I could admit I was feeling vengeful during my pregnancy. There was nothing stopping me from ringing him once I arrived back in the UK. I could have even sent him baby scans. Hell, I didn’t even need to talk to him. I could have sent Vienna all the information needed.
But every time I thought about it, all I could see was Bee’s face when he ripped her from my arms. Her screams still haunted me at night. I had nightmares about the heartbreaking way she begged and pleaded with me not to leave her. The wayher little body shook in my arms as she sobbed against me, imploring me not to abandon her.
Every fucking night, the same dream.
I would wake up in a cold sweat. Sometimes I wouldn’t remember the dream, but I knew something was wrong. There was a profound sense of loss, and I would panic as I tried to think what was missing. And then the grief would hit me.
Other times I was aware from the second my eyes opened, and I would sob into my pillow, crying myself to sleep, my thoughts of the little girl I had failed so miserably.
It was easier this way. It was easier to just forget that life. All that mattered now were me and Axel.
There was not a chance in hell I would give Dante the opportunity to take Axel the way he had taken Bee. I could not have loved that little girl any more than if she had been my own flesh and blood. But Axelwasmine. Dante was able to take Bee because I had no legal claim to her. I was Axel’s mother, and I had the fucking scars and paperwork to prove it!
“Get a move on!” Karen hissed, pulling me out of my thoughts yet again. She went over to the window and peeped out of the blinds, just as I had done earlier. “The roads are still clear. My parents should be here within the next fifteen minutes, but they’re going to park down the street, just in case.”
“Okay,” I breathed, nodding my head as I zipped up the suitcase.
“My dad said maybe it would be best if I took Axel for a walk in his pram and meet you guys at the park? If you go out the back door and climb over the fences—I know it’s not ideal, but the back is much more enclosed than the front, and far more difficult for anyone to be watching.”
“No, I agree,” I said, although I wasn’t looking forward to climbing all those fences.
“They already have a car seat for Axel in the back, so we will head to the area of the park away from the car park, and then you guys can pull up, we’ll get Axel strapped in, and you can make your way to Hayley’s. My dad is going to give me one of the old dolls from the attic, and I’ll put that in the pram and return to the house to start packing up the rest of your stuff.”
“You realise what will happen if Dante turns up and sees you with a doll, right?”
She hesitated a moment before answering. I saw her throat bob as she swallowed heavily. “Well… We’ll just pretend that’s not a possibility. And, if he happens to be here, let’s hope he doesn’t decide to ambush the innocent, naïve babysitter who had no idea her boss was a fugitive.”
I laughed despite the fraught atmosphere. “Karen… I don’t know how to thank you. But don’t return here. It won’t be safe. The second they notice I’m gone—”
“You don’t even know that they know you read the card, Rachel. If it’s true that they’ve been watching you, then they’ll know you were at work today. They’ll know you had a party planned. It’s not out of the realm of possibility to think you held off on opening the cards until after the party ended. Keep calm, stick to the plan, and everything will work out. You’ll see.”
I threw myself forward and wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her tight, careful not to squash Axel between our bodies.
“Go!” she sniffed, blinking back her tears as she pushed me away with her one free arm. “Say bye-bye to Mama!” she grinned at my son. “Me and you are going to go for a walk in your pram. Would you like that? Would you like to see the cars? Can you say ‘car’?” she asked, her words trailing off as she went down the stairs to put the first part of our plan in motion.
I took a deep breath, pulling the suitcase off the bed, and looked around at the room I had called my own for the pastyear. A lot of tears were shed in this room. It held a lot of unhappy memories. But it was also the place where my waters had broken. The place I came home to when Axel was tiny, and we were wrapped up in the long, exhausting newborn bubble. It was the place where I had stroked his tiny button nose and sang him to sleep. The place I had cried when breastfeeding became too painful and I finally gave up and went to the bottle—both of us happier, might I add. It was where Axel had sat up for the first time. Where he had taken his first, tentative steps a few weeks ago.
This place had been good to us. But it was just a room. Just a house. The memories lived in my mind, and it shouldn’t be so hard to say goodbye to this place.
But it was.
This was the first place that was truly my own.
Except it’s not your own. It never has been. It’s not even in your name. One wrong move, one wrong conversation, and this all could have been ripped away from you in far worse circumstances had the truth been revealed a different way.
That was true. But that was the reality of my life. Nothing would ever truly be my own. I would always have to live under an alias, hiding in plain sight and hoping for the best.
Straightening my back and giving my head a shake, I shook off the past. I had a plan to follow. Today was already history. The future was ahead, and that’s all I allowed myself to focus on.
Chapter 4
Rachel
Our plan went ahead with surprisingly few hiccups.
Axel had a minor breakdown when he wanted to stay at the park and watch the traffic, but it was quickly overcome with a bit of gentle persuasion.
He loved cars, but he loved motorbikes more than anything. And as is typical of my luck, there was a gang of motorbikes hanging around the park, capturing all of his attention.
