Page 110 of A Reign of Embers
The shriveling impulse comes back. I stifle it.
I may not be emperor to the people of this palace any longer, but I know who I was. I know what responsibilities I shouldered. I haven’t tossed them aside.
“Marc.” Her voice is so gentle it spears right through the center of my chest. “Iamdoing what I think is best for Dariu. For all of us. This isn’t what I pictured to begin with. I thought I could transform the empire into something that allowed all the kingdoms within it to flourish. But in our tour across the continent, I saw so much… It became clear that the systems that stifle the outer territories are too deeply entrenched. And they harm the people of Dariu too. We’ll be stronger as an ally rather than as the tyrannical force we are now.”
“The people of Dariu are never going to accept this!”
“They will. If the other kingdoms come to our aid in our time of greatest need and I frame the drawing back of our authority as a reward, they will. I’ll ensure it comes with benefits for everyone that are more concrete than the impression of superiority.”
Too many thoughts clash in my head. My father’s lectures on just how superior weare. The dissidents who’ve slaughtered our soldiers and spat in our faces. The false smiles the other royals offer me.
Aurelia moving among them, turning those expressionsinto something warmer. Earning cheers from the crowds both here in Dariu and abroad.
What if she’s wrong? How will we ever recover?
What if she’sright?
That last question brings a tinge of bitter bile into the back of my mouth. “This is the way it’s been for centuries. We won the right to rule fairly. My ancestors proved we were the strongest, that we could rally in the face of the Great Retribution.”
“Yes.” Her agreement somehow stings as much as her arguments. “But thatwascenturies ago. Everyone has rebuilt. Half of the continent proved they could shrug off your family’s control a hundred years ago, and they seem no worse off for it. What did you, or your father, or your grandparents, or your great-grandparents do other than maintain a system put in place ages ago?”
“If there isn’t any need for change?—”
“How can you say there isn’t?” she asks. “Look how easily Linus terrorized every other kingdom around us. My whole life, I’ve watched Darium soldiers do the same on a lesser scale throughout Accasy. Most of the people of this empire live in fear, not prosperity. They aren’t giving Dariu their best, only what it takes to most easily survive.”
The conversation I overheard between the nobles weeks ago comes back to me. I have to restrain a flinch.
It isn’t just the outer territories where people live in fear. I hated the thought of ruling that way.
Still, to throw everything we’ve built away…
My lips part, but I don’t know what I can say that won’t make this situation worse.
I don’t even know what outcome I want.
Just looking at Aurelia, at her lovely face with its kind eyes and the slight furrow of concern that’s formed in her brow, twists me up even more.
The words tumble out. “I need—I need space to think this through.”
I need to get away from the woman who’s consumed so much of my being that I can’t pick apart what’s really me anymore.
I brace for her to insist that I stay under her watch, for the tables to turn so she’s more guard than I am. But apparently she trusts me more than I’ve assumed.
Or else she believes there’s no real damage I could do to her cause regardless.
She nods, with a smile I can only call sad. “Of course. You’ve devoted an awful lot of your time to me these past few months. Take what you need for yourself.”
The compassion in her response only sets me more on edge. I dip my head in return and stride out of the room.
The guards stationed outside blink at me.
“I’m feeling a little under the weather,” I say hastily. “It’s better for the empress if I sleep in the dormitory rather than nearby.”
They accept my explanation without question. It was more odd that I spent so many nights watching over her from within her room than that she go without.
And she won’t be without. No doubt Bastien or Lorenzo—or both of them—will be joining her soon enough.
I can’t even be mad about that. I gave them the highest permission there is to stay by her side.
