Strained silence stretched between them, distance growing with every moment they remained quiet.
“You’re angry,” Herrick finally said, his voice quiet as he observed his brother. “Angry with Maude for who she is, angry with me for getting captured. But you’re also angry with yourself, why?”
“I don't want to talk about this,” Hakon said, pushing off from the desk and heading for the door. “Get some rest. We have a long journey ahead of us.”
With that, his brother left and closed the door roughly.
Herrick deflated, the food in his stomach turning to lead. The walls of the small cabin began to creep in on him the longer he sat in silence, so he turned to open the windows again before washing up with the small basin of water that Hakon had brought with him.
Once Herrick had scrubbed the last of the dirt and memories of his cell from his skin, he settled on the small bed next to Maude. He had sifted through the trunk of clothes and found some of Hakon’s trousers to put on, opting to throw his clothes out the window into the roiling sea. He watched as the water swallowed up the proof of his imprisonment.
Absently, Herrick ran a hand over his chest where the worst of Baldr’s burn marks scorched his skin. The ink was ruined in some places, the skin unable to repair itself because of the iron around his neck, but Herrick knew he wouldn’t fix them. They would remain a constant reminder of what he’d suffered.
To protect his family and his kingdom, to protect the innocents in Logi, he would do it again.
His chest tightened painfully, the air in his lungs leaving him too quickly.
Before he could spiral further, Herrick lay down next to Maude. Wrapping one arm around her waist, he pulled her back to his front and held on tightly like she might slip away in his sleep and he would wake up to remember that she was dead.He buried his face into her clean hair, the red tint bright in the afternoon sun as he focused on the heavy smoked cedar and jasmine that wrapped around him. In her sleep, Maude nestled closer to him and breathed deeply before settling again.
Eyes closed, Herrick allowed himself to drift into the first deep sleep he’d had since Maude had left him in Dagsbrun. He told himself that he didn’t care what had happened before; she was here with him now, and things finally felt right.He lied to himself.
11
Hakon leaned his elbows over the stern of the ship, his eyes tracing the intricate threads of sea foam in the wake that was being pushed out from under them. The water in his blood, thegalderthat coursed through him, thrummed to life the longer he watched until the only thing he could hear was the crashing of the ocean.
The sun was nearly touching the horizon, the long day finally coming to an end and bringing knee-shaking relief as he realized they had been successful. Herrick was freed, asleep below deck with Maude in his arms. He had just checked in on them, his brother's words pounding in his head relentlessly these last few hours since he had stormed out of the confined space. They had not landed easy on his soul.
You're angry.
Herrick didn't understand the half of it.
He felt like a live wire, always ready to snap at any provocation. The alcohol had become a balm to his furious temper, the only way to soothe that raging tides in his soul. He couldn't allow himself to be close to anyone again, he'd realized in his drunken stupor these last few weeks. Losing Eydis had carved out an essential part of his soul that he couldn't access anymore. He wasn't sure he would even want to if he had the chance to retrieve it. When she had died, she had taken everything good about him with her.
There had been a moment in Dagsbrun when they had all sat at a table, their collective grief knitting together a bond that he had felt deep in his bones, where Hakon had felt the most at ease. Despite his grief, Hakon thought that he would be okay with his friends and his brother at his side. He had seen a better future laid outbefore him. Then, Maude left them behind and permanently shattered that illusion. Her abandonment showed him just how fleeting their lives were. Hakon couldn't depend on anyone else to bring him comfort.
Herrick may have been the one in love with Maude and may have felt her absence more keenly than the rest of them, but that hadn't stopped Hakon from feeling the poisonous sting of her betrayal. He thought they had been friends, had thought she felt the same rightness he had felt in that tavern. Liv had been hurt by Maude's actions as well, even if she had forgiven her for it already.
The haziness of alcohol clouded the memory before Hakon could grip it again, and he was left only with the residual hurt from those early days.
Yes, he was angry with Maude. Yes, he was angry with Herrick for stupidly sacrificing himself.
But those emotions paled in comparison to the disappointment he felt in himself for pushing them all away even as they tried to amend for their mistakes. Hakon had already forgiven them— he just couldn't forgive himself.
He had fallen into a toxic spiral of hatred and self loathing, not allowing himself to feel the love and support his friends were trying to give him. He was unable to allow himself close to them again.
He could not visit Gunnar if he was still going to die. He could not let Maude back in if she was going to change her mind and leave them again. He could not accept Liv's truth in the face of all her lies even as he knew she only lied to protect her people. But mostly, he couldn't let himself feel anything else because his anger was the only thing fending off the grief.
As the horizon swallowed up the sun, the orange and red beams painted the sky with a gorgeous blur of color. Before, Hakon would have taken a moment to appreciate the view of the sunset from the water they sailed on.
Now, he could only continue to stare into the depths of the dark ocean and wonder if his soul now matched the inky darkness that expanded before him. He wondered what it meant that he felt his disappearing into the abyss would be the greatest gift he could give hisfriends.
Maude became aware of a few things when she finally roused enough to realize she had not burnt herself out to the brink of death. She was wrapped in a tight embrace, the hold familiar and comfortable, while her legs were tangled up between theirs. It was soft where she lay, the gentle rocking making her feel weightless, telling her she was back on the longship.
Her eyes flew open as she remembered the last thing she did before darkness swelled. She had created an opening in the ground separating her friends from the oncoming Flame Soldiers and used earthgalderto do it, something she had never done before.
As her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the cabin below the deck of the longboat, Maude realized her cheek was resting on the bare skin of someone’s chest, her head rising and falling in a steady cadence. Her hand rested a few inches from her nose, her light-bronze skin mingling in the shadows against Herrick’s familiar golden pigment.
He was on his back, and Maude was cradled up against his chest, his arm wrapped around her waist, gripping her hip tightly as if she might disappear. She relaxed for a moment, closing her eyes and taking the time to enjoy this moment of quiet calm between the two of them. They were headed back to Nida, and Maude knew she would need to tell Herrick everything he had missed, including why she wasn’t actually dead like he thought she was.
