Page 57 of Flying
I was so busy with my self-pity, head in my hands, eyes cast on the penny tile floor consumed by shame, that I didn’t see two men enter the room beside me.
“I think you need to speak to her,” she says to one before telling a second person, “you. Let’s go.” I watch as Gem’s shoes pass, her hand gently on my shoulder with a whispered goodbye.
Two strong arms wrap around me from behind on the bathroom floor. The warm familiar masculine forest scent wafting around me makes it obvious Seth and River had arrived. My head sinks onto his chest without conscious permission.
He kisses my temple, as the bedroom door clicks shut and I hear Gemma tell Seth to stop trying to listen before there are quick footsteps down the stairs. Once it’s quiet again, he exhales my name reverently, like the strength he needs to make this statement is as scary for him as my confession was.
“Darling,” he continues to sway, hugging me closer and repeating my name as I silently cry. He lets out a long breath and turns my chin to the side so I can meet his eyes. Despite any initial hesitation, I comply and meet his eyes which are a little watery too. Ever so softly,he holds my gaze so we’re still in the moment together. He places the most gentle kiss on my forehead between my tired eyes. Under the light sensation across my brow, I feel waves of relaxation, my brow unfurling more. I didn’t even realize how touch starved I was. Again.
“How do you not see yourself through my eyes yet?” The fire and sincerity behind his statement catches me off guard.
The earnest question raises alarm bells, despite knowing this man, and out of fear I bite back, “Are you just trying to have yourself some fun for a few weeks since I’ll be around? Is this all another temporary set up? I’m not the one you’ll keep. I’m loved best when I’m less present. You’ll see.”
The fear, disappointment, and anguish create a tornado of pain. “You already saw. It’s why things got quiet after February, right? It’s why we barely spoke all last month. Why aren’t you more mad that I wasn’t here? Watch the relief everyone feels at the end of my two months...”I’m no longer making sense, shut up shut up shut up.
I collapse further into his chest, feeling the soft fabric of the well worn bar logo T-shirt he’s always wearing against my exposed arms in my tank top. His hands drift up and down trying to calm me, rubbing smooth circles across my back. My legs drape one of his as I sit between his legs creating a T-shape.
The affection in his voice increases. “Gem was having you pick these finishing touches because I’ve been hoping you’d be comfortable staying. I wanted to have this feel like a home.Your home. I wanted to make you feel protected and at ease. For everything to be exactly what you love. Because that apartment I saw was… not what you show the world. I never wanted to embarrass you. I want togive youwhat you deserve.”
His right hand winds its way into my hair, softly stroking behind my neck, unfurling the tension headache.
“Also,” he shifts to a firmer tone, “do not disappear onme. Ido notcare that you cried now. You are human, you are allowed to feel things, good things and bad things. You don’t have to hide the bad things from me.” He looks at me, hard eyes heating, the teal color turning to jade as they darken.
“Listen to my words, look at me, this is what I want. Move in here, and let me be here with you as much asyouwant.Your terms, but giveme a real chance. Let me show you how easy you are to fall in love with. I’ll be sure to thank those other idiots for making it possible for me to try to keep you. I am fighting for you to be mine until you tell me to stop for good. I was lucky enough to have a small taste. It wasn’t enough for me.” He presses another kiss to my face, this time on my cheek.
“I want to give this a real shot, and I will continue to do things like have awkward espresso meetings with the Salvatore women until I get these stupid conversations about a decade ago dropped.” I give an audible gasp, and he nods causing me to feel his nose bobbing near the side of my head.
“I didn’t stop talking as much because I didn’t want you anymore. Delia didn’t get back until recently, you didn’t come out to help as early as I hoped, and I’m not mad because I know this is hard for you. But, between renovations, existing bookings, and trying to make this place into something, I was barely hanging on.”
Holding my gaze he vows, “I promise you, this is not temporary for me, darling. I’m sorry, I should have been direct. I just… I wanted to show you, not just tell you. So I worked harder, longer hours. Gemma and Alice have been prepping this place for ages. I came home and fast tracked everything, and obviously had to make some decisions on my own, can I show you?”
I nod, and he places another gentle kiss on my cheek before scooping me up into his arms. Placing my feet on the tile, he takes my hand and leads me out of the bedroom and across the hall to the owner's suite. Opening the bedroom door, I am awed.
The board and batten walls have been painted a soft cream, with a king sized antique brass bed laid over a delicate floral rug. There are painted ornate antique frames that had clearly been thrifted and revived in shades of sage, lavender, rose, and sky blue. Some hold art prints, but the two that are glinting in gold paint catch my eye. On one night stand, the gold frame holds a photo of us as middle schoolers, and memories of that dance our moms forced him to take me to come back to me. The tiny bouquet of spray roses in peach and cream, my nose in the bouquet and his eyes on me.
“I don’t think I’ve seen this photo before,” I say barely above a whisper as I graze the frame's carvings.
“Elizabeth,” he answers succinctly, and we both understand the meaning there.
“She kept this all these years. Gave it to me after Denver, like she knew all along.”
Circling the bed, I pick up the other frame, we have two glasses of beer perched in a cheers, soft snowfall in the background out the window. Beyond that, a light outline of the Rockies. This was the trip he just took, of course. Our smiles are playful and easy.
“This one,” he says, stepping up behind me and wrapping his arms around me to tap the frame, “this is one of my favorites from the trip because you are so relaxed. You sparkled when you took me around Denver, and I know that I can’t promise to make home like vacation, but I do promise to make space for travel. It wasn’t because you were pretending to be someone else, it’s because you finally let go and were just yourself. Something I only could do because you gave me space to be me too. I can’t lose that, I just can’t.”
Turning me in his arms to face him, there is a heat coming off his body warming me. His gaze is like fire on my skin, everything is burning. I feel my stomach exploding with butterflies in anticipation. An innocent sweetness, like a girl on the way to her first dance with a boy in the photo.
He leans in close, like he did that day in the Denver studio, but instead of ruefully heated, this is soft and full of heart.
“Lily, I think… I know. I’ve always loved you. More importantly, you weren’t the problem in those relationships. The problem was they weren’t me.”
Holy shit, did River just say he loves me? I just was near tears over the idea of him loving someone else, is that what loving him means? I’m not ready for this, I can’t leave but my feet start to try and he follows.
For each step I try to take, he steps forward dancing with me. We end with my legs backed against the side of the mattress, with nowhere to go he proceeds to nuzzle against me. His nose draws its way across my cheek, before he kisses me. It’s as sweet as his words. His lips press to mine, his tongue lightly sweeps into my mouth dancing against my own.
The kiss breaks before he lays me down across the middle of the mattress between decorations. The bed was made: covered in thesoftest shade of rose pink sheets and a white blanket. Pillows pile high against the rails of the headboard. The foot of the bed has knit throw blankets in sage and mauves draped on a picture perfect angle.
“They are damn fools, I will never treat you as disposable. I’m yours. I don’t think I was ever anyone else’s. You don’t need to say anything, yet. Right now…” Instead of continuing, he leans down and kisses me again. A kiss that seals his promise. A promise I can accept and melt into.
