“Am I permitted to speak now?” She asked with a sniff, getting to her feet and cleaning up the food the kids had spilled.
“If you must.”
“How gracious. As it happens, I don’t particularly want to bond much with Axel, either. Oh, he’s a lovely child,” she rushed to add when I opened my mouth. “And I’ll admit, you’ve done a good job thus far. But I know what to expect in his future. Your dad might be happy to have hooligans hanging around, but I’ve no intention of being the grandmother of a… agangster,” she shivered, dropping Axel’s bottle and wiping her hands on her trousers.
I stayed silent, because I was incapable of words. If I spoke, I’d lose it, and I’d rather not add “killing one’s mother” to my criminal record.
“And speaking of your dad—he’s been incredibly ill, did you know that? We’ve not long since come back from our cruise. We hadn’t planned on another house, but his health leaves us no choice. You’ve contributed to that. I hope you’re well aware of that, Rachel?”
She took the rubbish into the kitchen and I took the opportunity to expel a deep breath and then pulled in another as she walked back in.
“I’m sorry if you don’t like what I’m saying, but I have always done what is best for your father and I—”
“Oh, you don’t need to tellmethat. You’ve always put yourself and your needs first.”
“And you don’t? You’ve always lived your life in whatever way you saw fit, not bothering to think about anyone else or how they might be affected by your actions. I admit, you look good. I can see that you’re trying. But you’re cursed, Rachel, and I can’t allow that in my life. We’re not getting any younger. Are we expected to host that boy when he’s a teenager, covered in tattoos and looking like a thug? I can only imagine what our future neighbours would think!”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I laughed in disbelief. “You’re thinking about the feelings of neighbours who don’t even exist yet, rather than the feelings of your own family?”
“So now we’re your family? Were we your family when you were a teenager, cursing the day you were born? Or when you had my house burnt down?”
“Yes! That’s exactly why I fucking came here! Because I wanted the help of my mother, and all you could do was accuse me of using drugs!”
“Well, you can hardly blame me for that, given your track record.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“How do you want me to act? You come here after having no contact for a little under two years, bringing not one buttwograndchildren with you, and suddenly expect us to play happy families. Were we your family when you were pregnant? We didn’t even know the boy existed until an hour ago!”
“And I’m sorry for that. I’m not perfect, and I realise that. I’ve messed a lot of things up. But I’m here now, and I’mtrying. Things were complicated. You’ll just have to trust me that I was doing what I thought was best. It’s not been fucking easy!”
“It’s never easy where you’re concerned, Rachel.” She sat back down in the armchair and took a sip of her tea, acting asthough we were discussing something as simple as the weather. “And this is why I don’t want your father and I getting involved. You turn up here—with no warning, might I add. And I can already see your dad falling in love with the children. No,” she shook her head, her decision made. “It’s best to end things now, before he loves them too deeply to let them go.”
“It’s a little too late for that,” a deep voice said from behind us, making us both jump in fright. My mother’s cup rattled in her hand, her head snapping back with shock.
Good.
She’d finally been caught out.
“Rachel,” my dad said tightly. “Axel was asking for his bottle. But I can see your mother and I have things to discuss. They’re in the garden playing with the bubbles I bought them. Send my apologies, and let them know Papa will see them soon, please?”
“Dad—”
“Please,” he muttered through clenched teeth, a small tic in his jaw betraying the anger he was barely containing.
“Okay, Daddy,” I whispered. I stepped towards him and he held his arms out for me. I fell into his embrace and murmured down his ear. “No matter what happens, they’re your babies. If you want to know your grandchildren, you know where to find me.”
“You’re a good girl, Rachel. The best a dad could ask for.” My eyes filled with tears at the heavy way he spoke.
I pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. “Any time, Dad. I mean it. You know where to find us.”
I walked away and then turned back around at the last second. “And as for you,” I spat at my mother. “Whenever my dad finally comes to his senses and leaves your sorry ass, that’ll be the day his health improves significantly. It's funny,” I scoffed with a fake laugh. “You keep accusing me of being the downfallof this family, but you don’t even realise you’re the sickness infesting us all. You’re fucking poison.”
And then I walked out the door, slamming it shut behind me.
Chapter 39
Rachel
