
I took another sip of coffee, working hard at controlling my breathing.
This whole thing was screwed.
Yesterday was incredible, and that kiss, my legs wrapped around him, his hand on my cock… was beyond anything I imagined.
Unable to help myself, I asked, “Do you regret yesterday?”
