“I’m sorry, Ledger, I’m so sorry.”
He holds me up, my own legs too weak. Clouds gather, and the sky booms with thunder. Rain pelts my numb skin.
“You did everything you could.” His lips brush my forehead. I fear if he lets me go my heart, along with the rest of my body, will crack in two.
I look up to see the devastation on Ledger’s beautiful face as he stares at the lifeless boy. A boy he knew intimately, a boy he watched grow up.
My hands fist his shirt, grief and guilt hitting me like physical blows. His hand bands around my neck, his thumb stroking my pulse point.
Lightning cracks in the distance, filling the darkening sky with a flash of blinding brilliance.
My mind becomes hazy and unable to register much of anything besides Ledger, the smell of copper and pine.
I sit, unblinking, on Apollo, staring at my crimson-stained hands. No memory of how I got here, the only image in my mind of the boy, pale and lifeless. My ears still echo with the sounds of battle, screaming, metal on metal, and tortured moans.
The only thing grounding me, the only reminder I’m not still back there, is Ledger’s arm around me, the steady stroke of his fingers.
When my awareness sparks again,I’m in what I assume is Ledger’s bathroom. I stare unblinking at my bloodied hands, noticing the violent trembling.
“Is she going to be…okay?”
“Just let me get her cleaned up.” I recognize Ledger’s voice.
Archie appears in my line of vision and his hands rest on my knees. “You did good today, Lay.”
My eyes have trouble focusing on his face, and when I don’t respond, he squeezes my knees and kisses my cheek before standing.
“Are you going to be alright? Gods, why was he out there? I just never thought?—”
“Not right now.” Ledger responds andArchie leaves.
I can make out the faint sound of running water but barely feel it as my hands are placed under the flow. The water turns ruddy as gore swirls down the drain.
Ledger scrubs my hands clean, his eyes searching my face in the mirror. He sits me down and brings a cloth to my shoulder. His voice is muted as he says something I don’t comprehend.
He brings up a bottle of alcohol, and the chill of the liquid seeps into my damaged skin and down my arm. I don’t even flinch. Ledger’s eyes search my face, his own brows furrowing, reminding me I should be feeling something.
He continues working. I stare passively at the bite wounds as he dabs and places a clean bandage over them. He pauses, staring at my bandaged shoulder. His hand finds mine, squeezing gently and bringing it to his mouth, brushing my knuckles with his lips.
He leaves the room, and the sudden awareness I am alone makes my pulse accelerate. Horror and hysteria lap at my consciousness as the shock fades. My breath quickens, and my heart squeezes.
Ledger comes back in, carrying one of his clean shirts, and the look I’m wearing must give away my internal panic. He rushes over, kneeling in front of me, his hands coming up to frame my face. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m right here, breathe.” He strokes my cheek with his thumb, showing me more kindness than I deserve.
My eyes swell with tears, and I lean into him. “All I hear are his strangled breaths, Ledger. I can still see the light leave his eyes and his unblinking, lifeless stare. I let him die.” I wail out the confession and my stomach bottoms out. “He was so young; he barely had a chance to live.” The taste of salt on my lips permeates my tongue from the tears I hadn’t known were falling.
“Look at me, Layla.” It is an effort to look into Ledger’s forest-green eyes.
“You did everything you could for him. Nothing that happened was your fault.” His voice holds so much pain.
I know what today cost him, know how familiar he is with the soul-crushing feeling of loss. Whatever I’m feeling, he has to be feeling ten times over.
“You saved the lives of so many, and I can’t begin to repay you for what you gave.” His finger swipes a stray tear from my face. “Tell me how to help you.”
We stare at each other, so desperately needing to feel something before the crushing weight of the day pulls us under.
My eyes slip to his lips, lingering as I take in their fullness. My gaze drags back up his face, only to drop again.
My trembling fingers rise to trace their soft fullness. A bolt of yearning thrums through my body. A look passes his features as he stills.
