Page 3 of The Marriage Policy
“So, Crystal told me Misty has a crush on me. I told her I like Misty too. We’re gonna start hanging out. I don’t really know what that means, but I’m assuming it’ll be fun.”
A pang of longing hits me in the chest. Not for Eric, because I really don’t see him like that. That’s all I need, to fall in love with my straight best friend. That would be one more thing to make my life miserable. But I do wantthat—for Eric to be able to come to me and tell me a boy likes me, and for me to say I like him too, and that easily, we’rehanging out. He’s going to have a hundred of these experiences before I even have one.
“What do you think of Crystal?” Eric asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Huh?” Why the hell does he want to know that?
“Crystal? Do you like her?” His blue eyes penetrate me.
“I’ve probably spoken two words to her my whole life, and if she’s spoken any to me, it’s likely,hey, aren’t you that nerdy guy who’s friends with Eric Markham?”
He shakes his head. “You’re not a nerd.”
He’s the only one who doesn’t think so, but I don’t tell him that. “Why do you ask?” Though I have a feeling I know.
“Because I was thinking maybe you and Crystal could get to know each other too. Then all four of us could hang out. It’s about time we got our first girlfriends.”
The ache in my chest grows. This is going to be another way Eric and I are different, anothersomethingthat could pull us apart. One day, the differences might be too many and I’ll lose him.
But like earlier, with my pain, I’m sotired. Tired of holding it in, tired of keeping this secret, so without looking at him, I say, “I’ll never like Crystal.”
I feel Eric’s frown. “How do you know? She’s really nice. She’s—”
“A girl,” I cut him off. “I’ll never like her because she’s a girl.”
The room is silent except for the pounding of my heart that I fear is so loud, Eric might hear it too.
Is this it? Is this the moment I lose my best friend? I swear it feels like ten hours pass before I finally don’t have it in me not to look at him, but when I do, Eric’s head is facing downward, his eyes avoiding mine.
“I’m sorry.” I never should have told him. He would have rather not known.
His head shoots up at that. “What? Why are you sorry? I’m sorry.”
“What reason do you have to be sorry?” That makes no sense. “You’re sorry I like boys?”
His pupils expand. “No! I’m sorry I didn’t know?” He says it like a question, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“Again, not your fault. I’m the one who didn’t tell you.”
“Did you think you couldn’t? That I would care? Because I think that’s why I’m apologizing.”
Such an Eric response—sweet and earnest.
“It’s not you. It’s just…another way I’m different. And I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable or like, think I’m perving on you. Because I’m not. I wouldn’t ever do that.”
His nose wrinkles up slightly. “Okay. Good. Not good because there’s something wrong with liking boys or as if I would be upset if you like me, just…good that we feel the same about each other. That we’re best friends. We’re still best friends, right?” Eric asks as if he’s not the prize out of our duo. He never sees how incredible he is.
“As long as you want me, we’ll always be best friends.”
He grins. “Then we’ll always be best friends.” He moves over and sits with his back against the headboard too. Our arms touch, and like always, his warmth comforts me. “Are there any boys you like? Because I can hook you up.”
I shake my head and can’t help but chuckle. “Yeah, I don’t think that’ll happen until I’m older and get out of here.” We live in the high desert of Southern California, and I don’t know any other gay kids my age.
“Where are we gonna go?” he asks, then takes a bite of pizza.
“LA,” I play along. I’m sure we won’t really move away together, but it’s a nice dream. “I’ll be in remission, of course, and the boys…there will be so many boys…” I sigh.
“And girls for me!” he adds, and it’s so perfect. This moment is perfect, the way he’s treating this like it’s nothing, like he doesn’t care.
