Herrick tried to ignore the words meant to spark loathing, but found he was already thinking the same hateful thing.
They had turned around, heading back north toward an Elven city that he had only heard stories of. But the idea of sailing to the last Elven city in Ahland was not the most unbelievable part of this day. It wasn't even that Maude was alive when Herrick had watched the life leave her body.
It was that Maude would stop him from killing his torturer. He had not gotten the chance to tell her who he was and why he deserved to die, but he thought she knew him well enough to see the absolute need he had to finish that fight.
For hours, he tried to figure out any possible reason for why Maude would stop him, but he came up empty. Pacing around the small space, he ignored every person who came down to check on him. He'd bound up his bloody knuckles but had left the glass on the floor, the crunch of it under his restless boots becoming broken music to his cascading raging thoughts.
Only when the sun had set over the horizon and plunged them all in darkness did Maude finally seek him out. The room was bathed in moonlight, the only source of light in the small cabin until she entered with a thick pillar candle that dancedwith her golden flames. He ignored the flickering light as she burst through the door without knocking.
"Listen, beast, we need to—" Maude cut herself off as she looked around the room and found Herrick surrounded by crushed, bloody glass. "What in Odin's name happened here?"
Her fingers twitched around the handle of her dagger, her moss eyes flicking around the room to search for a threat that was not there. She would have to look no further than Herrick sitting on the bed, deflated in the wake of his outburst of rage.
Neither of them spoke but the longer they stewed, the more his anger swelled inside of him.
"Do you have any idea what you did when you protected that bastard?" he asked her, his eyes downcast as he ignored her question. He was afraid that if he looked at her, his anger would dissolve and he would never get her to understand why he felt so acutely about this.
"I can't explain it," she said softly, taking a few steps toward him. "I couldn't let him die. There is more to him than I think we know right now. The fates pushed me to protect him, it was all so instinctive."
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Shaking his head slowly as if trying to make her words fit in his mind, Herrick looked up at Maude before he spoke again. He tried to swallow the shaking in his words, to hide the anger in them.
"No," he bit out angrily. "You don't just get to pick and choose when you follow the Norns and their plans. You don't get to spend a decade running from your fate just to follow it now and use it as an excuse for protecting that vile excuse of a human."
Herrick watched Maude's features started to harden the more he spoke. She did this when she knew he was right but couldn't admit it. Now would normally be when he would crack a joke and say that she was only angry because he was right. But he was too furious to be anything but consumed by the outrage of her betrayal so hekept spewing his anger at her.
"You saw what they did to me in those dungeons, Maude. You've seen the burns but do you actually understand what it was like? You weredeadand my family was scattered. I had nothing but my strength to hold on to and the memories of you— of us together— keeping me from falling apart."
She flinched at his words but he kept going, unable to stop now.
"And when you freed me, I swore to him that I would be the last thing he saw before death."
Maude stepped forward now, her legs between his knees as her hands moved to rest on either side of his face. He closed his eyes as her fingers wound through his hair and stroked the planes of his face, her short nails scratching against the growth there in a pleasant way.
"You of all people on this ship— in this world— know my word is all I really have. And today, you took that from me," he continued, smothering his love for this woman even as she clawed her way back into his heart.
Unbidden, his hands roamed up her thighs and over the swells of her hips until they rested on either side of her waist. He leaned forward now, his forehead resting against her soft stomach as he tried to hide the burning that had taken up in his throat. His mind might have been angry with her, but his body was searching for solace in hers. Herrick had never been at war with himself like this before.
"I need to understand why," he finished roughly, his throat closing around the nickname he had for her like he couldn't stand to get any closer to her until she answered. "I need to know why you didn't chose me today."
Beneath his touch, Herrick could feel Maude tremble as she tried to breathe evenly. They were coming up on a precipice where their relationship— their trust— would swing one way or the other.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice cracking as her hands tightened around him and her body curled around him. "I wish I could explain better than I have, I don't know how to do this."
He could feel the shield he used to protect his loved ones start to wither away when he'd realized that Maude had chosen to protect Baldr instead of him. Only, once the barrier was gone, he realized that the shield he'd created was not one ofstrength or love, but one made entirely of himself. And now he hung in ribbons as the final blows shattered everything he was until there was nothing left of the honor bound and justice driven man he had made himself to be.
Herrick could not look at her. He knew himself too well to know that he would look at her stunning face and be lost in her, as he had been from the first day he knew her. His anger was still so close to the surface and Herrick wanted to burn in it for a while longer. He told himself that he didn't care what she had to say.
"I can't keep getting lost in you," Herrick said through his teeth as he pulled away from her and stood hastily. "And after today, after what just happened with Baldr, I'm not so sure I even want to."
Herrick tried to remain stone-faced as he watched the rejection wash over Maude's face at his words. She ran a hand over her chest where her heart was almost like she was checking to make sure there wasn't a blade sticking out of her skin. As quickly as the hurt crossed her face, Herrick watched her shut down.
"My apologies," Maude said shortly, the familiar bitterness that leaked into her words reminiscent of when they had first met. "I didn't realize my presence caused you such discomfort. I'll go."
She brushed past him, careful to avoid making contact with his skin, but she wasn't fast enough. He wrapped a hand around her bicep, stopping her in her tracks. Rather than allow herself to fall back into his grasp, she fought against his grip. Whirling her around to face him, Maude stopped struggling when she saw how close he stood to her.
He released her, but pressed his body in around her until she had to take a step back. He couldn't help but be this close to her and he damned himself for it.
"Don't be a brat," he growled. "I have every reason to be frustrated with you. All you've done is lie to me since we met and I think I'm only just now starting to see it."
