“Because… Because…” she huffed, tears coming to her eyes.
“Were you sad because it’s all a bit confusing?” I asked, trying not to put words into her mouth, but also trying to help her process such complex emotions for her young age.
“I have a mummy already. And now I have you as a mummy, too.”
“You do. And your mummy was a wonderful, amazing person. We don’t ever want you to forget her. Calling me mummy doesn’t make her stop being your mummy. Sometimes families are a bit difficult like that.”
“Did you have two mummy’s like me?”
“No,” I said honestly. “But my friend had two daddies when we were little.”
“Her daddy died?” She sniffed, looking incredibly sad and small.
“No, he didn’t die, sweetie. She had two daddies because her dad was married to another man.”
“Like Hacksaw?”
Hacksaw was gay? Well, blow me down.
“Hacksaw has a boyfriend?”
“That’s what Nanny said.”
“Well, yeah, it’s similar to that, then.”
“But you didn’t marry my mummy.”
I gave a small laugh. “I know. I told you, families can be so complicated and confusing. But do you know what the brilliant thing about families is?”
She shook her head, no. “The amazing thing about families is they come in all shapes and sizes. Some have just a daddy. Some have two mums. Some children live only with their grandparents, and some children live with older siblings. There are no rules. Just like there are no rules to how you feel abouteverything that’s happening here. So, I’ve got an idea I’d like to share.”
“Okay.”
“How about this… when you feel happy and comfortable, you can call me mummy. But on the days when you miss your mummy, and you feel sad, or you feel like mummy doesn’t fit, you can call me Rachel. I’ll always respond to both. How does that sound?”
“I’m allowed to do that?”
“Of course you are!” I squeezed her hand gently. “You can call me whichever makes you happiest that day. And I’ll be happy to hear either of them. Does that sound like a good plan?”
“Yep!” she beamed, her face much brighter than it had been. “Thank you Rac—Mummy.”
I let go of her hand and shook my head with a small laugh as I watched her go straight back to her homework.
God, I loved the bones off this child!
She was amazing. I couldn’t imagine how confused she was feeling right now. If I struggled to follow the timeline of recent events, I had no idea how she was handling it all and taking it all in her stride. But handling it, she was.
She was such an intelligent child – and not just in terms of street smarts, which were far more advanced than any other child I had known. She was incredibly gifted at Math and was working at two levels above where she should be for her numbers. Although, that was hardly surprising considering she was around the club all the time listening to them take stock or doing income and expenditure. Children were like sponges and absorbed what they were exposed to.
I did have a slight worry, though. If she was listening this closely to the numbers, what else was she listening to?
I knew Dante tried to keep her protected from the more violent aspects of club life, often at the expense of his relationship with his daughter, as it meant he couldn’t spend as much time with her as he liked. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t listening and watching.
So long as she spent her childhood here, she was exposed to whatever went on, whether we liked it or not.
Just as we were moving on from Math to her English lessons, Mama came into the kitchen, looking as though she had aged two decades in the space of a day.
“You alright?” I asked her as she flicked the kettle on.
