I didn’t want to be here whilst tempers were flared, either, and I wasn’t beaten to a pulp like he was.
I had also heard talk of a few members from other charters staying here, but again, I hadn’t bothered to find any of this out.
I was waiting for Dante to tell me, but Dante was keeping his distance.
I didn’t feel like an old lady anymore. I felt like someone he kept around for convenience.
I had held him in my arms after the swearing in ceremony and listened as he cried. It was the first time I had ever seen him cry, and all I could do was hold him and murmur soft words of comfort, knowing that it would never be enough.
But then, as soon as the morning came, all traces of sadness and sorrow were gone. He took a leaf out of my book and portrayed a blank, stoic expression ninety percent of the time.
And fuck me, I finally got it, because that shit was annoying.
I tried my best to speak to him, but he brushed me off every time and told me to deal with Bee. She needed her mother.
I spent every waking second with Bee, and she was slowly adjusting and bouncing back to being that quirky, funny little girl we all loved. Kids had that unique ability to adjust and adapt to whatever life threw at them. Dante told me I was doing a good job with her, and I remember giving him a tight smile. He wasn’t around to see what happened when she went to sleep and wasn’t in control of her brain.
The girl was suffering with extreme night terrors and had even started wetting the bed again. And Dante would be aware of that, if only he would speak to me. But he was sequestered away in church, plotting and planning.
I pretty much lived in terror most of the time. I caught snippets of conversations here and there – mainly from the men from other charters. They hushed up whenever they saw me, but it was enough for me to know that they were biding their time, gathering weapons and ammo, in order to strike at the Riders once the funeral was over.
I should have expected it, really. Dante’s biggest argument was that Crash hadn’t waited until they were fully prepared before he launched a full-scale attack. Dante wanted to wipe the Riders out once and for all.
However, I had also attended more than one Sin meeting with the old ladies, and we knew the Riders were also putting their all into gathering as many men and weapons as theypossibly could. With Nico as the new president, he had already brought in a bunch of men from the other charters he had been a member of. As of right now, they had strength in numbers that out powered the Devils.
Bee reached for my hand, and I grasped it tightly, watching as Crash’s headstone was put into place. Crash hadn’t wanted a traditional burial. He had been cremated, and his ashes were to be taken to his favourite spot, and then distributed amongst the men. They were going to ride through the hills and spread his ashes, allowing his final resting place to be an area he had loved so much. Apparently, it was where he had proposed to Mama, and where they had held their small wedding ceremony.
The headstone was mainly to commemorate him in the biker graveyard as a sign of respect, since all the leaders and big players had their own spot here. It also gave Bee somewhere to come and visit, and remember her Papa.
I dared to sneak a glance at Dante as the headstone was lowered into place, and the vicar gave his usual speech about being laid to rest, and not to weep.
His face was as stoic as ever, and he kept his hands clenched at his sides. Another way of shutting me out. He wouldn’t allow me to hold him and comfort him, not in front of all the men. He had a role to play, and that role was as the fierce, powerful leader.
It was a role he had thrust upon himself. Crash had no problem showing emotion, but in Dante’s eyes, that is what had made Crash weak and vulnerable.
I could almost hear his thought process. Despite him no longer uttering a word to me, I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking if Crash had shut off his emotions a bit better, and guarded his vulnerability, he might still be here. He wouldn’t have run into a fight and brought the war back home. So, Dante shut down and refused to show what he thought was weakness.
Which was a bit fucking ironic really, considering that Dante had lectured me so heavily about being a robot, and not truly living my life hiding behind blankness and coldness.
I looked back at the vicar and sighed. There was no point wasting my time anymore. Dante was making his choices, and I don’t know why I was surprised.
He had told me from day one that all he wanted from an old lady was someone to raise his children and suck his dick on command.
I was raising his child, and he had yet to request his dick sucking since he had become president, so I guess I was doing a good job.
Except… I had thought we were becoming something more. I thought that the initial threats he’d thrown at me were mere distant memories. Something to laugh about. We had reached a sort of mutual understanding of one another, and it genuinely felt like we were in a good place.
It was a place that was toxic and disgusting for some to imagine their relationship being, but it was perfect for us. It was progress.
I had been a fool.
I hadn’t even had a chance to tell him about the baby. Every night, I would swear to myself that I would tell him the next day. But then he wasn’t there when I woke up, he wasn’t there at breakfast, and he wasn’t anywhere to be found during the day.
That’s a lie. He was easily found. He was always at church, a place I was well and truly banished from, along with the rest of the old ladies.
Do it today. Do it today before he does something stupid.
Maybe the thought of a helpless baby,hisbaby, would stop him from going after the Riders. It would stop any more unnecessary bloodshed.
