I hesitated a second before remaining still and asking, “What is it you want?” Tiredness washed over me. All I wanted was to be home, with Tanner wrapped around me. Everything about this confrontation had my nerves teetering on the edge.
He lowered his arm, which he’d reached out toward me when I’d made to leave. “I’m doing this all wrong.” A humorless laugh escaped his mouth. “Everything about this is wrong. God, everything I’ve said to you, what I tried to do to you.” Scott shook his head. With a clenched jaw, he stepped forward so he was in reaching distance of me. My gaze dropped to his throat as he swallowed, before jerking back up when he cleared his throat lightly.
“I mean… I was… hell,ama worthless piece of shit. I’m sorry. For everything.”
My eyes shot wide. This was really happening. How? Why? My brain nudged me, tried to shake me into a response, but I couldn’t quite comprehend the weirdness of the moment. “Umm…,” I started, not quite sure how to continue. It wasn’t okay, what he’d done, how he’d behaved, but I was clued up enough to recognize there was something bigger going on.
Thank God, Scott carried on as I was sure my “err” stretched out awkwardly. “You don’t need to say anything. Just know that I’m sorry. I’ll also be leaving soon. I just need to meet with Denver and let him know my plans, and you won’t have to see me again.”
I considered pinching myself, still not convinced I hadn’t stepped into the twilight zone. Instead, I gave voice to my confusion. “But why?” I shook my head.
His humorless laugh was back. He shook his head and pursed his lips before answering. “I’m sure I’m going to get into trouble for even talking to you, but….” He shrugged. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter that you put the complaint in against me. God, I’m surprised it wasn’t put in weeks ago. I deserved it.”
Confusion swam around my struggling brain.Complaint?Frowning, I shook my head. “I—”
“Honestly, it doesn’t matter. I deserved it. I received a warning, but I think it’s just best that I leave. My head’s so fucked-up.” He paused, his face paling. “It doesn’t matter. Just, I’m sorry. What I said to you, how I treated you….” He shook his head again. “Fuck, I’m surprised you haven’t punched me.”
“Listen, Scott.” I looked up at the dusting of clouds littering the sky above, giving myself a moment to get my head together. Finally, I focused on the man before me. He appeared broken, so much more than my initial assessment of sad. Did he deserve to be miserable after everything he’d done? A part of me nodded in righteousness. But the man before me wasn’t the cocksure Scott who’d been a homophobic prick. “I have no idea what’s going on, or who filed the report—” He made to speak, but I shook my head before continuing. “It should have been me. I should have made a complaint the first time you were… inappropriate, but I didn’t.
“I have no idea what’s going on with you, and it’s none of my business, but—”
“I’m gay.”
I was sure at the moment I looked like a caricature of an old Warner Brothers’ cartoon with my eyes springing out of their sockets. It was the last thing I expected to fall out of his mouth.What the fuck!It was a swear-worthy moment.
I clamped my mouth shut and then made to speak, but nothing came to mind. Scott stared at me in abject horror. I had no idea if he’d intended to come out to me or not, but from his wide and glassy eyes, I assumed the latter.
“I….” He shook his head and blanched. “I…. That’s the first time….”
“The first time you said it aloud,” I prompted.
He nodded, his rounded eyes not leaving mine. A flush covered his cheeks before he suddenly paled. “I think I’m going to throw up.”
Crap.I stepped into his space and placed my hand on his back, encouraging him to bend forward. “Breathe.” I inhaled and exhaled exaggerated breaths, encouraging him to do the same. With my palm still on his back, I glanced around, looking for somewhere he could sit. Spotting a crate to the side, I ushered Scott over and maneuvered him to take a seat. He did so in silence.
“You’re going to be okay.” The platitude was already out there, and I grimaced at the emptiness of the words. It was too late to take it back, so I continued, despite the rush of emotion and confusion flooding me. “I know it doesn’t feel that way, but this is a good thing, scary as hell, but good.”
Scott lifted his gaze to mine. Some color had returned to his face. Disbelief played in his eyes, but I also spotted something else, something more. Hope. “It is,” I continued with a little more conviction. “For whatever reason you waited until now, at this juncture in your life, everything will pan out.” My hands gripped his taut arms in support. “Don’t worry about the consequences, about the what-ifs, just focus on breathing. Yeah?”
He nodded. “Okay.”
My lips curled upwards, the first genuine smile I’d offered Scott. His lips lifted, and a small smirk split them.
“Thank you.”
“It’s okay.” And this time my “okay” was true. I hadn’t forgotten or let go of the past few months, but nothing about this moment was about me. Scott must have been crapping himself. I wondered what had happened for him to have waited for so long to come out. I shivered at the thought and closed my eyes. I was so freakin’ blessed.
A scrape of a shoe drew my attention to the entrance of the alley. Tanner.
I grinned. Big. Wide. And true.
His frown lessened immediately, and his gaze flicked to Scott before landing back on me, his brows lifting in question. I threw him a reassuring nod, hoping he understood I was okay. From his small nod back, I assumed he had.
I gave Scott’s arms a comforting squeeze. He glanced up at me, no longer staring at the ground. Then he turned his head in Tanner’s direction. He tensed before looking back at me.
He cleared his throat and indicated with a nod he was wanting to stand. I backed away and stood, watching as Scott seemed to pull himself together, and fully aware Tanner’s eyes penetrated my side.
“Your ride’s here.” Scott broke the growing silence.
