Page 71 of Flying
The ache in my chest comes back knowing I caused this. I have gotten everything I ever hoped for the last few weeks, overwhelmed by the love she has shown me. These red rimmed, watery eyes are the same ones I’ve been lucky enough to make roll back in her head with pleasure, finally after all these years, and better still: more than once. No, those eyes continue to watch her fingers and fidget with the box of tissues in her hands. Sighing, I realize I have no choice but to get it all out there and so I take us back ten years and lay everything on the line.
I’m trying not to cry when I start speaking, “Lily, please, please trust me that I’ve been searching every day we’ve been together for the right moment to tell you this because I knew without you knowing, the guilt would always eat at me. I didn’t plan to let it go on for this long, but in December we were having so much fun and I couldn’t believe you finally saw me too.”
I move closer to her, resting against the coffee table across from her seat on the loveseat. “I keep trying to make everything perfect foryou. For us. I wanted, I want there to be an us, still, tonight. Tomorrow. Forever. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted like this.”
I pause to reach for her and hesitate my hand in midair, thinking twice about it and retreat. “In middle school you watched our junior hockey games, it made me feel like I had won the lottery. When Grant and Landan broke up, and he decided to pursue you, I was mad. Not at you, of course not, but at him. Hell, I was mad at everyone here. If you all knew how much I liked her, and saw how shy I was, how come nobody ever set something up for us? Why didn’t I get a wingman?”
Feeling my anger rising, I start to pace the length of the sitting area and grumble. “Ugh, no. Not the point. The point is that the night before the wedding while you ladies were having a girls night in, Grant and I got alcohol from the bar cellar and drank too much.”
Turning and pointing his way I add, “Seth was with us too, but he’d moved on to playing baseball with sticks and rocks further down the riverbanks from us. He couldn’t have known, and I didn’t tell him either. Grant got drunk, I mean really drunk. Lee looks sober compared to Grant, honestly. Anyhow, that grease ball started to murmur Landan’s name to himself. He was despondent, confused why she didn’t love him. He was prattling on until his word vomit turned into actual vomit.”
At this point Seth looks up and pauses his water bottle mid air and nods, “Yeah, I do recall him recreating the exorcist on the lawn that night.” Returning to his fifth mini water, it’s clear the room expects me to continue.
“Right, so once the remake of the exorcist began, I shouted for Seth and we got him home to bed. The next day, you were married, and there hadn’t been a moment to see if he knew what he said, or if it was even true. I had always heard that drunk words were sober thoughts, and I wanted to confront him so badly. There just was never a good time. Ugh, that’s always the problem. I never know when to do this, to have the impossible conversation with someone. So, when you and Grant finally split, I had to help you however I could. It’s why I had to tell you about the stupid town council things I overheard. I wanted to make it right by tipping you off. Getting youthe Wrangler and out to Stef at school was the best way I could do it without sacrificing my chance of running The Featherweight.”
My pacing has slowed, and I’m back before her. Begging. “Please, please Lily. Please. You have got to believe me. Please.” I’m on my knees in front of the oversized loveseat she is curled up in with my hands folded like a prayer. “Please, Lily. Please believe me, please.”
Finally, Nessa stands up and hip checks Delia before saying, “Well, gentlemen, thank you so much for this riveting end to our night. I’m going to borrow these two. Stef, if you want to join us for a slumber party, you are always welcome. Goodnight my dudes, and Mateo, seriously, stop grinning. This isn’t some television show for your entertainment. Grow the fuck up.” On that firm note and an eye roll, she slams the doors that connect our rooms and we see the lights flick off.
Fuck, I need to fix this.
forty-seven
River
Sunday Morning
I wokeup to no sign of Delia, Nessa, or Lily, and a killer hangover. Alcohol, emotions, the full spectrum. On the drive back, my phone pings.
Group Chat: [Delia Shane, Nessa Rabin, River Hendrix]
Delia:
Taking Lily to grab some stuff, she’s going to stay with us tonight.
River:
Tell Lily I will go to the apartment since your place is small, cottage is hers
Delia:
With all due respect “boss”
Ya fucked up
Ya fucked up big time
River:
Thanks, I had no idea
Delia:
Happy to be of service, if you need to figure out how to fix it, ask someone else
Nessa:
I’d normally send you a bunch of romance novels I love but…
