"I like this one," she responded, her voice lilting as she teased him.
It was so easy to fall into old patterns with him sometimes. She thought about what her father had said about knowing if her attraction to him was the real thing or just a twist of fate.
You'll know what you choose.
That may be the case for her, but she had no idea what Herrick was thinking. Their fates may be entwined, but what she felt for him was as real as the blood that flowed in her veins or the sun that shone on them every morning. At one time, she was sure he had felt the same. But with everything that had been uncovered?
Did he feel that same pull between them that had suspiciously started to feel like ahjartparanbond? There was no way to know unless she asked him which of course couldn't happen when they couldn't speak to each other without arguing. Every childish argument, every time she pulled away from him because he inspired thatsame heat she was feeling now, felt ridiculous now in the grand scheme of what they faced. Maybe it was time to clear things up between them for good.
Quiet descended again as Maude scrambled to find the right words to bridge them back together. Unable to find anything witty or grating, she settled on finding out where his head had been recently.
"You've been pulling away from me," she said quietly, the vulnerability she had been trying to hide finding its way out of her tight hold. "Ever since Dagsbrun, you've gotten further and further from me."
"With good reason, don't you think?" he asked before clenching his jaw shut, like he had to force himself not to say more.
She didn't respond, only waited for him to decide if he was ready to be open with her yet. Evidently, he felt the same sense of clarity she had.
"During my imprisonment, the only thing I had to hold on to was the memory of you," Herrick began slowly. "You had died in my arms, and I had hoped for a quick reunion when Helvig's soldiers captured me. I had wanted a swift death because living in a world where you were dead was not a world I wanted to live in."
She winced, her arms tightening around her knee as if she were trying to hold herself together physically.
"Then, you rescued me, and all I felt was relief," he continued, golden eyes glazed over as he spoke. "But the relief lasted only a handful of moments before the rest came barreling toward me. You left me in Dagsbrun, and then you left me again in Logi. I was angry that you had let yourself die, had willingly thrown your life away with no regard for who you would be leaving behind."
Maude's head swam either from the heat or from his words, she wasn't really sure.
"But—"
"I know," Herrick said over her interruption. "You did it for your sister. I knew that and still couldn't stop feeling angry about the rest of it. Then, all the secrets kept piling up, forcing this divide between us put there by our own stubbornness.Of courseI felt like I couldn't trust you."
She tried not to let his choice of past tense phrasing ignite hope in her chest, but it swelled there anyway.
"Your words about how I blindly followed my fate started to settle deeper, disrupting everything I thought I knew. Since you came into my life, I have had no peace in my beliefs. You challenged me at every gods damned turn— you still do— and it drives me insane," he grit out.
He was speaking faster now, his words slipping from his tongue like the waterfalls over the Icewall Mountains.
"Everything I thought I believed in is now being questioned, including the way I decided to live my life. Through duty and honor, I uphold justice for everyone, no matter who they are. Do you know how ridiculous that all seems now? Do you know how infuriated I am that you have been right all along?"
The trickling of water splashing against a moving surface surrounded her as Herrick moved to stand in front of her. With her eyes downcast, she could see the waterline hugging low on his hips right where the muscles of his abdomen disappeared beneath the dark waters in a V shape.
With rough hands, he wove his fingers through her hair and tilted her head back so she could look him in the eye. She let him.
"Then, when I finally think I can get past all the secrets, I found out that your true father is Elven and the King of Gods Damned Shadows. Another thing you hid from me like I didn't deserve to know that about you. I bared myself to you countless times, and I am met with nothing but resistance when it's your turn to be honest."
Now, Maude boiled. The water around them started to bubble as her rage took form in heat and water.
"You think you deserve to know my every thought? That you are entitled to them?" Maude asked between clenched teeth as she stood so she could stand eye to eye with him. "I was going to tell you, but how do you expect me to tell you something I had not even accepted myself yet?"
Herrick did not let go of his hold on her face but rather leaned closer until their noses almost touched.
"I deserve your trust," he whispered. "And until you give it to me, you will not have mine."
Despite his words, Maude shivered at his tone. Heat different from the anger in her blood bloomed in her lower belly as his breath skated across her skin.
"You think I left you in Dagsbrun because I didn't trust you?" she whispered, her hands bracing themselves on Herrick's abdomen as her emotions threatened to overwhelm her. "You think I didn't want you at my side when I faced Helvig? I left because I was trying to protect you from exactly what ended up happening. That outcome was unacceptable, Herrick. It kills me every day to see the evidence of what he has done to you."
She grasped the iron around his throat as she finished speaking, the surge of ice that the metal shoved at her almost making her lose her grip.
"He cut you off at the knees and there isnothingI can do to fix it," she growled as she released the iron.
