I run for miles, trying to clear my head. The more I think about it, the more I realize that Ash was right. I did ignore Ed’s pleas to go out to a bar or club, or do something fun while we were in the city. He’s eighteen and probably bored of all the museums and tram rides. Maybe the issue was bringing him along in the first place, but I just wanted to spend time with them both.
How did they sneak around? Did they meet up at the club?
It’s not that I don’t want them to have fun, I’m just hurt they didn’t tell me. Especially on my birthday. Even if I didn’t go, I would have liked to know about it. What if something had happened and I didn’t know where they were? How could they not tell me?
I get back to the house with the full intention of sharing my thoughts with them and also apologizing, but they’re not there.
“Mom, where are Ash and Ed?” I ask after looking around the house for them.
“They went out,” she says from her spot on the couch where she’s knitting something.
“What?” I ask, dread pooling in my stomach.
They left without telling me?
Of course they did, I acted like an overprotective lunatic.
I take a seat on the edge of the couch, running a shaky hand through my hair. Fuck, I messed this up, and now I don’t even know where they are.
“Eli,hani, what’s wrong?”
“They didn’t tell me they were going. I don’t know where they are, Mom, I’m sorry. I was trying to look out for Ed but?—”
“Eli, calm down. They went to Mikko’s sailboat party. Ed said you didn’t want to go and that you went out for a run instead.” She frowns.
“How do you know where they are?”
She laughs. “Because just like you, Edvin tells me everything. Did you think he snuck out and kept secrets?”
“He’s just a kid,” I say weakly.
“He’s eighteen and just graduated high school. You know, he’s moving out in the fall.”
“What??” I ask, appalled.
“Eli, seriously, what’s up with you? Your brother is grown up.”
“Since when? Did I really miss it all?” I ask, tears I didn’t expect falling down my face.
Mom pulls me down fully on the couch and hugs me tight. “Eli, baby, I’m so sorry you feel like that. But you have your own life and career to worry about, of course you’re bound to miss some things. The age gap between you two is pretty big, I’m sureit feels like you’re two completely different people, but you’re not. He’s so much like you: strong, smart, determined, talented.”
“I—” my sobs stop me from speaking and I relent, just crying in my mom’s arms as she soothes me. Fuck, I missed so much back here.
“Your brother is fine, you don’t have to worry about him. You know, he told me you didn’t want to go out with him to the club. He’s worried all you do is work.”
“What? You know about the club too?” I ask dumbly.
“Of course. Ed said he really wanted to go, but not alone, so he took Ash with him. Why didn’t you want to go?”
“I don’t like the crowds or the noise. I didn’t think either of them needed to be around drinking and who knows what else. Ash doesn’t exactly have a great track record with alcohol. He gets—I don’t know—depressed, I guess, when he drinks a lot.”
She eyes me curiously. “You worry about him?”
“I worry aboutbothof them,” I say, swallowing hard.
“But you worry about Ash more,” she says softly. It’s not a question, but a statement, and as I look at her, I think that Ineedto tell her. She would understand.
I’ll tell her. Soon.
