Oliver nodded and kissed him again, and Gem grimaced as their pheromones thickened around him. “You two are cute but gross. I’m gonna go somewhere else now.”
In the kitchen, he found Rusty emptying a grocery bag of food items onto the steel table, and Gem bounded over and kissed the top of his head in greeting. Glancing up at him, Rusty smiled, and it filled Gem’s chest with gooey warmth.
“Hey, you,” he said.
“Hey,” Rusty said, giving Gem’s hand a squeeze before he continued emptying his bag of ingredients.
Glyma, Toni, Jude, and Zef were already cooking away. Something gamey and savory was baking in the oven—Jude called it a turkey—and Toni was cooking gidym root for a mash. As Tad sat on the edge of the table, stealing bites, Zef prepared a breading mixed with vegetables that was going to be stuffed into the turkey’s carcass for some insane reason.
“I don’t want to eat food out of a dead animal’s asshole,” Gem said.
“You eat ass all the time,” Toni snorted.
“Yeah, but not dead ass. Alive ass only. I may have very few deal-breakers when it comes to ass-eating, because it’s one of my favorite activities, but the ass being attached to a live person is one of them,” Gem said, petting Rusty between his ears when the Pyclon frowned up at him. “And by person, I mean you. Because we’re in a committed, monogamous relationship and your ass is the only one I want to eat.”
Both Rusty and Toni groaned at his words, but it was Jude who spoke. “Don’t talk about eating Rusty’s ass in front of Toni or else he’ll start manically baking manicotti again. And we already have way too much. Our freezer is full.” His eyes widened emphatically. “Seriously, we can’t fit anymore in our kitchen, and it has to stop.”
“Don’t stifle me, Jude,” Toni cried. “It’s my process!”
“Manicottiisn’t a euphemism for something, is it?” Rusty asked with a sneer. “Because if it is, I don’t want to know what for.”
“Says the guy whose boyfriend is openly talking about eating his ass,” Jude slapped back, and Rusty’s tail puffed up.
“Not because I want him to!” Rusty said, and Gem gasped dramatically.
“Okay, you loved it; don’t even try and deny it.” Gem turned to the others with a smug grin. “No one had ever done it to him before, and I blew his mind. It was awesome.”
“Gem!” Rusty barked, and Gem cringed.
“Sorry, I know I promised not to tell people about our sex life, but it’s hard because our sex life is amazing. I just want everyone to know we’re both having great orgasms. Like, for real,” Gem insisted as everyone—except Tad—grimaced, “I’m pretty sure we’ve torn a hole in the space-time continuum at least once.”
Tad swung her legs and smiled. “Nice.”
“Keep talking about it, and I’m gonna leave you to deal with that hole alone,” Rusty growled out, and Gem pressed several hands to his chest.
“Don’t you dare threaten me or my hole,” he said, glaring down at the Pyclon. Rusty glared back, and Gem withered first. “Ugh, fine. Forget what I said earlier. Rusty and I never have sex, and even when we do, it’s the worst, apparently.”
Rusty rubbed the space between his eyes. “You could just not talk about it at all.”
“I agree with that sentiment,” Toni interjected.
“As do I,” Zef said.
“But everyone loves my sex stories,” Gem said.
“Do we, though?” Jude asked.
“Speak for yourself,” Tad said.
“Then tell them sex stories that don’t involve me,” Rusty said.
“But all my best ones involve you,” Gem said, and Rusty cocked his head, one ear folding down.
“Really?”
Rubbing several hands over Rusty’s head and shoulders, Gem nodded. “Um, duh. Our sex is so fire; of course, my best stories are nowourbest stories.”
A reluctant smile curled the corners of his mouth. “Oh. Cool.”
