“Shh,” I attempted while laughing. One of these days, Lauren and her smart mouth were going to get fired.
She threw me a conspiratorial wink and grinned. “We’ll be all right. I’ve got your back.”
Admittedly, her words did make me feel better. Considering we hadn’t known each other all that long, she could already read some of my tells and one of those was knowing when I was anxious. I was lucky to have her. Over the years people had failed pretty spectacularly to read me correctly. On face value, I seemed like a guy who had it all together. My six feet was nothing to scoff at. I wasn’t a waif exactly, so most thought I could handle myself, and that along with my education and profession made it all too easy for people to form expectations of my personality, my physical abilities, my overall confidence.
While I was far from a coward, the thought of a fight left me feeling sick to my stomach. And while my height and build would suggest I wasn’t a shrinking violet and was possibly a man’s man—whatever the heck that really meant—I wore my heart on my damn sleeve and was known to break down watchingET. Okay, so literally every single time that one scene between Elliot and ET brought me to my knees and dragged tears from my traitorous tear ducts. But most people didn’t see this, and it meant that far too often I was faced with ignorance. Especially when it came to my sexuality.
At least once a week I “came out,” even in a smaller town like mine. There was never a first, and I couldn’t ever imagine a world when there would be a last time. That being the case, I was sure there was the expectation that if someone wasn’t “okay” or “comfortable” with my sexuality, with me, I was expected to simply suck it up and not let them impact my life.
There were days when I was tired of my false grin. Tired of having to suck it up because of people’s stupidity. And Lauren, she was getting an inkling of the real me. That was kind of reassuring, especially since she was the only person, apart from Tanner, who I’d gotten to know since relocating.
I grinned at Lauren. “Thanks. I’ve got yours too. I can pull a mean wedgie when needed. I’ve even been known to pull out the big guns and curse like a sailor should the occasion demand it.” I threw her a wink at the same time I realized the meeting was finally over.
Her snort-laugh was loud as she all but pushed me out of the room and ushered me toward the exit. As we reached her car, she turned and looked at me, a wicked smirk on her face. “New plan.”
My shoulders sagged with my immediate suspicion. “What?”
“Get that hunk of yours to drop you off on Friday morning and pick you up from the bar.”
That was not a good idea, so immediately I shook my head.
Lauren nodded. “Yes! Didn’t you hear Scott say the credit card was going behind the bar? He droned on for at least five hundred hours about staff morale and bonding.” She snorted. “We’re totally taking advantage as, let’s be honest here, out of the dicks we work with, he’s the biggest, and I’m absolutely not talking about the one between his legs.”
I shook my head at her, both amused and terrified about not only her suggestion but the thought of Scott’s penis. I considered gagging for a moment. “I don’t kn—”
“Yes. Listen, I have no idea what his problem is, but I’ve seen the way he treats you. Nothing so bad as to raise too many brows, but he’s… I don’t know… different. And since we can’t tell him to fuck off without getting fired, we’ll just get drunk by drinking booze he’s paying for.” She stood on her tiptoes and planted a loud kiss on my cheek. “Tell Tanner you’ll call for a lift on Friday from the bar.” Without another word, she jumped in her car and flew out of the parking lot, leaving me walking slowly toward my car and wondering what she was getting me into.
It didn’t take long to get home, have a quick shower, and be sitting around the table with my three favorite people. We were halfway through Mom’s lamb roast when Tanner mentioned a delivery for the patio doors coming in on Friday, and I groaned, remembering what else was happening on that day.
His firm hand landed on my thigh, and he squeezed lightly. When my gaze landed on his, he tilted his head in concern. “What’s that groan for? Something wrong?”
With the release of a deep breath, I placed my hand on his, finding comfort in his touch. “Sort of, well, not really.” His brows lifted at my response. “It’s just Denver definitely isn’t returning, so Scott is stepping into his position permanently, plus he’s buying into the practice, and to top that load of crappiness off, we all have to attend this company morale drinks get-together on Friday afternoon during work hours so there’s no getting out of it.” By the time I’d finished, Tanner was wide-eyed, yet still managed to look a mixture of annoyed and concerned.
He remained quiet at my splurge of information. I had no idea what he was thinking. Mom interrupted the quiet that was beginning to feel uncomfortable. “Oh, that’s a shame about your boss. You like him, right?”
I nodded at her, distracted and feeling increasingly uneasy about Tanner’s nonverbal reaction. “Yeah, he was a good guy and good at his job.”
“That’s a pity. It seems this Scott person who’s taking his place is making a positive effort though, wanting to get employees together.” She paused, which was unlike her, and was enough to drag my attention away from Tanner. Her gaze flicked at Tanner and then me; she was far too observant and was no doubt aware something was going on. “So, what’s the problem with Scott then? He’s not cut out for the role?”
“No, he’s not.” Tanner’s voice was deep and serious. His hand tightened a little on my leg, and my eyes immediately met his. “He’s a little-dick bigot.” He seemed to remember himself and moved his gaze to my parents. “Sorry,” he offered, “but after all the BS he threw at Carter when he first took over, he doesn’t deserve a civil word.”
I clenched my jaw. I knew Tanner was looking out for me, and I loved him more for it, but it must have been clear to him from my mom’s questions that I hadn’t told her anything about Scott and what had happened. I didn’t need my parents worrying about me. Christ, I was a grown man with a mom who too often forgot that. The last thing I wanted was to give her any ammunition.
“It’s fine.” I cut in before he could continue or my mom could start. “There’ve been no dramas for a while now, not since that night.” Despite my annoyance, heat crept up my neck and to my cheeks when I recalled the significance of that night for Tanner and me. It was enough to get his own jaw relaxing a little and a small leer to lift his lips. “It’s fine,” I asserted. I hadn’t yet dared a glance at my parents, but I knew there was no avoiding it.
Mom’s face was tight, and pink colored her cheeks. Yes, my mom could be fierce, especially when it came to protecting me. “Mom,” I attempted. “Honestly, it’s not a big deal.”
With narrowed eyes on me for a few seconds, she then zeroed in on Tanner. “Talk. Tell me exactly what this little-dick bigot did to my baby.” I opened my mouth to intervene, but without looking, she managed to shut me down. “You, zip it.” Her eyes remained firmly on Tanner. “Spill.”
And he did, much to my groans of embarrassment, and my desire to crawl into a hole and wonder how my mom was still able to make me feel this way despite being almost thirty, owning a house, and being a doctor. I couldn’t sit through it all, so I started clearing away the plates while feeling so relieved I hadn’t told Tanner about the daily scowls or the harsh tones. And while at times it felt like I was in a hellish version of high school, which was far too close to how mine had been with the way Scott behaved, I certainly wasn’t. I’d chosen the easy road admittedly, or the hard road, depending on how you looked at it. But choosing to ignore it all meant that I could do my job. It also meant that I tried my hardest to ignore Scott and his hatred. It had been sort of working. Until now.
“So”—my dad’s voice surprised me and made me stop loading the dishwasher. He’d been silent through everything—“what are you doing about it?” I looked across at him and realized his eyes were firmly on me. “I’m confused as to why you’d ever allow someone to treat you this way.” My gut clenched at the disappointment painting his words. “You have people around you who love you, who’ll support you with every decision you make, so what are you going to do?”
Embarrassment pushed me forward. “My decision was to move on and ignore it since nothing else has happened. So…” I paused. “This, right here, is all of you supporting my decision, right?” I was being a butthole, but the disappointment radiating off all three people I cared about had me digging deeper. I raised my brows and looked at the three of them, all looking various stages of frustrated. My eyes finally rested on Tanner. He looked pissed, but then, so was I.
“Right, thought so,” I huffed. “The dishes are done and I’m turning in for the night.” My gaze drifted from Tanner, too mortified not only by the discussion, but my behavior, yet still, with my emotions high, I forged forward, nodded, and left the room.
About thirty minutes later, after hushed voices and scraped chairs, I heard the front door open and then close. I looked at the empty side of my bed and groaned, wanting to smack myself silly for my overreaction. The funny thing about feelings though, was that far too often rational thought had no say.
