Page 16 of The Marriage Policy
“Did you miss what happened to me a year ago? I thought I was in love, and he was a cheating bastard who’s dated half the queer men in the United States. He was a manipulative liar. I’m never dating again.” Maybe I’m being dramatic, but it’s how I feel. No chance in hell I’m risking my heart, at least not anytime soon.
Eric gives a real scowl this time. “Don’t let that motherfucker win. He doesn’t get to take that away from you. If anyone deserves to find a good man, it’s you.”
Why is Eric the sweetest person in the world? He means well, but I really don’t want to talk about Malcolm right now. “I’m not ready for that. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for that again. If this is about you and Ana, we can tell her. I’m sure she’ll understand why we’re doing it.” The last thing I want is to come between them. Eric thinks I deserve to find happiness, but he does too. He has so much love to give, and sometimes I worry he spends so much of his time with me, he doesn’t let himself see what’s out there beyond a quick fuck.
And now I’m asking him to marry me? What am I thinking?
“Ana? Why would…oooh. No. We’re just friends. I forgot to tell you we talked the last time we went out, and while we both like spending time together, there’s no spark.”
I…don’t get it. Eric has never had a romantic spark with anyone, and it makes absolutely no sense. How has he never been in a serious relationship? And how can someone as great as him not have women dying to be with him—not that I’ve seen, at least. Is it that wholenice guys finishing last? Eric might not have that gritty edge, but he’s hot, funny, and basically sunshine in human form. “She doesn’t know what she’s missing,” I tell him.
“Thanks for defending my honor, but it was mutual. Now back to the marriage situation…that feels gross to me. Like I’m taking advantage of you.”
“Why? It’s my idea. I’m the one who feels like I’m taking advantage of you. Here I am, asking you to marry me because I’m a big baby and afraid of losing you.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re asking me because you care about me. You’re making this sacrifice for me. There’s never been anyone who loves me as much as you do.”
It strikes me that we’re going in circles, telling each other how much we care and how awesome the other is. “We’re ridiculous.”
“Yeah, well, you started it.”
“I want to do this for you,” I admit. “I don’t want to push you, and I understand if you’re not interested. I get that it’s a big thing, wanting you to marry me, but I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much you’ve given me. If there’s anything I can do to make your life easier, I want to do it.”
He sighs. “It’s not really that big of an ask. It’s not like I ever planned to get married anyway.” He’s always said that, and I don’t understand why. When I talk to him about it, Eric always says he just doesn’t think he’s the type to settle down. He has no desire to, and I have no choice but to accept that. “My mom would kill me if she knew I didn’t have insurance.”
“I know. That would’ve been my next argument.” She’s never gotten married or even dated since losing Eric’s dad. I remember her joking around once about him being her penguin. He was it for her. Eric and I had been kids and didn’t really get it, but now, though I hate the thought of her being alone, it’s sweet that she loved him so much. That she found her soul mate. I used to dream about finding mine one day, hoping it would be just like that, but Malcolm took that away from me. I try to spend my life looking on the bright side, but when it comes to relationships, I don’t know that I can anymore.
“Do you promise this won’t cause you any issues in your life?” he asks.
“Yeah. Absolutely.”
“And if you meet someone and get serious, or once I get on my feet again and am able to get insurance for myself, that we’ll get a divorce and it won’t cause any complications in our friendship?”
“Nothing would ever come between us.”
“And that you’ll let me pay the additional portion it’ll cost you to add me to your policy?”
“Yes. Geez. When did you become such a tough negotiator?”
“Please. I’m not tough with anything when it comes to you.” He kisses my temple, and I snuggle close. “We’re getting married. As wild as that sounds, it kinda makes sense.”
“Right?” I joke along with him. “Too bad you had to go and be straight, or we would be perfect for each other.”
“What? It’s not all my fault. You’re the one who’s told me a hundred times that you don’t see melike thateven though I basically should be anyone’s dream man.”
“You’re going overboard, don’t you think?” But really, he’s not. I just won’t tell him that.
“Are we telling our parents?”
“God no.” Mine already give me enough of a hard time about Eric. They think we’re a couple and don’t seem to understand the fact that my best friend is straight.
“What about our friends?”
I think for a moment. “It’s up to you, really, but I say we play it by ear. There’s no reason to tell them. I don’t think most people will understand.”
“You can say that again.”
“On the other hand, it feels weird to keep it from Anthony and Hayes. We’re connected by such a tragic event that I feel like they’re a part of me now.”
