Page 73 of A Reign of Embers
Once I’m in my apartment with my daughter in my arms, though, I don’t kneel in supplication. I sink down on my bed as I did the day I told my princes they’d have to leave me, cuddling Coraya close.
Sprite leaps up and tucks her furry body against my thigh. I stroke her back too.
I just need to gather myself so I’m ready to face the coming conversations and jostling of the court. Clear all this chaos from my head, brace my spirits, set the fears and the grief aside.
My breaths glide in and out of my lungs at a slow, even pace, but the ache inside me only expands. How can I say for sure I’m doing any of this right?
What if I never see any of my lovers again? What if my confession doesn’t earn the trust of the royal families but brings down doom not just on me but my daughter too?
A cautious voice carries from by the door. “Aurelia?”
I look up to meet Marc’s gaze. He takes a couple of steps toward the bed and then halts. Concern shimmers in his eyes.
What do I say to him—this man whose place in my life has changed so much, who honored the men he should have hated, who proved he could accept every part of my relationship with them… and despite all of that, who can’t ensure they return any more than I can?
A sob hitches up my throat before I can contain it.Marc’s expression stutters, and then he’s striding the rest of the way to me without waiting for further invitation.
As he sits next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders not so differently from how Bastien hugged me a week ago, I close my eyes against the burn of tears.
When I don’t pull away, Marc tightens his embrace. “They’ll make it back. I’ve seen how determined they are to be here for you. I can’t believe there’s anything they’d let stand in their way.”
They could face obstacles they won’t have a choice about, but it doesn’t do any of us good to dwell on that possibility. And Marc still doesn’t know about the greater risk I took that affects not just my lovers but my own security.
It doesn’t matter. It was the right decision, the only way I could be sure of convincing the conquered royals of my intentions while it can still matter.
Valerisse stole my chance to gradually ease our world into the future I dreamed of.
I drag in another breath. “I know. I can do this on my own. I just… would rather not. And it’s harder to stay focused here when part of me can’t help wondering what’s happening to them.”
Marc brushes a gentle kiss to my temple. “You still handled this morning’s incident well. I know you’ll win the rest of court over even more when you step back out there today. Those two idiots were never going to be satisfied with you.”
He pauses, and his voice gets rougher. “And that’s mostly my fault.”
“And also your father’s and Linus’s,” I have to say. “But I suppose Saldette and Syrus might have hated me for taking away the chance that their daughters could become empress even without the violent trials.”
Marc lets out a strained laugh. “We did drag you into alion’s den, didn’t we? But you keep rising above it. And you’renotalone. I’m not going anywhere, not as long as I can serve you.”
He goes quiet again, his head tipping against mine. I hear him swallow.
Then he says, even lower, “I didn’t get to be the one to say it when the moment was official, but I don’t mean it any less. I swear before all the gods to love and honor you from now until my last breath leaves me.”
My throat constricts. Fresh tears well up, but they’re bittersweet now instead of all grief.
I turn my head instinctively, seeking out his lips.
Marc cups my cheek through the kiss, steady but not demanding. When we draw apart, the gleam in his eyes reminds me of the way he looked at me naked while he added just a tiny portion to the pleasure my lovers were stirring in me.
No, not just lovers. By then, they were my husbands too.
Because of him.
A flicker of heat ripples through my limbs alongside my pulse, but I’m not in a state to pursue it. I can’t offer him the gold ring he gave me to hold on to that night or repeat back the words that clearly mean so much to him either.
We’ve come a long way… but I don’t know how much farther we’d have to go before I can completely give my heart over.
With his next comment, Marc reminds me of just how far apart we still are in certain ways. “And whatever you said in those letters, I doubt there was anything more you could have done to persuade the outer territories to fulfill their duty to defend the empire.”
I have to bite back an ironic laugh. I’ve kept the details of those plans secret even from him because it’s hard to imagine he’d approve of me offering those kingdoms their freedomfrom the empire—and confirmation of my past crimes to hang me with if I fail to deliver.
