“Oh, I don’t think you want me to do that,” I laughed. “He’s recently been released from a mental facility. He’s very sensitive about being called names at the minute. His name is Dante King. You might just want to go ahead and ban him from your store.”
She looked at me with suspicion. “What was he detained for?”
“Chronic masturbation,” I replied, my face completely deadpan. “The last shop he was in, they had to replace the entire line of summer dresses. Jizz everywhere. He doesn’t care. He’ll pull his trousers down and start leaving spunk deposits everywhere he goes. And if you’re not careful, he’ll lick it up afterwards.”
“Ew,” she said, her nose wrinkling.
“I know. You can look him up online. Dante King. And it’s such a shame, because he has such a handsome face. And yet he’s plagued with this… illness. I’m his sponsor, that’s why he’s ringing. He calls me when he’s struggling. I bet he’s been rubbing against his mother’s knickers again, poor thing. I best take this…” I said, gesturing to the phone.
“Of course. Dante King, you said?”
I laughed as she pulled her mobile out, not waiting for my answer, and brought the store phone to my ear.
“Masturbation Anonymous, Rachel speaking. How can I help?”
“Did you think that was fucking funny?”
“Mate, I think I deserve a fucking Oscar for keeping a straight face. That shit was the funniest thing I’ve ever done in my life. How did you even know where I was, anyway?”
“I got Hacksaw to hack into the security cameras and followed you.”
“What the fuck, Dante. That’s not okay.”
“Too late now.” I could practically hear him shrug.
“How long has he been watching me?”
“Just since this store. Why? Where have you been?”
“None of your business.”
“I can easily find out, you know. It’s not as if the cameras don’t store the footage.”
“What do you want, Dante?”
“Why did you leave your phone behind?”
“Why are you answering my questions with your own?”
“Because I enjoy irritating you. Why are you answering a question with a question?”
“Because you’re succeeding at irritating me,” I huffed back.
“Brilliant. At last, we’re on the same page. Shawn is coming to get you. Meet him in the car park in five minutes. Oh, and Rachel?”
“What?”
“Don’t think you’re not going to be punished for this.”
Chapter 45
Rachel
As soon as I walked into the house, my ears were assaulted by the loudest screech I had ever heard in my life.
“What the fuck was that?” I hissed at Dante, leaving my bags by the door. He got up off the sofa and came over to me, kissing my cheek and wrapped his arm around my waist.
“Mum and dad are fighting again, and I’m scared,” Vienna said, pretending to cry as he came out of the kitchen.
