“I’m glad you’re alright too, Maa,” Shivani sniffles.
Then something flickers in her expression. Fear. Pain. “Madhav Uncle?” She whispers, her gaze shifting to me, full of hope.
And it breaks my heart, because I have to tell her the truth.
56
SHIVANI
He died.
He took a bullet for me. The only person who truly cared for me in that house is gone. He was my first best friend, the only one who stuck with me till the end. Always knew how to lift my mood. He never asked too many questions—he just knew when something was off. And instead of pressing me, he made me laugh, distracted me, and gave me something to smile about. I remember once he got scolded badly by my father. They were going to fire him. And the reason was that I was upset that day, and instead of taking me to class like he was supposed to, he took me to the market. Bought me the toys and chips I had been craving. My parents were furious. But he didn’t care. He only cared that I was smiling again.
Even in his last moments, all he could think about was my well-being. The doctors discharged me two weeks ago, though I’m still on bed rest. Everyone’s been supportive. Someone or the other is always beside me—family, the people who genuinely care. And I like it... most of the time. But there are moments when I just want to shut everyone off. No voices, no sympathy, no one watching me like I might break. I want to go back. Just one moment. Just long enough to save him somehow.
Simbu curls up in my lap, breaking the train of my thoughts. He looks up at me as if he can sense my pain. I muster up a small smile, and he silently goes to sleep.
I haven’t cried. Not even once. Rudra keeps telling me I should. Says I’m an emotional person, and maybe letting it out would help. But I can’t. I don’t understand it. Maybe it’s because I know the moment I cry, I’ll have to face it. I’ll be accepting the fact that he’s gone. That he’s not coming back. And I don’t want to. Not yet. My throat tightens, and I take in a deep breath, patting my chest.
Rudra’s been extra protective. He hasn’t gone to the office since it happened. I keep telling him I’m fine, that he should go back, that there are so many people here looking after me. I don’t want to be a burden. But he shut me up real quick with one question:What would you do if you were in my place?
And I didn’t have an answer to that. “Rudra?” I ask quietly.
He looks up from his laptop, his face softening the second he sees me. “Yes, darling?”
There’s a warm smile on his face, the kind that makes my heart ache a little less.
“My father?” I whisper. “Is he alive?” I don’t even know if I want to hear the answer. But I ask anyway.
Rudra’s smile fades instantly. His expression hardens, his jaw tightening as he closes his laptop slowly and sets it aside. His entire energy shifts. “Your father?” He repeats, as if disgusted by his name, his voice low and sharp.
“Yes.”
Just saying that word makes my skin crawl. The idea of him being alive—breathing, walking free—terrifies me. I will never be safe if he still exists in the same world as me. “Don’t worry, darling. He’s in my custody,” Rudra tells me, his voice cold, deprived of the warmth it carried earlier.
“I’ll end him with my own hands.” He is talking about murdering someone, and I can't even feel disgusted, because one, I love Rudra, and no matter what, I will always love him, and two, it's my father, the monster who had always made my life hell, so he deserves it. It's time I stop empathizing with people who hurt me.
He sits beside me on the bed and takes my hand in his. His touch is warm, but his grip is firm, like he’s calming me down, like he needs me to feel safe.
“I want to see him,” I mumble. Rudra’s face darkens as his grip tightens, and for a second, I feel him silently pleading with me not to go there.
“You’re not well enough to see him,” he says, the edge in his voice softening a bit. “You need to rest, Shivani. To recover.”
“I know,” I sigh, “but I want to meet him. I have to talk to him.” He looks at me like I’ve lost it. Maybe I have. Maybe grief does that to people.
“Baby, he’s a dangerous man.” He states, his eyes softening as he tries to change my decision.
“I know that,” I say, chuckling a little at the irony. Dangerous feels like an understatement.
He glares at me, and I raise my hands in surrender. “Please, Rudra.” I pout. Just a little.
He groans, running a hand through his hair, then lets out a long sigh. “Fine. But I’ll be with you. I’m not leaving you alone with that man!”
“Okay. But only you. No one else.” He nods, then pulls me gently into his chest. I rest my head over his heart, closing my eyes as I listen to his steady heartbeat. It’s oddly calming.
“Can we go now?” I ask, my voice muffled against his shirt.
He pulls back, stares at me for a long moment, and then finally nods. He helps me up from the bed, and Simbu jumps out of the bed, staring at Rudra, who stares back at him. I love this rivalry.
