Page 5 of The Marriage Policy
“I think I broke you,” Ana says, making me realize I’ve been spacing out and didn’t respond. I have a habit of being easily distracted.
“I…like you too…?” I say, and what the fuck? Why did I make it sound like a question? “I mean, I like you too!” I amend, which earns me a laugh from Ana. Thank God she’s not taking this personally. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m usually better at this.” But then, I’m usually only thinking about spending a night or two with someone and not whatever this is with Ana.
“It’s okay. I get what you mean because I feel the same.”
I frown, not really liking how this feels from the other side.
“Not like that.” Ana reaches over the table and places her hand on mine. “I know Hayes and Donovan were trying to play matchmaker. I don’t think they hit on the romance front, but I really do like you a lot. I have fun with you, and I’d love to keep spending time with you as a friend.”
A relieved breath whooshes from my lungs. “Oh, thank God. Me too. We have a lot of fun when we hang out, it’s just…for some reason, I don’t think I’m built for dating.”
She cocks a brow. “Oh yeah? I think you would be when you find the right person.”
“That’s the thing—there never has been a right person.”
“I think they’re closer than you think.”
I shrug because she’s wrong. I have no prospects but her, and we just talked about how we don’t see each other that way.
“Want to know a secret?” Ana pops a fry into her mouth. “It’s one I’ve never shared with anyone.”
“Clearly. And just so you know, I’m the world’s best secret keeper.” I grin.
“I don’t doubt it. But anyway, mine is…well, I’m in love with my best friend, who also happens to be my ex.”
I wince. “Ouch. That can’t be fun. What came first? The relationship or the friendship?”
“We weren’t friends our whole lives like you and Donovan. We met at this art festival. We’re both really into stuff like that, and we just…clicked.”
“That’s how it was with me and Donovan. The first time we met, we just clicked. Granted, we were eight.”
“Justin and I, we started hanging out as friends and got really close…then we started dating…I fell in love with him, and then we broke up. I miss him and want him back. I never told him how I feel—the love part, I mean.”
Why is she telling me this? Maybe so I don’t take it personally that she isn’t into me? She wants me to know she can’t because she’s into someone else. “I’m sorry. Wanna use me to make him jealous?” I pump my eyebrows. “We can fake a relationship.”
“Eh, thanks for the offer, but I don’t think it would work. I just…sometimes the person we’re looking for is closer than we think.”
“Right? I can see that. If I were queer, Donovan would be my perfect partner.”
“If only.” Ana smirks, before changing the subject. We hang out for a while longer, and when the check comes, she says, “We should split it.”
That would be good for my finances—I’ve been trying to save money because my rent is going up—but I would also feel like a total asshole doing that. I brought her out for dinner. I asked her on a date, even though we’ve decided we’re better as friends. “How about I get it this time and you get it next time?” I offer, which is also a perfect way to make sure she knows I really do still want to hang out with her.
“Awesome. That sounds great.”
CHAPTER TWO
Donovan
Itake myfiber, PrEP, then do my morning stretches. It’s early, but I’m used to it because of my work hours.
Despite the fact that I’ve never been into sports and I can’t say I love exercising, it is something I try to do now—the exercising, not the sports. Now that I’m in remission and have been for years, I try to take care of my body that way. I hit a growth spurt right out of high school and finally have some meat on my bones now. I’m not Mister Muscles or anything, but I’m proud of the progress I’ve made.
When I was dating Malcolm—my one and only ex who also happened to land me in the Jilted Exes’ Club—he used to make snide comments about my morning stretches, telling me how they didn’t actually do anything and making me feel silly about them. I look back at it now and wonder how I ever let myself get wrapped up in him, how I missed the signs that he’s an asshole who treated me like shit and made me feel bad about myself.
I wish I’d listened to Eric about him, but in the beginning, he played the part more, made me feel special and wanted when no one other than Eric had ever made me feel that way.
I shove Malcolm out of my head, finish my stretches, then head for the shower. Once I’m in my scrubs, I grab one of the breakfasts Eric helped me prep and pop it in the microwave.
