“You didn’t try long enough,” she shrugged, turning back to the ceiling. “Did I miss the funeral?”
“I—Yes,” I said, barely just resisting the urge to strangle her. “Did you not feel up to it?”
“I’ve had enough death to last me a lifetime. Shark will understand. I’ll see him soon, anyway. I take it the boys have gone on their honour ride?”
“I’m going to ignore that comment about seeing Shark. Unless you’ve become a Medium in the last thirty seconds, you won’t be seeing any dead people, so calm down,Sixth Sense,” Kitty’s mouth twisted slightly upwards at my words, and I was glad we had reached the point where we could have these easy jokes with one another. “And yes, they have. I thought I’d keep you company until they return.”
“Where are the kids?”
“They’re with Heather and Trex. Do you want me to get them? I know they’ve missed you.”
“I miss them,” she sighed. “You’ve done a good job there, Rachel. I know it hasn’t always been easy for you, and I haven’t praised you nearly as much as I should have, but you’ve done good. Even when Bee wasn’t yours to love, you treated her as your own and never denied her. I never did thank you for that.”
“You don’t need to thank me,” I said, feeling utterly stunned. “Why are you speaking like this?” I asked, a terrible ball of dread settling in my stomach.
“Did I ever tell you that I didn’t want to be an old lady, either?” She asked, ignoring my question.
“Didn’t you?”
“No,” she turned her head and smiled at me. “Crash was a rake, through and through.”
“You been watching Bridgerton?” I laughed.
“Every season,” her grin widened, and then she turned back to look at the ceiling again. “He fucked every girl in town by the time he noticed me. And I didn’t want him to notice me. I had plans, you see. I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to explore the world outside the confines of this club and the rules. I know you think the club is sexist and misogynistic now, but trust me, we are so far away from how it used to be. But once Crash set his sights on something, there was no deterring him.”
I stayed silent, letting her tell her story. I’d spent enough time with her recently to know she took comfort in retelling her memories. And it took my mind off the shit show happening outside of this room.
“Crash and I were similar to you and Dante. Maybe that’s why I pushed back so hard when you first arrived. Who knows? We would argue—man, would we argue, He was fierce and hardheaded, and I was as stubborn as they came.”
“But you came around eventually,” I said softly after she had been quiet for a few moments, selfishly needing her to keep talking to keep my own grief at bay.
“I did. And it was the best decision I ever made. There was never any other man for me after Crash. Oh, I know he had his affairs here and there, but it strangely never bothered me. Because it was me he came home to. I’m sure you wouldn’t understand that,” she chuckled. “You seem the type to rip a man's bollocks off and slice them up into bite-size pieces, serving it up as cereal the next morning if they so much as looked at another woman. And maybe you’ve got the right idea. But whatever Crash and I had… it just worked. We completed each other.”
She reached out for my hand and squeezed it. “This club,” she said, swallowing back tears. “It’s the hardest job in the world. These men need us. They need us so much more than I think they themselves realise. They all need the love of a good woman, even a mother figure like myself. And despite my best shot at meddling, Dante needs you. I realise that now.”
“Dante doesn’t need me,” I replied, not liking the direction this conversation was taking.
“He does, Rachel. And maybe he hasn’t realised it yet either. But he does. I made a lot of mistakes with my children, and Dante…” she sighed heavily. “He struggles with his emotions. You and he have that in common. And I know you struggle withclub life. I did too. But if you love the man, you learn to love the club. And trust me, once you have the love and support of the club in return, there’s no challenge you can’t meet, and no obstacle you cannot overcome. That is the most powerful gift your old man can bestow on you. You’ll never be alone whilst you’re considered family.”
“Kitty… why are you telling me this?”
“Because it’s time,” she said simply. “And because it wouldn’t be fair to leave this world without telling you the truth of what’s going to be expected of you. You’ll need to be firm, but kind. Strong, but know when to bend. I can see so many changes for the future of this club, and I know you’ll bring it out of the dark and into the present. Be patient with Dante. Remember, he was brought up with certain rules, and had a certain mindset forced upon him. I guess the club brainwashed him in a way. But you can help update everything. I know you can.”
“You’ll be around to see it. We can do it together.”
“It’s a nice thought, Rachel. But not a realistic one. I’m not a part of the club’s future. I don’t adapt to change. I’m the past. You are the future.”
“Kitty—”
“I’m dying. Cancer.”
“What?” I breathed, my head rearing back in shock.
“Surprise,” she said with a dry laugh.
“How long have you known?”
“Years,” she replied, going back to the same monosyllable tone. “It was the main reason Crash wanted to retire from being the president. He was pushing Dante to take on more and more responsibility. It was why we chose Dante over Macbeth, because we knew we’d need someone as soon as possible, and there just wasn’t time to get Macbeth up to scratch. When Dante was with Laura, I had treatment, and for a while, I was considered in remission. So we decided not to tell the kids,and live life as normally as possible. And then just before you arrived, the cancer came back, and this time it had spread. Crash was pushing Dante to take over, and then he met you… I won’t use the breast cancer as an excuse, but I guess it does explain some of my more bad tempered moments.”
