He’s not, really, and Nix must know it, but Leo’s of the mind that cuddles are a cure-all. So he lies down on his childhood bed and holds out his arms.
Nix grabs Darren and rubs his nose in it. The scent of Leo’s childhood comforts them both. He doesn’t hesitate to snuggle up and press his nose into Leo’s neck.
“Leo?” Nix whispers, and Leo can feel his lips move over his claiming bite as he speaks.
“Mmm?”
His hair is soft in Leo’s palm, and so is the skin behind his ear. Leo just lets his finger rest on the bolt of his mate’s jaw.
“I’m glad you have people who loved you then…and now.”
“Me too. I am really lucky.”
Leo knows it and has always known it. It’s the one constant in his life he tries never to take for granted.
“Yeah. I missed my mom a lot in the beginning.”
In the beginning.
A sharp stab of pain pierces Leo’s heart—he knows exactly what he means. The beginning of his time with Dawson Hayes.
“But then I sort of, ah…locked them away. In my brain. Because it hurt too much to think about them.”
Nix’s scent tapers away, bit by bit, until it’s gone entirely. If Leo hadn’t been holding him, he might have thought he wasn’t in the room at all—just the ghost of a memory.
“It’s hard to hurt and think of the people we love at the same time,” Leo whispers.
“Yes. That’s it exactly. I know they’re gone for real, but sometimes I wanted her…more… when I was alone with… Hayes, than I had right after they were killed. Made it all so much worse. That’s weird, right?”
Leo clears the lump from his throat. “Not at all. I think you can miss her as much as you want, anytime.”
“Grayson bought me a lotion that smelled like her. It was so nice, and at first, I thought I could wear it to remember her…you know? But in the end, I couldn’t…I don’t know if I can let myself think about her yet.”
Nix’s lashes brush against Leo’s jaw. “Maybe when it’s all over. Maybe then.”
“Yeah, okay. But if you ever want to talk about it—to me, or any of us, or even someone else…we can do that.”
Leo wants to cry at the thought of his sweet, sunshine mate missing his mother so much that he can’t think of her at all. Can’t remember her scent, or how she hugged, or the way her smile was. Can’t hold a book she’d read or cuddle a toy left over from when he was a child.
Nix had nothing from his old life except that picture from the photo booth. Maybe Leo should find out what happened to Nix’s grandmother. Maybe she had some things for when Nix felt like he could think about his mom.
“Talk to someone? Like therapy? Like Luca does?”
“Sure, Ruthie is great. Or we can ask her to refer us to someone just foryou.”
“I don’t think I can. I can’t tell anyone about what he did…it’s too…” His voice fades away, and Leo doesn’t need him to sayterribleorawfulorcruel.
Leo rolls onto his side, and Nix does the same. Where Leo’s eyes are damp, Nix’s are bone dry.
“Baby, there are people who can help. I believe it.”
Nix runs his fingers through Leo’s hair and then down under his ear. “I believe you. But not now. I can’t…not now.”
He sighs, and Leo misses the vanilla sugar scent.
After a minute, Nix presses his mouth to Leo’s forehead. “Hey,” he asks, his deep voice tingling across Leo’s nerve endings.
“Hey, what?” There is an answering heat in his belly, making it difficult to get the words out.
