That shit fucking hurt.
What’s the difference between pleasure and pain, when he’s both my dream and my nightmare?
“Rachel—” Vienna tried to warn, but I silenced him with a hollow laugh.
“Nah, you don’t get to play the peacemaker anymore,vice president.You clearly had his back, or else you wouldn’t have followed him here. Let him do his worst,” I hissed, turning my eyes back to Dante. “It won’t be anything he hasn’t done before.”
“Oh, believe me,” Dante laughed, stalking closer to me, limping ever so slightly. “There’s plenty I could have done, but I’ve chosen not to act on those thoughts out of respect for you. Tonight,” he hissed, seizing my jaw in his giant hand and forced me to look up at him. “You lost my respect.”
“I guess I should be flattered. You haven’t lost my respect, because you can’t lose something you never had.”
He laughed down at me. “Rachel… When are you going to realise we all know how full of shit you are? Oh, you’re stubborn enough to never say the words out loud, but just because they’re never uttered, doesn’t mean we can’t see the truth. And the truth is, I’m under your skin much more than you will ever admit. Which is why you’ve been clinging to me ever since I stole you from that Godawful family you were living with.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy. I realise you’re in front of your little friends, so you need to do your best at being the big, bad, nasty biker. Do you want them all to know you were nearly crying earlier? Do you want them to know you were begging me not to leave?” I snarled at him, refusing to let him intimidate me. I had danced this dance one time too many to feel anything other than disdain for him.
“You think I haven’t told them already? Unlike you, I’m not afraid of emotion. As I said, they see more than you think. For example, they know how much control—”
“Stop right there,” I laughed. “If you’re about to go on some testosterone filled tangent about the control you have over me, I’d stop whilst you still have a shred of fucking dignity left. We both know you have no control over me.”
“I can think of one place I’ve always had control,” he smirked.
“And there we are. Sex. You’re good at one thing, I’ll give you that. But that’s the only control you ever had. You never controlled here,” I tapped my temples. “My mind belonged to me. And you couldn’t stand that I wouldn’t let you in.”
“Do you know what?” He sighed. “You’re right. That’s all I wanted. I wanted you to let me in. I can handle the crazy. I can handle the nightmare. I can handle the worst you have to offer. All you had to do was let me in. I love you, Rachel. Fuck, I love you,” he looked away from me, his eyes flashing with anger. “You've no idea what I would have done for you. I never pretended to be perfect, but I loved you in the only way I knew how, and I never asked for anything in return. I never asked you to feel the way I felt. To love me in return. All I asked was that you tried to be happy with me. I loved you and you fucking ruined it all. Remember that when I tear your life apart. You could have had everything, and now you'll have nothing”
“I never had anything, anyway,” I said, ignoring the pang of hurt in my chest. This was all going so wrong, so quickly. All because he wasn’t willing to listen. “All I had was a man who put his stupid friends, and his ridiculous club before me.”
“Ahh, there she is. Rachel and her nasty tongue. You're a vicious little bitch.”
I went up on my tiptoes to whisper against his lips. “That would have more impact if you weren’t such a misogynistic bastard. Why do you like it so much?”
And that’s all it took.
As always, the inferno that was always simmering away between us came roaring to life the minute our lips made contact.
Almost as though he couldn’t stop himself, Dante crashed his lips onto mine with an agonised groan. His fingers left my jaw and sank into my hair, grabbing it in painful handfuls. I welcomed the pain, pressing myself closer to him, oblivious to the fact that his friends were still in the room.
I was oblivious to everything. All I saw was him. He had become the centre of my universe, my gravity, and I found it hard to see past him. Even when I knew it was a mistake. Even when I knew that we shouldn’t be doing this. I was his.
Always.
But, as per usual, Dante was there to remind me why I could never fully let my guard down. Why I could never fully give in to these feelings and allow him to become my entire reason for living. Because whilst I was oblivious to the world, he was all too aware. He knew his surroundings at all times, and today was no different.
Whilst I was feeling my resolve weakening, he was strengthening his hate against me. Whilst I was melting into the kiss that breathed life back into me, he was plotting and scheming.
The second he felt my surrender, he pulled back and hissed against my lips, “I warned you before to curb that vicious tongue of yours. Let’s see if this does the fucking trick.”
He stripped my clothes from me faster than ever before. And I let it happen. I didn’t fight him. I didn’t plead for mercy. I didn’t do a single thing. Because I had learnt the hard way what it meant to fight in these situations.
I let him strip me, and I let him push me to my knees. I didn’t stop him as he put his foot on the small of my back and knocked me forward until I was on all fours. I didn’t stop him when he positioned himself behind me. And I didn’t stop him when I felt him line up his cock with my entrance.
I had been here before.
Memories assaulted me of Alex doing this exact thing to me. Of taking me in front of his friends to teach me a lesson.
The difference between then and now, is I wasn’t a starved, manipulated teenager, and I wasn’t at the mercy of psychotic men.
I also wasn’t ashamed of sex, of my body, or of anyone seeing me having a good time.
