She nodded again, and so I continued. There was nothing else I could do. I just had to hope she was listening, truly listening, and that what I said to her made sense.
“I initially thought you were this sweet, loving creature. I saw you with that kid and thought you would be perfect for Bee. Iwasn’t soft and sweet, but you were. You would be the perfect yin to my yang. And then I got to know you, I found out what made you the way you are, and I realised we weren’t so different. Your parents didn’t really love you. It was only recently that your dad realised how much he messed up, but your mother and Iris are still the same, cold-hearted bitches. Alex never loved you. You’ve searched for love, and you’ve been left wanting every time. And yet, even though you struggled with your feelings, you weren’t like me. You were still open to the possibility of love, and you made me see things through your eyes. Even though you tried to hide your feelings and emotions, you still sought love.”
I rubbed my thumb over the back of her hand, keeping my eyes locked on her face so I could try to assess her feelings. But, as always, she was doing a brilliant job of hiding what she was thinking. But as always, there was a tell. And this one was her swallowing heavily every so often, giving me the boost I needed to continue.
“And then, without even realising it, I began to fall for you. And it opened my eyes to so many different things. I saw how you loved Bee. She wasn’t your child, and yet you loved her all the same. Despite never having received it, you knew how to give it. And it made me want to do better. I didn’t have to continue to be the way I was raised. I didn’t have to be a copy of my parents. It was never too late to start again. So I began to really try to be closer to Bee. And then when I heard Bee call you mum, that’s when I realised I did truly love you. Because you were such a refreshing change. A rare gem, a ray of light in my dark world. You processed your new feelings and relationships, and accepted the changes instead of fighting them. For a woman who had never had decent parents, you broke the generational bond and made yourself the best fucking parent that little girl could have wanted.”
A tear trickled down her cheek again, and I wanted desperately to comfort her. But I had to finish. I had to let her know exactly what I was thinking. And hopefully it would be enough.
“And then I realised. It wasn’t that I hadn’t experienced love. It’s that I had closed myself off from it. Just because my parents wanted power, didn’t mean they didn’t love us. My parents hadn’t just chosen me for my abilities, they chose me because they loved me. Macbeth was a jealous bastard and a rat, but revenge wasn’t all he was feeling. He was hurt. He loved our parents and wanted their approval. My world had always been black and white, one or the other. And I realised that it was possible to feel more than one emotion. In a world of power, Bee was capable of feeling so much love. Axel is a loving child, and you were able to love him, too. There was room for one more in your heart. Despite having no experience, there was never a shortage. And whilst I still do want to own you and possess you, and I still want to have you as my status symbol, Idolove you. I will never love you the way the movies portray. But I love you in my own way, and each day I’m with you, you teach me more and more. You show me how to love openly, and I never want that feeling to disappear.”
Chapter 82
Rachel
My heart was pounding in my chest as Dante bared his soul to me. He was telling me everything I had ever wanted to hear. And whilst his confession didn’t make everything better, and it didn’t erase the mistakes of the past, it did help me understand him better. It helped me realise how much he had secretly been struggling, when I had always assumed he was in such control.
“I was willing to let you go,” he continued. “And I promised myself I would stick to it. So many times I wanted to find you and drag you back. But I resisted. I found Vicky, and she worked as a distraction for the most part. I knew I was deluding myself, because every time I was with her, I would think of you. It wasn’t fair to her, but I needed the substitute. I had to prove to myself that you were not an anomaly, and that I was capable of feeling the same things I felt towards you with someone else. And then curiosity got the better of me. I thought enough time had passed that I would be able to look you up and not feel the insane need to drag you back here kicking and screaming. I was a fool,” he admitted with a twist of his lips.
I already knew how he found me. He had explained that weeks ago. But it was nice not just knowing thehowbut also thewhy.
“I’m not stupid, Rachel. I know had I stayed away, you would have eventually moved on. You would have found someone to have an enjoyable life with. And I know I had no right to force you back here. But once I make my mind up about something, I don’t think, I act. I know ours isn’t a love story for the ages. No one is writing romances about us and thinking we’re end game. Children won’t be studying our story, and teenagers won’t be running to the internet wishing they had something like our relationship and calling us ‘ride or die’ partners.”
“Where did you hear that?” I said, bursting out laughing.
“Bee,” he grinned back. “I know we’re verging dangerously close to being in a cycle of burning love and furious hate. I know ours will never be a traditional relationship. And I don’t care. Traditions are meant to be broken and no one can tell us what’s right and what’s acceptable in a situation that involves us two.”
I nodded, because I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t dare open my mouth, because I didn’t want to break the spell. I wanted him to keep talking to me. I didn’t want to go back to the anger and the hurt that we had entered this room with.
“There’s no right or wrong in a relationship, Rachel. There are no set rules. There are only the rules we put in place. The ones that work for us. So long as there’s two consenting parties that want to be together for the long haul, then nothing else matters. I’m not interested in riding into the sunset with you. I don’t want an easy adventure into a happily ever after. I want a happily for now, because I know if I go riding into the sunset with you, it will be because you’re planning on pushing me off a cliff.”
I laughed again, and he shuffled closer to me, cupping my face once more as he rubbed his nose against mine. “I wantto guarantee a happily for now, because I want our future to be chaotic. I want the sass and the push backs. I want you to continue arguing with me and challenging me. I want Bee and Axel to drop their children off at our home, and for them to roll their eyes because Nanan and Papa are fighting again. I want to be the crazy old couple that people whisper about, wondering how the fuck we made it this far. I don’t want a love story. I wantourstory. The true story. The story that will be wrapped up in a toxic little bow with pages dripping with sarcasm. I don’t want your adoration, I want your fire. Your fury. I want your passion. I wantyou,Rachel. I wantthisand I wantus.And if that’s what you want too, then I’m begging you to put me out of my fucking misery and kiss me. I’m going out of my mind here.”
Chapter 83
Rachel
Three months later
Three months ago, I kissed Dante, and I’ve never looked back.
Surprise! As if anyone was actually surprised. Who else was going to put up with us? It was our civic duty to stay together, just to keep the toxic contained. And together we were, and we were happier than ever.
Sometimes I wondered what the fuck I was doing, but I hadn’t regretted it for a second.
Who knew that all it took to make a relationship work was for both parties to actually communicate?
And I realise the world, its brother and their pet dog (andyou, admit it!) have been screaming at us to get our act together and stop the fucking bickering and to actually talk it out for months. But we had to realise it on our own. And we got there in the end, didn’t we?
That’s all that matters!
These three months have been a whirlwind, to say the least.
Starting with the happy news first, my dad had finally left that witch he called a wife, and was in the process of moving into the biker compound. Jenna and Trex had moved into the clubhouse with me and Dante, and so my dad was going to be taking over her old house. It was much too large for him, but if it meant he was close, then so be it.
Jenna was more than happy to move in with us. She hated that house without Shark in it, and she wanted to be around the rest of the club as much as possible. We were the only family she had. I also knew that if she stayed there, she would withdraw from us. Grief would take over. I would be able to watch her whilst she lived with me, and make sure she was taking time to be gentle to herself, but also not getting so lost in mourning for Shark, that she basically died with him.
Karen and her parents had come to visit. They took some convincing, especially because they believed I was being held here against my will. As soon as they had arrived, Frank had given Dante a lecture, warning him that if he ever hurt me, they would never find the body. He had a friend with a pig farm, apparently. I smothered a grin, knowing Frank had my best interests at heart, and Dante had responded well. He simply told Frank that he was more scared of me than any pig, and that I alone held the ability to gut him on a daily basis with just a few words.
