She felt her grandma’s warm hand cover hers and Maddy turned to look at her blue-gray eyes.
“What’s the matter, mia cara? You seem distracted. Is there something bothering you?”
Maddy smiled genuinely at her, wanting to reassure her.
“It’s nothing, nonna.” In the spur of the moment, she decided to stir the conversation somewhere else. “Actually, there’s supposed to be this party on Friday that I’ve been dreading a bit.”
“Oh?” her grandma raised a brow, intrigued. “What kind of party?”
“Well, it’s this post-basketball game party and my friend, Nate, invited me to it. He’s one of the team’s players. And you know how I am with parties. There’s always this pressure on how to dress, how to act and how to interact with others, and I hate interacting with people I don’t know. I feel like I get all awkward and stick out like a sore thumb. The music is too loud, you can barely hear your own voice and I’m always just counting down the minutes till I can go home.”
The truth is, as she’d grown older she’d learned the meaning of staying true to herself. It took courage to put yourself out there because it meant that there was no screen behind which to hide. It was just her and her beliefs, her interests, her strengths and weaknesses, for all to see. But it also meant the difference between a miserable life and one where she got to be proud of herself.
It’s just that being back in the context that started all the second-guessing had brought some insecurities to the surface she’d thought she had put to rest.
Her grandma frowned.
“Alright. Let me ask you this, is your friend Nate going to keep you company during this party?”
“I don’t know... I guess he’ll keep me as much company as he can. But he’s so popular, gran. Everyone will probably clamor around him and I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to hang out with them. He’s not my babysitter. It’s just not my scene, I suppose.”
Her grandma was quiet for a little bit.
After a few seconds, she spoke in a calm voice. “Listen to me, Maddy. First of all, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You can be as you are, dress as you like and anyone who doesn’t like it, can go fuck themselves.”
“Nonna!” Maddy exclaimed half-laughing, half-scandalized.
“Don’t nonna me, that’s the way it goes. You will spend time and hang out with whoever you want, stay for however much you want and leave when it gets too much. But most importantly, have fun. You’re in high-school only once.”
Maddy felt truly blessed to have had this person in her life.
“You’re right, grandma. As always.” They both laughed at that. “I will stop overthinking and do what I’ve always done. My own thing, and to hell with everything else.”
Her nonna smiled fondly at her.
“That’s my nipotina.”
***
When Friday rolled in and Maddy was done with school, all her new-found confidence was ready to flee the building.
She spent the afternoon staring at her wardrobe as if it would reveal the secrets of the universe. Or at least the secrets of party clothing. Opening the door to Narnia would be a much more possible scenario. Maybe she could find some outfit options there.
Yeah, not likely. Still more likely than finding anything suitable here.
Ruffling through her clothes, Maddy eventually settled on a pair of high-waist dark jeans–she refused to go back to the appalling low-waist jeans fiasco of the 2000s, over her dead, cold body–and a cream sweater that she’d always saved for nicer occasions. She would style her long dark brown locks in a half-up, half-down hairdo, apply some light make up, and that would have to be it.
It’s not like she was trying to impress anyone.
Especially, no tall basketball players who read the books she recommended and watched the films she liked.
No, definitely not them.
She was dressing up for herself, in a way that made her feel both cute and comfortable. That was the vibe she was going for, which was probably the only vibe she could actually go for right then.
Nate had texted her telling her he would be picking her up after the game. The party was going to be held at one of his teammate’s house and it was a short distance away but Nate had insisted on taking the car since he didn’t want her ‘to turn into an icicle.’
Maddy snorted. And now she was mocked for being cold. When it was actually cold. It wasn’t her fault he was a fucking furnace. At least that meant she could wear her beige coat that looked great but didn’t really keep out the cold. Shewouldturn into an icicle if she had to walk outside in that.
