He considered a quick jerk—sinceBradhad failed to impress last night before Rusty had shown up—but decided against it. He didn’t have enough time to truly commit, and if there was one thing he disliked worse than an interrupted blowjob, it was a rushed, half-assed orgasm.
It was upon entering his bedroom, one towel wrapped around his head, another secured to his torso, that he checked his phone and found Glyma’s text.
Gem, you’re the man!
“Oh my gods,” Gem said before he squealed in excitement and happy-danced to his dresser. He dug around in his drawer until he found the tank top he wanted and tugged it on. Then he took a selfie and sent it to Glyma.
You’re godsdamned right I’m the man!
She responded a moment later with a laughing emoji and a thumbs-up.
Leaving his flat half an hour later, he was already in a fantastic mood. He was having a great hair day, his curly mullet falling just the way he liked it. He’d had an unexpected and surprisingly enjoyable sleepover with Rusty the night before. And now, he was absolutely the fucking man!
He rode the tram to the train station, then hopped on the train to Purgatory. Practically skipping across the teal sand, Gem entered through the back of the cafe and twirled into the kitchen where Zef, Glyma, and Willow were already busy at work.
“Good morning,” Gem trilled as he propped his ginormous yellow sunglasses atop his head and struck a pose. “I’m the motherfucking man, y’all!”
Glyma immediately burst into laughter, her lavender tail dancing behind her. Her apron was dusted with flour, and more powder was smeared across her cheek, probably from her brushing her lilac hair out of her face while she worked. Amusement danced in her hot pink eyes as she clapped her approval, her nails painted a deep purple color a few shades darker than her skin.
She was, hands down, the most beautiful woman Gem had ever seen. She’d even given him straight panic the first time they’d met.Him!And he was, like, the gayest. It had been the most confusing ninety seconds of his life, but he blamed it on her Succubus aura.
“You look great,” she said with a wink, and Gem preened.
“You know,” Willow said as she kneaded dough, gooey chunks sticking to her rough, dark skin. “He’s going to catch on eventually.”
Gem frowned at the Dryad, and she shrugged her narrow shoulders, her long, ivy-vined hair swaying with the motion. “Actually, I don’t think he will,” he said, “and I’ll happily tell you why.”
“Must you?” Zef asked in their wispy voice, milky compound eyes blinking blandly up at Gem as their wings buzzed.
With a nod, Gem stowed his sunglasses in his purse. “Yes. Firstly, we’ve been doing this for literal years, and he’s never once suspected anything. So if he was going to find out, he would have already. Secondly, I only do it every couple times. If I did it every time, sure, he would probably assume that it was purposeful. But only every, say, third time? That’s easily chalked up to coincidence.”
“Perhaps he already knows and is simply pretending not to,” the Mantodea offered as they piled their white hair into a high ponytail with their top hands as their lower hands continued to work.
“Why would he do that?” Gem asked, and Willow smirked knowingly.
“To not ruin your fun?” she said, and Gem wrinkled his nose.
“Toni goes along with my schemes so as not to ruin my fun. Rusty purposefully rains on my parade at every opportunity. So I’m pretty sure he has no idea.”
“Who has no idea?” Rusty asked, making Gem yelp.
He rounded on the Pyclon who was dressed in his usual baggy black jeans and his black cut off that read,F*ck the Man. “Oh my gods, where did you come from?”
Hooking his thumb over his shoulder, Rusty pointed toward the doors leading to the front counter. “Where do you think I came fr—oh for deities’ sake!” Glaring at Gem’s tank top, that proudly stated,I’m the Man,Rusty bared his canines in a snarl. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”
“Oh em geez, this is getting ridiculous.” Gem made a big show of shock and horror at the uncanny coincidence of their shirts. “Why are you always wearing that shirt when I wear mine?”
“I was wearing mine first!” Rusty turned to Glyma but pointed a black-painted claw at Gem’s chest. “Does he have access to the security cameras or something? This is not normal.”
Glyma tittered. “Of course not, Rusty. Only Quin and I have access.”
“Yeah, and do you really think I’d go to such lengths just to coordinate shirts with you, regardless of how hysterical it is?” Gem asked innocently.
“Yes,” Rusty said flatly. “You most definitely would.”
Gem sucked his teeth. “Okay, I’ll give you that one. I probably would. But as Glyma has clearly stated, I do not have access to the security cameras. So it’s just a happy coincidence. Think of it as the universe’s way of having fun.”
Tail tall and puffed, Rusty released a deep-chested growl before he stalked out of the kitchen. “I hate today.”
