The knowledge meant I could focus on being his friend and finding ways to reassure him that his friendship was more important than anything else between us.
I forced my heart into a box, padlocking it up tight, and promised myself there’d be a time I’d let it out again. But for now, reconnecting with Dan as friends would be my new mission.
* * *
“I’m not takingno for an answer.”
Armed with takeout from the Thai place we’d eaten at a while back, I stood at Dan’s door, wafting the bag in front of me so he’d be hit with the delicious scent.
“And why would I say no if you’ve brought me food?” He quirked his brow at me and directed at me that familiar grin that made my knees weak.
“Uh-huh.” It was all I offered, knowing we were as bad as each other, dancing around my feelings for him. It was time we stopped. I missed him too much to give him up.
He stepped to the side, letting me in. “You want beer?”
“That’d be great.” I’d have just the one with my meal, meaning I’d be fine to drive home. Tonight was about reconnecting and setting the record straight. I balked at my thoughts, calling bullshit, as there wasn’t a chance I’d be laying my feelings bare before him—especially as I expected it was my feelings that had made him run in the first place.
With that in mind, tonight’s mission was reaffirming we were friends and securing that friendship with him was doable and important.
Perhaps my New Year’s resolution could be to move on—but meaning it this time. That would give me a few weeks to let go properly and commit.
“So what brought this on?” Dan asked as he tugged out a couple of plates while I collected the utensils.
I sat down and started divvying up the food. “It feels like forever since we caught up. Just making sure you’re still here and haven’t done a runner back to Brissy or something.”
He angled to look at me as I spoke, his eyes guarded, though I could have easily been interpreting reactions that weren’t there. “No chance of that,” he said after a beat.
“Good job too. Craig wouldn’t take too much convincing to hold you hostage, perhaps sabotage your ute or something.” I kept my tone light, just as it ought to be, focusing on setting the tone for how our friendship always had been.
His light snort as he picked up a forkful of food eased some of the ache in my chest.
“Craig doesn’t seem to need much convincing about anything.”
“You see what happens when you’re not around? He needs retraining and reining in,” I joked.
His lips twitched before he took a mouthful of food. The hum of appreciation was difficult to ignore, the sound joyous and seductive. I urged the throb in my pants to go away, pleading with it to calm down, reminding myself that friends didn’t get a twinge from friends making happy sounds.
“Thanks for this,” he said after we ate in silence. “I was still contemplating what to cook.”
“No worries.” I offered a casual shrug. “You been busy today?”
“A little. I went round Mum and Dad’s this morning and ran the mower around.”
“They have grass?” My brows jolted skyward, genuinely surprised. Most of town and the neighbouring properties surrounding it were dry. There were still occasional hints of green closer to the drying creeks, but I’d seen several veils of dust created by a couple of houses I’d passed by attempting to mow.
“Yeah, but only because it’s been five weeks since it was last mowed. I can’t imagine it needing cutting again until the rain comes.”
“Craig said you’re all on bushfire watch.” Worry gnawed at me and had done since Craig told me there’d been an alert change. It didn’t help that there’d been a couple of news reports early last week about localised bushfires in north New South Wales. While that was several hours away, any mention of fires on the east coast always had the same effect on me.
“Yeah. I headed to the station earlier just to do a check of equipment.”
I willed the thumping of my heart to settle, knowing I was overreacting. But I was more than aware that Dan hadn’t tackled a fire since re-joining the rural fire brigade. It didn’t matter that he had when he was younger. Lots of years had passed by since then.
“You okay about it all?” When his brows furrowed, I clarified, “If you’re called out. I know it’s been some time.”
The smile he sent my way made my heart flip. I sighed inwardly, frustrated I couldn’t control my feelings. It just made me more determined to ensure outwardly, I was nothing but friendly, with no love-heart eyes in sight. Nor a hard-on that would give me away.
“Yeah. I know it’s been a few years, but not a lot has changed. Those four years I did before I left for Brissy left their mark. And I like to think now I’m not quite as gung-ho.”
