"Why are you going after him?" Hakon asked quietly.
Maude paused for a moment. She knew what he was asking.
Why was she going after Herrick when she had left them all behind in Dagsbrun? The tension between them grew the longer she took to answer. She suspected that her answer would mean a great deal to Hakon.
"Why do you think I am?"
"Guilt," he responded quickly.
"That's not the whole truth," Maude responded, her voice tight."You know that."
Hakon didn't respond, so Maude continued, "I understand why you are so suspicious of me. After everything that Helvig revealed, after everything he said aboutme…"
The rolling waves trickled around them, the occasional splash misting salt water onto her face.
"We were friends, I think," she said quietly. "And now you feel as though you can't trust me. I wouldn't trust me either. But Hakon, as selfish as I was for leaving you all in Dagsbrun, I never lied to you. I didn't tell you who I was because that wasn't me anymore, but that doesn't mean I should've hidden it, either. Everything Helvig said about training me to retrieve the dagger for him was just as much a shock to me. I was a weapon, born and raised for my father to wield. I am the monster that he created. But I never wanted to be that monster to you or Herrick."
The silence grew between them, but Maude knew Hakon had heard everything she said because he was still rigid on the bench they shared. Maude finally opened her eyes to find that night had fallen, the stars twinkling brightly above her around the nearly new moon. They were running out of time to save Herrick, and the thought made her throat swell shut with panic.
Just when Maude was about to give up on Hakon responding, he spoke.
"You never answered the question."
Sighing, Maude only offered him the truth. "You know why."
She sat up, swinging her legs over until her boots softly thudded on the deck. She faced the stern of the ship where one of the Elven— Yuri was his name— steered the boat through the night toward Logi. Hakon shifted beside her until he faced the opposite direction, his profile in her periphery. His caramel hair was wind-tousled, the ends curling slightly in the moist air.
"I don't forgive you," he finally said, but Maude heard what he hadn't tacked on at the end.
Yet.
Maude gave him a sly smile, "I don't remember asking for forgiveness."
A chuckle escaped from Hakon, the sound surprising and sharp. Maude placed a tentative hand on his shoulder.
"We'll get him back," she said, her voice offering none of the panic she felt. "Sigurd will help us, and we'll get him out of Helvig's hands."
Hakon stiffened at her touch and rose, shaking her hand off his shoulder before walking away from her. One conversation wasn't going to fix their friendship— she knew that— but she had hoped. Perhaps they could never be friends again.
It had only been a few weeks since they had all been in Ljosa, laughing around a fire while exchanging insults, and yet it couldn't be further away from where they were now. Maude had finally become part of something she didn't understand: a family, one that loved and joked just as much as they argued and fought with each other. She had friends— Liv, who had matched her ferocity in training and devotion while also being her reality check; Gunnar, who had been kind and supportive when she wanted to withdraw into herself; Eydis, who had been her first friend amongst strangers when she encouraged her to be brave in the face of love.
Sharp, acidic pain tore through her chest as she thought of the fair haired woman who had radiated kindness and love while her sly humor tore down Maude's walls with ease. A hole in her very being radiated that sorrow and she wasn't sure it would ever heal. Eydis was innocent in this fight, following them had been borne from a desperation to protect her brothers she'd left in Engate. It was enough to send Maude into a grief filled spiral she would happily drown in. But she had to focus on Herrick, on freeing him.
She shook off what Hakon's rejection did to her and stood before walking past Liv and Bryn's sleeping forms toward Yuri. The Elven inclined his head as she passed him. She ignored the gesture. She was not Elven royalty, even if her birth father was the Shadow King and she could haphazardly wield shadows. She would need to deal with these discoveries eventually, but until Herrick was safely within her reach, Maude would think of nothing else.
She stared back toward the north, the pull in her gut telling her that she was heading in the right direction. For most of her life, Maude had run from that gut feeling. When she felt it for Herrick, she ran. Now, she followed it into the desert as she headed to rescue the only man who had made her feel alive.
He was her fate, and it was time for her to findout why.
Hakon ran a frustrated hand through his hair.
The gods damned woman had managed to make him laugh; something he thought would be impossible after Eydis.
She had left him with a promise to save his brother and the unsettling feeling of trust in her words. She had lied to them about who she was, but even he could not deny that Maude had been surprised that day in Logi. And then he had watched as she threw herself in front of a blade for her sister. Reluctant respect had flooded him for the sacrifice she had made, and that drove Hakon further into his hatred because it was the exact thing he should have done for Herrick.
And when the time had come, he had carried Gunnar over the wall and allowed his brother to go willingly into the hands of their enemies. Hakon had watched helplessly as Herrick fought off the Flame Soldiers on their trail, all so they would have a chance to get Gunnar some help. And Herrick had done that with grief heavy in his heart after Maude had died in his arms.
Hakon still couldn't quite wrap his head around the moment they arrived in Nida when the Shadow King brought them to Maude's sleeping form. They had all watched her die, with Herrick screaming over her dead body in a way that he knew would haunt him for the rest of his days. And still, all Hakon could feel was outrage for the woman. She had caused so much chaos and strife in their lives since she entered it, and now she was free while Herrick was in a cell somewhere below the palace in Logi.
