Page 12 of The Christmas List
Emotion flickers in her eyes as her throat bobs with a rough swallow. “It… was probably better that way. I didn’t think so at the time, but it would’ve been harder. Holding on to you after you’d already gone.”
The words slice through me, and I hold back a wince. I hate that I hurt her, that I didn’t even attempt to try the long-distance thing. I was so focused on my own goals that I didn’t think about how she’d fit into the bigger picture. I truly thought it would be better to end our relationship since she was still in high school and I was thousands of miles away. But if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have Lucy right now, and out of all the mistakes I made as a kid, she’s not one of them.
Letting Josie go always was though.
“I always thought about what would’ve happened if I didn’t. Leave, I mean,” I say finally after a beat of silence that hums through the air like a charged electric current, “Sometimes I regretted it, but Jos, it gave me my girl.”
Josie blinks, her expression soft and sweet, like the girl I fell in love with all those years ago. “I know, Wyatt. I’m not angry or upset about the past. I understood why you did. You had the opportunity of a lifetime, and you couldn’t pass that up. You had the entire world at your fingertips, and I never blamed you for leaving. It didn’t make it hurt any less or break my heart any less, but I understood. And now…” She trails off, her gaze sliding to Lucy, who’s dancing around in excitement as she places the ornaments on the tree, her pigtails bouncing with each move. “You have the most darling little girl, who clearly has youwrapped around her finger. She’s incredible and has all the best parts of you.”
“I’d like to think so too.” I want to reach for Josie, but I stuff my hands in the pockets of my jeans instead.
“I just… Now that you’re back in Strawberry Hollow, I hope that we can put it behind us and maybe even be friends?”
I don’t immediately respond because I’m tossing the word around in my head, trying to make sense of what it would even really mean for us. Sure… I could be friends with Josie. But it’s not going to stop me from wanting more.
“I want to be friends with you, Josie. But the truth is? I’m not sure if I canonlybe that.”
Her mouth falls open, making the perfect red O, and I bite back a smirk. Before she even has a chance to respond, Lucy calls out, “Daddy! I need your help because even on my tippy-toes, I’m not tall enough!”
Chuckling, I reach out and use my finger to close Josie’s mouth, dipping my head to her ear. “Do with that what you will,honey.”
I use the pet name I know that she used to love so much, and when I pull back, her cheeks are stained pink, her dark red lips still parted as a stuttering breath escapes. Tossing her a wink, I walk over to Lucy and swoop her into my arms, ticking her belly until her giggles fill the air around us.
I know it might be crazy, that I’m pushing too fast or that it might have been the wrong thing to say after we just brought up our past, but I made the mistake of walking away from Josie once, and I’m not sure I’m willing to make the same mistake twice.
5
josie
It’s been two days since Wyatt told me that he wasn’t sure if we couldonlybe friends during our first task of the competition.
Two full days of me trying not to overthink every single word of that conversation and… failing.
Horribly.
How could I not replay what he said when, for so long, it was all I wanted?
There were nights back then, even though we were young and still naive to the real world around us, that I would’ve done anything to have him back. To change the story that had inevitably been written for us.
But now?
I’m an adult who’s had my heart broken, who’s experienced all the hurt that the world has to offer.
I’m not bitter or angry or resentful toward him. I didn’t lie when I told him that I don’t blame him for leaving to go to California or for ending the relationship. I never once held it against him for making that choice for his future. That would’ve been selfish.
But losing Wyatt was a hurt that I’m not sure I could survive again.
The sound of gravel and snow crunching beneath tires pulls me from my thoughts, and I blow out an exhale as I stride over to the front door just as I hear the low rumble of the engine cutting.
I swing the door open, pasting on a bright smile when I see Lucy, full of energy, bounding toward me. Today, her long curls are woven into french braids, the ends fastened with tiny little Santa hats that jingle every time she steps.
“Good morning!” she says cheerfully, holding up a paper bag of donuts. “Daddy and I got these for you.”
I have a sneaking suspicion that if I opened that bag, there would be chocolate donuts with sprinkles on them.
My gaze lifts to Wyatt, who’s wearing a lazy, knowing grin on his handsome face. He winks at me, lifting his shoulder in a shrug.
God, this man. He knows exactly what he’s doing. Of course he’d pick up my favorite donuts, not even questioning that maybe in the last eight years, I picked a new favorite.
