Maa insisted that I should come with her. She was going to meet my mother, and I didn’t want to go back there. Why would anyone want to go back to hell? But I didn’t know how to refuse. I had no reason to, at least not in the eyes of everyone here. I haven’t told anyone, and I can’t now. I’d rather pretend to be okay than gain anyone’s sympathy—especially this family—because this is my family, and I don’t want them to pity me too.
I’m sitting in the living room with Maa, waiting for my mother to arrive. I glance around and see her first—she’s looking at us from her balcony. All that I see in her eyes is the hatred.Hatred for me. A shiver runs down my spine. She disappears, and soon I hear her footsteps as she comes down the stairs. It gives me goosebumps—the way she eyes me sitting beside Maa—and I lean more towards Maa in fear.
How children are afraid of ghosts, I’m afraid of this house. Of the people here. Of my past.
I clutch my kurti tightly. It’s the first time I’m seeing her since Rudraksh bought all her shares. Aarav told me about it. I guess when Rudra promised me he wouldn't do anything, it didn't account for the business part. I felt happy that someone wanted to take revenge for me, but right now I am terrified. Fearcrawls back to me, melting my confidence into a puddle. She’s obviously mad at me by the way she is shooting daggers at me.
My mother and Maa hug each other. Slowly, she comes and hugs me too—tight, tight enough that it hurts. They sit on the couch, making small talk here and there.
And all I feel is uncomfortable. I fidget under her stern gaze and keep staring at my lap.
“Can we keep Shivani here tonight?” My mother asks out of the blue, and my head snaps at her.
No.
Oh no. No, no, no, no. Please, no. Please tell me it’s a nightmare. Please, someone wake me up. A sharp breath stuck in my throat, and I don’t dare breathe.
Before Maa can respond, I say, “No.”
They both look at me—Maa surprised and my mother staring at me dangerously.
“I haven’t informed Rudraksh. He won’t like it,” I add quickly, trying to remedy the situation.
Maa laughs. “You won’t believe these two have been inseparable,” she grins, telling Maa about it. “It’s okay, Shivani. I’ll talk to him. He won’t mind staying away from you for a day.” She pats my thigh in assurance; I am anything but that.
I try to smile, but I can’t muster it. So, I nod. I rack my brain for any excuse—any reason I can give to avoid staying here. But I can’t think of anything that would sound believable.
The rest of the conversation is a blur—my mind fixated on my own thoughts and worries. I feel like I’m being suffocated, unable to breathe. The walls of this house feel like they’re closingin on me, trapping me in a nightmare I can’t wake up from. I want to call Rudra, beg him to not let me stay here—but I can’t.
“Shivani,” I feel a little push. “Shivani, beta, are you okay?” Maa asks me, her eyes full of concern.
I nod, not able to utter a single word. I can see my mother smirk from the corner of my eye. My eyes sting with unshed tears; I don't want to stay here.
“I was saying, I’m going to go.” Maa squeezes my hand and pats my head.
Please, don't go.
I feel a lump in my throat. I want to shout at her, plead with her to take me with her. “You enjoy, okay?” She says with a soft smile as she walks towards the entrance. My heart thuds aloud, and tears threaten to spill out.
My mother walks her to the door, and my head spirals. Someone, please save me. Save me, please.
“Follow me.” Her harsh voice echoes before I even see her.
Her foot comes into view, and I can’t move. I try to, but it feels like I am stuck. She steps forward, but I remain frozen.
“Move, you bitch.” She grabs my arm and pulls me up, harshly, her fingers digging in my flesh. A lone tear escapes my eye. Why am I so weak? Why can’t I fight her? I’m an adult now, and still I obey her without a word.
She drags me to my room. The place that was my hell and heaven both. The one that kept me safe, yet broke me too. She pushes me in, and I fall on the ground.
“You had sex?” She demands. I shake my head, humiliation filling me up as I steady my blurry gaze on the ground.
“Of course, you didn’t. Rudraksh is a smart man after all. He wouldn’t want to be near you.”
I want to shout at her. Tell her that it’s not true. That he kisses me every chance he gets. That he likes me. He likes me. He likes me, I repeat to myself. She can’t manipulate me about that. I can’t let all his care, his efforts, go to waste because of her words.
“He’ll soon realize what a worthless girl you are. He’ll leave you soon,” she continues. “Look at you. What an ugly creature I’ve birthed.” The tears don’t stop, but I can’t let her put me down. Rudra wouldn’t like it. I can’t be this weak. I have to be strong. I have to fight my demons. To gain confidence. To be worthy enough to walk beside Rudra.
“You’re jealous,” I say slowly, as tears gather in my eyes.
