“He has no problem implying the meaning behind my words any other time!”
“This particular instance holds a lot of weight to it, though, does it not? If you say out loud that you want to be with him, and you want to commit properly, it changes the course of both of your lives.”
“I… Well, yes…”
“And did you not once tell me that you told him that when the two of you had sex, it clouded your judgement, and you didn’t want that?”
“We both say stupid things sometimes,” I muttered, scraping the toes of my shoes along the carpet, feeling utterly pathetic. She was a trained professional, and I was here talking to her about how much I wanted to have sex. Jesus Christ.
“Sex is an important part of some relationships,” she said, as though she could read my mind. “From what I gathered, you and Dante were always very passionate in that department. Your sex life was where you channelled a lot of your emotions, so it’s not surprising that you’re struggling now that your outlet has been removed.”
“Exactly!” I breathed. “That’s exactly what the issue is. Because no matter what happened between Dante and I, we always resolved it in the bedroom. It didn’t matter how volatile our emotions were. And I know that’s not the healthiest way to solve things, but it worked for us.”
“Perhaps Dante is looking to make a deeper connection?”
“I dunno, Doc. He was pretty fucking deep, if I recall correctly.”
She smiled at me then. A real smile. Not the fake, professional smile that came to her so readily.
“How are things going with the rest of the club?”
“Fine. There're ups and downs, of course there are… But I seem to be well liked there. I’ve done what once seemed impossible and managed to forge a small bond with Kitty.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah…”
“And can you see yourself staying there long term?”
“Sure…”
“I feel like you’re withholding something from me, Rachel.”
I looked at her with a frown and then sighed heavily.
“Everything I say here is confidential, right?” I asked, even though I knew it was. I just needed to hear the words again.
“That’s right. So long as you’re not in danger…” her words trailed off.
“I’m not.” I took a deep breath. “But I did kiss Vienna.”
Doctor Ashleigh’s eyes widened with shock. She quickly recovered herself, but I saw the flicker of scorn before she disguised it.
“How did that happen?”
“It doesn’t matter. But Hacksaw knows.”
“Ahh,” she said, pulling a sympathetic face. “And I take it he’s pushing you to tell Dante?”
“Yep,” I said, popping the P. “And I’m utterly fucking terrified. Dante doesn’t think clearly when it comes to me. We both regretted it the instant it happened, and Iknownothing like that will ever happen again, but… Dante will go to that hospital and finish the job himself. I just know it.”
“He might surprise you. Talk to him.”
“That’s your amazing advice, is it? ‘Talk to him?’” I mimicked in an entirely unpleasant voice. “You realise this is someone’s life you’re gambling with?”
“Dante and Vienna have been friends a long time—”
“Exactly. Like, Hacksaw and Shark, they’re his brothers. But Vienna is hisbrother. There’s a huge difference. It makes the betrayal even worse.”
