“You deserve it, too, Lolo.”
“I do,” I said, allowing myself to believe that fully. “And maybe someday I’ll find him.” Maybe I’d already found him. Even if Matthew and I never saw each other again after I left the ranch, he’d raised the bar for everyone who followed him. “For now, I’m happy that Freddy won’t have ammunition to use against me anymore. At least that will be over.”
“There is one other option,” she said.
“What’s that?”
“Get out in front of the story by telling your side to the press first.” As I objected, she cut me off. “Just listen to me. You’ve done nothing wrong, and we can get our publicists to help you craft every word in the best way possible. Tell the media that you and Freddy found it easier to live apart, and he agreed to come to events with you a few times a year. You weren’t trying to fool anyone?—”
“But we were. Or at least I was trying to fool everyone.” I waved at Gigi as she rode her bike past me, up the dirt pathway that wound toward the cottages.
“That part is a little tricky.” I could hear her drumming her long fingernails on her desk. “Still, I think you can phrase it so people understand you felt like there was no other choice. If society wasn’t so hard on women, this wouldn’t be an issue.”
“No kidding,” I said. “It’s not enough to be great at our jobs. We have to maintain the perfect marriage and be perfect mothers to perfect children. There’s never any room for mistakes.”
“Try being a woman who doesn’t want children,” she said. “We’re called self-centered, lazy or barren, or maybe all three! The patriarchy is bullshit.”
I stepped off the path and into the grass, which was still wet from the rain earlier that morning. It was the first daytime rainstorm at the ranch since I’d arrived. Everything was glistening with droplets of water that reflected back tiny rainbows in the sunshine.
“You know they’re going to say that I put our company first,” I said, “and I neglected my husband. That I was too busy working at a company that developed other people’s relationships while my own fell apart.” My voice caught, and I paused to compose myself, unwilling to cry over my failed marriage yet again. “Freddy will paint himself as the victim, like he always does, and he’ll tell them I made him feel ignored and unimportant, and everyone will feel sorry for him and blame the cold, ambitious wife. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I was a bad wife.”
“You know that’s not true,” Tori said sternly. “C’mon. You’ve done so much work on yourself to get over him and move on. Don’t let him drag you down into the mud again with his gaslighting.”
“You’re right.” I sniffled, still trying to stem the tears. “I wasn’t a perfect wife, but I did my best with the tools I had at the time.” Wasn’t that all any of us could do?
“And,” she added, “he’s a total schmuck.”
I laughed because my twin would never let me take part of the blame for my failed marriage, and there was no point in arguing with her. Her job was to love me and be on my side.
“If you’re not going to talk to the media, can I do it?” she asked. “I want to expose that money grubbing jackass for who he really is.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, but it’s tempting.”
I looked up into the sky, as if it held answers. I had to think about my sons and protect them from the shrapnel of this explosion, but Freddy certainly wasn’t considering them. Maybe protecting them wasn’t the right way to think about it. Maybe I could help them deal with the situation instead of trying to stop it from happening? Still, my instinct was to shield them in any and every way possible.
Before I came up with an answer, I spotted something breathtaking.
“A double rainbow! Oh, wow. Look at this.” I tried to turn the phone around to show her what I was seeing, but it wouldn’t come across like it did in person. Even a high-quality photo couldn’t capture this beauty in its truest form but that didn’t stop me from taking one. “I’ve never seen a double rainbow. I can’t believe this.”
“It’s beautiful,” she said gently. “And you’re not alone in this.”
She had me tearing up again. “I know. I love you, Tori, and I appreciate all of your support.”
“I love you, too,” she said. “I’ve missed you so much, but you sound really happy out there. Maybe you should think about getting a little place in the mountains.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “Seriously? You think I should get a place out here? That’s exactly the idea I’ve been toying with for the last few days.” I could certainly afford it, but what would Matthew think if I got a vacation house near his ranch? Was it way too soon? I wouldn’t only be doing it for him, but it might seem that way.
“Not in Wyoming,” she said, as if this was obvious. “It’s way too far away. You loved Vermont, and there are beautiful towns in the Catskills. A friend of mine just got a place in Kingston.”
She was missing the point. “The east coast is nothing like this. The sky out here is incredible. You feel so insignificant in this landscape but also so free. You need to come out here and see it.” I looked up at the sky, disappointed she didn’t understand. Even more disappointing, the rainbows were already fading. I was eager to walk back to the office and call Gigi over the walkie. What if she missed this? What if I’d missed this? I’d gone 52 years without seeing a double rainbow. If Freddy hadn’t humiliated me, if I hadn’t ended up at the wrong ranch, if I hadn’t looked up today, I would have missed this one.
“Hold on. I have to do something.” I’d circled back and was passing the office door. No one was there, so I picked up a walkie and made an announcement. “Come in, Gigi and Matthew. This is Lauren.”
Two seconds later, Matthew’s voice came over the speaker. “Everything okay?”
“Yes, sorry to alarm you. I wanted to make sure Gigi saw the double rainbow. Are you outside?”
I could hear the smile in his voice. “Aw, that’s awesome. She’s here with me at the Cottonwood Cottage looking up at it right now. Can we have lunch together today?”
