"I can cook other things.” He sets the syrup down in front of me. "Lasagna, chili, meatloaf. I'll have to start working on turning those into vegetarian specialties."
"I'm starving," I say between bites. "I feel like I could chase this with a stack of waffles and still be hungry."
Seth fills his own plate and joins me at the kitchen table.
"We burned a lot of calories this morning," he says with a grin.
I swallow a huge mouthful of toast before saying, "It was much more fun than running."
"I thought you liked running?"
I nod and consider whether that's true. "I like that it burns my excess energy and helps me fall asleep at night, but I'm not sure I love doing it."
"I'm happy to help you burn as much energy as you need," he says before taking a huge bite of toast.
The food that tasted so good a moment ago feels heavy in my stomach.
"Right, but you'll be gone in an hour. So it's back to running tomorrow."
I strive to sound lighthearted, but the words don't come out that way. Seth keeps eating, but his expression darkens. I'm dying to know what he's thinking because I'm fearing the worst. Instead of waiting for him to say it, I do it myself.
"I just want you to know that I don't expect a big commitment," I say with all the feigned nonchalance of a terrible liar. "The last few days have been amazing, but long-distance monogamy is probably unrealistic, right?"
"What?" Seth's fork stops halfway to his mouth. "You're okay with me sleeping with other people?"
I imagine him with another woman, like his friend Piper or Stephanie the P.A, and my reaction is visceral. My face contorts, and there's a gagging sensation in my throat. It's excruciating to think about him putting his hands on someone else. Some other woman getting the best sex of her life.
"No, that's horrifying."
"Exactly. That's how I feel about you seeing someone else."
"So what do we do?"
He watches me intently as I squirm into a cross-legged position on my chair. I've never felt more naked than I do right now.
"You're scared," he says.
"What am I scared of?" I ask in a quiet voice while I poke at my food.
"You're scared to fall in love with me because you think you might get hurt."
It's suddenly so quiet in my apartment that we can hear the conversation between two people outside on the street. Granted, they’re New Yorkers so they’re shouting.
"Aren't you scared?" I ask.
"Yes, of course. I'm scared shitless, but I'm not going to let it stop me from loving you."
Seth loves me. It's not just some fantasy I created in my weird little mind. He. Loves. Me. Wait, did he say he loved me or he wouldn't stop himself from falling in love with me? There's no way to ask now. There's also no way to stop my inner monologue.
"But what if we aren't happy?" I ask, doing my best devil's advocate routine. "Sometimes love ends in terrible heartbreak."
He picks up my hand and rubs his thumb in circles on my palm. The movement has some kind of hypnotic effect on me. I'm completely susceptible to whatever he says next.
"Yeah, sometimes it ends badly, like my marriage and your parents' marriage. But sometimes people find each other, like Herb and Renata did, and it's worth everything you've been through because now you've found your person, the one who feels like home."
"You've been listening to too many country songs."
He laughs and drops my hand. "Stop making jokes when I'm trying to be romantic. You'll bruise my fragile male ego."
