This couldn’t be happening. I wouldn’t let it. The last thing I needed was to screw up the unlabeled relationship I had with my new baby daddy. I had no idea where we stood, and I wasn’t acting on anything until we established that. Whatever I was feeling could not get in the way. I squeezed my eyes closed and took a deep breath, jumping away from his touch. “We can’t do this.”
“I know.”
“Wecan’tdo this, Jack.”
His gaze softened, his eyes showing…disappointment? I couldn’t tell if it was because he was heavy with lust or if he truly wantedme.
“We won’t do it, Maggie.” His voice was stern, and he kept his eyes on me until I couldn’t stand his presence any longer.I turned to find a bathroom—finally one with a light!—shut the door, and let myself be alone. Facing the mirror and realizing my hair looked like a bird’s nest atop my head, I turned on the faucet and dunked my face into the sink. Splashed cold water onto my cheeks as if I had just woken up from a nightmare.
Except it wasn’t a nightmare. It was real life.
A real life in which I shared a child with Jack Hennicke.
Jack Hennicke, whom I would never,everhave a real relationship with, let alonemarry.
What the hell had my life come to?
***
I slid into bed after a hot shower, unaware of Jack’s whereabouts until I heard the shower turn on a few minutes later. I fell asleep for a few hours, then woke up, finding Jack curled next to me, close enough to feel his body heat radiating onto my skin. We had never slept in a bed together. In fact, I wasn’t sure I had ever slept an entire night in a bed with any man. But feeling his skin so close to touching mine felt intimate in a way sex would never amount to. Trying to turn over and go back to sleep, a thousand thoughts came rushing in again.
Why did I run away?
Why didn’t I tell my dad I was pregnant?
How are we going to raise a child together while we’re both so young?
Where will the closest doctor be in Golden Meadow?
Great, this was exactly what I needed.
One minute, I was finally feeling okay with the man next to me, and the next, I was questioning everything about our choices, his promises, my sanity. It was a rollercoaster I was not prepared for, and I wasn’t sure how long I could endure—and it was only the beginning. I was only, what, six weeks pregnant?Another eight months of this, plus a lifetime of motherhood, nearly gave me a panic attack. I tried to focus on my breathing like my mother taught me when I was young and dealing with pressure.
Deep breath in, there you go, Magdaline. Anytime you feel worried like this again, just close your eyes and breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. Ready to try again?
I flipped onto my back and tried to remember my mother’s words. God, I wish I had her now. As gutted as I felt about her leaving our family, only a mother could understand what I was going through, and I wasn’t really up for talking to a stranger. I began to think about if she ever came back or tried to get in touch with me. Whether or not I would respond kindly was still a question circling in my mind. Yes, my dad did an awful thing, cheating on her, but that, in no way, constituted her leaving in the middle of the night. There was no custody battle, no note, no communication. Nothing. We were her past, and, clearly, she had no reason to come back.
Despite how complicated everything felt with Jack, I promised never,everto put our child through that. They would always know how much both of their parents loved them. They would never have to worry about being abandoned or forgotten as I had been.
I turned again, my back facing Jack, before I heard him stir under the covers.
“Mags,” he breathed from behind me. His rough fingertips grazed my bare hip, and gooseflesh broke out in their wake.
I rolled over to face him. Jack’s eyes were sleepy, focused on my collarbone. Taking in a deep breath, his hand moved to touch my shoulder. His fingers dusted across my skin, and I began to breathe deeper. I tried to let myself relax—closed my eyes, and leaned into his touch. Enjoyed his touch. For this one moment,just maybe, I could stop thinking about everything. I wouldn’t be his, but I could be for tonight.
“What are you thinking, Maggie?”
His eyes searched mine. Who was this man? Somehow, I knew, but in another way, I felt like I knew nothing. The way he looked at me told me that he wanted to know me, that hecared.
I squinted. “I’m terrified.” My voice was still shaky. “There’s a baby,ourbaby, inside of me. We’resoyoung. How do we even know how to do this?”
“Hey, hey. We’re in this together, okay?” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. The scent of leather hit me instantly, and my lungs worked a little easier.
God,he was so warm. So big. So protective.
A shield.
“Jack, you have to promise me something,” I whispered into his chest.
